Knowing what to say to a sugar daddy and what NOT to say are amongst the most important skills a sugar baby can learn.
Like anything in life, communication in the sugar dating world is about striking a hard and delicate balance. You want to share enough of yourself to connect with a sugar daddy and be relatable. At the same time, you want to portray yourself in the best possible light so you want to be careful about sharing too much.
So what do you say? What are safe things to tell a sugar daddy and topics that are best avoided?
After countless sugar daddy dates and several successful arrangements, I’d like to say that I’ve mastered the art of sugar daddy conversation, but it’s rarely ever that simple.
I did, however, pick up some useful wisdom on what to say to a sugar daddy to give him the best impression of you and strengthen your connection. And I also learned the hard way the things you’d be better off not saying to a sugar daddy.
Here’s everything I’ve learned.
What to Say to a Sugar Daddy
The media likes to portray the sugar daddy sugar baby relationship as a simple exchange of money for sex. But successful sugar babies know that this is far from the reality.
The truth is that sugar relationships are, well, relationships. And like most relationships, there is going to be quite a lot of conversation.
You’ll be sitting through dinners, drinks, brunches together. You’ll be on trips and vacations together. And you’ll be chilling on the sofa and lying in bed together. Conversation can make or break all these experiences.
So what do you say to a sugar daddy? Here are some ideas on what to say to a sugar daddy.
Mind Your Manners
Manners are so underrated but so crucial. So much so that practicing proper sugar baby etiquette immediately sets you apart from the majority of sugar babies out there.
It’s nothing elaborate. Say “thank you” when he does something nice for you. Say “please” when you ask for something. Send him a thoughtful message thanking him at the end of a date. Sprinkle in appreciative comments like:
- Oh wow, that’s so kind of you
- Thank you for being so thoughtful
- I really appreciate you going out of your way to make this happen
These words don’t cost you a thing. But they can make a huge difference to a sugar daddy.
Compliments can be a tricky thing. If you say something generic or insincere, it’s worse than not saying anything at all.
But if you can get it just right, you’ll have a sugar daddy smiling whenever he thinks of you.
Keep in mind that compliments don’t have to be complicated. The two best strategies when it comes to giving compliments is to:
- Compliment him on things he clearly cares about. If he volunteers his time for causes he cares about, he cares about giving back to the world and being a good person. Compliment him on his kindness and conscientiousness. If he spends a lot of time managing and running his company, compliment him on how thoughtful he is of his employees and how caring he is to build something that helps so many people.
- Compliment him on things he usually doesn’t get complimented on. If a sugar daddy is short, compliment him on his other masculine properties like his broad shoulders or strong calves. For a sugar daddy who doesn’t have a strong sense of style, compliment him on how his sweater brings out the color of his eyes.
The compliments you choose to give should always be tailored to the receiving sugar daddy. And always be honest and original with your compliments.
Be Interested About Him (in the Right Way)
Is there anything as flattering as someone who shows a genuine interest in who you are? The truth is that being sincerely interested in someone is one of the highest compliments you can pay them.
This is especially true when it comes to sugar daddies since many are missing that emotional connection and care in their lives.
But you don’t want to make it an interrogation. And it shouldn’t be banal small talk. And it most definitely shouldn’t be penetrating questions into his personal life. So what do you ask a sugar daddy about himself? Questions that drive at the heart of who he is as a person. Here are some examples of what to say to a sugar daddy to show genuine curiosity:
- What do you like the most about what you do?
- What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
- If you had an entire day with no obligations, no work, no responsibilities – how would you spend that perfect day?
- If you could go back in time and choose a different career, what would it be? Why?
The best questions are the ones that he doesn’t get asked often. They don’t focus on his personal life but instead about the person he is.
Discuss the Basics
It may seem pointless to some veteran babies to mention this, but if you’re new to the sugar dating world then this is for you: talk logistics.
Once you’ve gotten to know a little more about your daddy, and they, you, it’s all about seeing if you could actually make an arrangement work.
Here is where the art of conversation comes in. You want to cover the important topics without sounding stiff or professional.
Things like location, marital status, and age are crucial details that will likely come out during introductions or can be found on their profile. But you’ll need to go beyond that to gauge whether or not an arrangement is possible.
So some smart things to ask a sugar daddy include:
- Expectations of the arrangement. It is important to make sure that your expectations align early on so you know whether or not you can have a fulfilling relationship. If your daddy is heavily into sexual interaction and you’re not that may become a problem.
- Expectations for his sugar baby. You can dive into this by askings questions like “What qualities do you look for in a sugar baby?” or “What brings you here?”. Even asking about past sugar relationships can help you gauge what your daddy is in to and what they want.
- Specifics and logistics. Mainly the financial and frequency side of things. What do you personally want or need financially to reach your goals? Is it possible for him to provide that? How often, when, and where can you meet? These are all seemingly minute details that need to be ironed out before you decide on anything.
- Relationship status and goals. Another important detail to talk over is relationship status. Not every daddy is single, and not every daddy is looking for serious commitment.
Understand your personal comfort zone and limits and let your daddy know what you can and can’t work with.
What to Tell a Sugar Daddy (Safe Topics)
Okay, the above are all good ideas on what to say to a sugar daddy – but they mostly revolve around the sugar daddy. At some point, he’s going to want to know more about you. What sorts of things should you share about yourself?
Here’s a little list of suggestions on what to tell a sugar daddy:
- Hobbies and interests you have. Of course, if you’re passionate about coin collecting, you don’t want to drone on and on about this. But if you have a hobby you love, share what it is and why you love it with your sugar daddy.
- Things you’re excited about. These can be goals, passions, dreams, places you’d love to go, things you’d love to do. Whatever lights you up – and can be something a sugar daddy can help you with – are great topics to share.
- Interesting things you’ve learned. Maybe you read a fascinating book, watched a documentary, read a news article, or traveled somewhere very unusual. Sharing tidbits of interesting information can be a safe and fun conversation topic.
- Thoughts and experiences relating to what you do. Whether you’re a computer science major, an artist, or studying to be a nurse – you have unique thoughts and insights on what you do. You can talk about your creative process, your muse(s), what motivates you. That naturally segues to discussing the sugar daddy’s career and can lead to interesting discussions.
- Books, movies, and media. Everyone has a favorite book, movie, song, and so on. You can talk about these as well as book to movie adaptations – and your thoughts on them – and so on.
- Funny stories. Got a stash of funny stories? Make sure you choose the most harmless ones or the ones that show you in a neutral or positive light. Share them.
- Stories of you two. One of the best things to talk to a sugar daddy about are moments and experiences that you two share. After a couple dates, you’ll be able to reminisce on funny things that happened, share inside jokes, and so on.
Just as important as knowing the right things to say is to avoid the wrong things to say. Let’s get into a few big no-no’s you definitely don’t want to end up talking about with your sugar daddy.
What NOT to Say to a Sugar Daddy
Knowing what NOT to say to a sugar daddy is every bit as important as knowing what to say to a sugar daddy. Especially if you are just starting to chat or on the first sugar date.
Keep in mind that this potential sugar daddy does not know the whole you. So everything you say will paint a picture of who you are. You want this to be the most flattering picture possible.
This doesn’t mean you need to lie. It’s more about knowing what to leave unsaid.
Here’s what NOT to say to a sugar daddy, especially when you are first getting to know him.
No sob stories
This one is so very important that it must be repeated twice: NO sob stories. Sad tales of woe never make for good date banter. Or any banter. No sugar daddy will find this sexy, desirable or something they want from a potential sugar baby.
This includes discussing your financial problems. Yes, it’s great to discuss what your budget is and what you’re looking for but don’t try to sound like you’re broke and make him feel sympathetic to help you.
This should not be the candlelit dinner equivalent of panhandling. You two have already agreed to meet up for mutual reasons. Let your personality and future goals do the talking. There are much better, more clever ways to wheedle the allowance you want out of him.
Don’t dig into his personal life
The reason a sugar daddy is looking for an arrangement is to escape from his regular life. He wants to focus on you, feel like he’s young again, and have a fun, carefree time.
He wants a distraction from whatever else is going on at work or home life. If he mentions that he’s divorced and has kids, don’t ask him why the marriage didn’t work out and what his kids names are. It may seem thoughtful that you’re asking about his family but a first date is not the right time for that.
Don’t go too deep into yours
On a related note, this is also not the right time to relate to him about his personal matters. If he mentions he’s going through a divorce – just nod sympathetically until you can turn the conversation to lighter, more fun and connected matters.
Do not use the opportunity to talk about how your own parents’ divorce affected you.
Don’t ask how much he makes
I get it, you want to know how much a sugar daddy makes. After all, if he has more money it means he has a bigger budget to spoil you with or give you a bigger allowance.
But what he makes is personal information. Most sugar daddies usually don’t disclose what they make but if you listen, they will talk about the successes of different businesses they run, how much they travel, what their job is and you’ll be able to get a feel of what their figures are.
For example I’ve had a sugar daddy who ran an event center that did fairly well. He was no multi-millionaire but he had a little extra to spend. I’ve also had a sugar daddy who was a successful lawyer dealing with top cases and loved showing off his Mercedes. Of course he had a bigger budget.
Comments on his age
It’s common for sugar babies to have a pretty large age difference with their sugar daddies. And even if you truly think “age is just a number” and you’re not usually conscious of the sugar daddy age difference – he probably is.
Things will come up to draw attention to it, especially if the age difference is larger, say 20 plus years. He may not get pop culture references you make, you may not get his. You both may get stares.
The last thing you want to do is draw more attention to the age difference. Even if it’s complimentary – i.e. “You definitely don’t look 60” or “You look really young for your age,” it still focuses the attention on something that he may sensitive about.
Overall, comments on age are just better avoided.
I deserve this and this
There is nothing that turns off a real sugar daddy more than an entitlement mindset.
Many of the most successful sugar daddies you’ll meet have earned what they got – through persistence, dedication and pure grit.
They’re not used to having things handed to them and they know the value of working for what you get. So an entitlement mentality is going to turn them off more than anything.
Instead of demanding the things you think you deserve, focus the attention on what you’re bringing to the table. If he’s a real sugar daddy, the rest will follow.
Discretion really matters
Discretion is one of the most important things that sugar daddies look for. So a smart thing to do is to demonstrate that you understand its importance very early on.
You can do this simply by being discreet in discussing the arrangement in public spaces.
Instead of blurting out “Why did you join SugarDaddy.com?” – you can ask a simple “What are you looking for?” He’ll understand immediately what you mean.
Also, talking about an allowance could raise some flags too if you’re throwing big numbers in the hundreds and thousands out there. You can either be a little more hushed discussing it and not mention the word of allowance, instead ask “What’s your range? How often can you meet? Weekly? Monthly?” These words don’t raise quite an alarm if someone is sitting next to you.
On a related note, be mindful of how your sugar daddy reacts to the conversation and the surroundings. If he seems visibly nervous or uncomfortable whenever you bring up the topic of allowance, it may not be that he’s reluctant to provide one – it could just be that he would prefer to discuss these matters in a more private setting.
In those cases, just smile and say something like “how about we talk about this later, over the phone?” And then steer the conversation to where your sugar daddy is comfortable and happy.
These little things matter and potential sugar daddies will pick up on them. And if you’ve impressed them – in our experience – an arrangement usually follows pretty quickly.
What Should I Not Tell My Sugar Daddy
We’ve covered some topics of conversation that should not be brought up, especially in the earlier stages of an arrangement.
But what about when a potential sugar daddy becomes your sugar daddy? Are there things that are still better left unsaid? We think so.
Of course, what you tell or don’t tell a sugar daddy is completely up to you and the type of relationship you have. But these following topics usually don’t do you any favors.
So what should you not tell your sugar daddy? Here’s the short list…
Politics and religion top the list here. Your sugar daddy may be much older than you and not share the same worldview. Unless you plan to marry the man, there is no reason to get into long, upsetting arguments on your differing viewpoints on these topics.
Offensive jokes, racial issues, and personal gossip are also high on the list of things not to talk about with a sugar daddy.
What Happens at the Club…
…Stays at the club. Say, you recently had a wild night out. There were a few shots too many and you ended up spending the night at a random guy’s pad or clutching the toilet for dear life.
These may be funny tales to share with your girlfriends but it’s not a story to share with a potential sugar daddy.
Even sugar daddies who are into partying prefer a sugar baby who can handle herself. Most sugar daddies are also looking for sugar babies who lead low-risk lifestyles.
There’s no shame in partying. But even if it was a hilarious story and it’s something that happens once in a blue moon for you, think twice before sharing it with a sugar daddy.
Don’t Kiss and Tell
Perhaps you’ve had past arrangements that did not go over too well. Maybe you’ve just kissed a lot of frogs in the dating world.
Whatever it is – try to leave it out of conversations with a sugar daddy.
Badmouthing past sugar daddies does not show you in a positive light. It’s not only uninteresting date conversation, it can also put a potential sugar daddy on his guard. He will be wondering what you’re going to say about him when you two part ways.
Got any more suggestions on what to say to a sugar daddy – or what not to say? Share in the comments!