Ah, the sugar baby allowance. Even the most experienced of us can find ourselves getting squeamish when it comes to talking money with a potential sugar daddy.
Here are our top 10 allowance tips to help you get what you want gracefully and effortlessly.
1. Get Comfortable Asking
The most important step to getting what you want is asking for it. We all know this, but hey, it can be so uncomfortable to ask for money.
If the thought of asking for what you want makes you a little queasy, take the time to make yourself comfortable with it before you begin talking allowance with potential sugar daddies.
We recommend this little exercise. Practice makes perfect, so rinse and repeat ’til you can state what you want without so much as an eyelid bat.
2. Allowance Après Date
This is such a simple, yet effective, means of negotiating allowance: Don’t discuss it on your first date with a potential sugar daddy. Concentrate all your first date efforts solely on impressing him wildly.
A genuine, interested sugar daddy will bring up the allowance on his own. If he mentions it during the date, take it as a sign that he’s definitely interested, smile and tell him that you’d like the first date to be focused on simply getting to know each other.
Suggest that if he’s interested in an arrangement with you, he could call you to talk about the allowance after the date.
This simple move immediately does a few things for you:
- Sends the potential sugar daddy the message that you’re more interested in a suitable arrangement than money. And that little message also sends another message: that he cannot control you or gain your interest with his money alone. This makes it easier for you to discuss the terms of the relationship, set boundaries, and negotiate your allowance.
- Makes it clear that you are nowhere near desperate and while you are interested in him, not overly so. This lack of overt interest gives you more control of the sugar relationship from the get-go.
Plus, utilizing this tip lets you take advantage of the next allowance tip…
3. Take Advantage of the Phone
Unless you’re really, really comfortable asking for what you want – you might prefer the distance of the telephone over a face-to-face discussion.
As they say, 93% of communication is non-verbal. If you’re not completely confident in what you’re asking for, the potential sugar daddy might be able to glean that through your expression, your hand gestures, your body language.
On the phone, however, all you need to control is your voice. Inject it with confidence and prepare to discuss allowance.
4. Know Your Options
Your sugar daddy might already have his preferences on how to give you your allowance, but it’s still a good idea to get to know your options.
How often do you want to receive your allowance? Weekly? Monthly?
How do you want to receive your allowance? Cash? Pre-paid credit card? Monthly bills paid? Read more about popular methods to receive a sugar baby allowance here.
There is no right or wrong answer to these questions – it’s just important that you know your options and go with what is most comfortable for you.
5. Do Your Research and Know His Range
Sugar daddies hail from various professions and income brackets. Before discussing allowance with your sugar daddy, do your part by researching what his range might be.
What’s the average income for someone in his profession in the city you’re living in? Is he an employee or does he own his own company? Does he have a family to support or is he single? Does he own his home or does he rent?
You can often find all this out by actively listening to the things he says as well as putting Google to good use.
Based on what you estimate to be his earning potential, you will know the reasonable range he can afford. Plus, you can weed out the men who are promising certain allowance amounts but clearly cannot afford it.
According to Seeking Arrangement, the average sugar daddy in 2013 earned a little over $270,000 and the average sugar baby allowance in 2013 was a little over $60,000. That comes to sugar daddies paying a little over 20% of their income toward their sugar babies (hey, we’re actually cheaper than US taxes). That’s a reasonable estimate of what you’re sugar daddy should be able to provide you and what you can expect from a sugar daddy.
Calculate his reasonable range and then negotiate.
6. Forget Ladies First
A genuine, interested sugar daddy will usually bring up the topic of allowance by asking you what you want.
If you’re not totally comfortable with stating your amount first, forget the whole “ladies first” thing and ask him for his range first (‘though you’ll already have an idea based on your research). The easiest way to do so is to approach the topic indirectly by asking if he’s had previous arrangements. Ask how they went, what the terms were, how the relationship was, and what the allowance arrangement had been.
If he hasn’t had previous arrangements, keep in mind that people are more inclined to answer an uncomfortable question after being asked a range of more comfortable questions so start out the discussion by asking your potential sugar daddy questions like, “What does your ideal arrangement look like?” “How often do you want to meet me?”Continue asking questions about the arrangement and then pop in the question of what allowance range he’d be comfortable with.
If he low-balls you, when you know his range can very reasonably be higher, rebut with something like, “Oh, I was thinking more like $x,xxx.”
7. A “Yes” is a Given
When negotiating allowance, assume that he’ll give it to you.
When he asks you for the allowance you want, tell him simply and matter-of-factly: “I’m thinking $x,xxx.”
Keep a smile on your face, maintain eye contact, and say it as naturally as you would tell him what you’re ordering off the menu. Your amount might seem high to you, but remember that SDs have probably heard it all: girls asking for $10,000+, cars, etc., so you reasonable allowance range is probably not that surprising.
Don’t low ball yourself. Ask for what you want.
8. Remember: You’re Just Getting Your Due
This is a key point that all sugar babies must remember at all times: Asking for allowance is NOT asking for a handout.
You’re negotiating an allowance for a number of services being rendered to your sugar daddy.
And sugar daddies may be a lot of things, but they are not financially stupid. Your potential sugar daddy is not giving you an allowance out of the kindness of his heart. He is getting something valuable out of it. He knows it. You should too.
You listen to him talk about work. You make him laugh. You remind him of his youth. You are there for him physically, emotionally, mentally. He’s not doing you a favor by giving you allowance – he’s reciprocating for how you make him feel. This is no small service – people spend the majority of their money to be made to feel a certain way. It’s a considerable service so don’t ever spend any of your energy feeling bad about asking for what you want.
9. Your Allowance = Your Money
Some sugar daddies might express shock or surprise when you state your allowance range. Some will even ask you what you plan on doing with all that money, as if you need to justify your allowance to them.
You don’t have to.
An allowance is not a handout. You’ve earned it.
Can you imagine a potential employer asking you what you’re going to do with all that income you’re earning at their company? Of course not. That’d be preposterous – once the company pays you for your services, it’s your money. Not theirs.
Same thing with the sugar allowance. You don’t need to justify the amount you’re asking for. Don’t talk about your debt, your bills, etc. – there’s no need for all that. He’s asking you how much you require and that’s all you need to say.
If he asks – don’t tabulate anything, don’t justify anything. Say something simple and sensible like, “A girl’s gotta save, you know…” and end it with a smile.
In our experience, if a potential sugar daddy keeps on asking why you would need all that money – chances are, he’s not going to make a great sugar daddy to begin with as he simply doesn’t understand that by providing him a service, you have every right to spend the allowance that you earn any way you want.
10. Prepare to Say “Next”
Some sugar babies may disagree with us on this one, but we have this rule: If a potential sugar daddy does not agree to the allowance asked for (which is reasonable and within what we know is possible with his income range) – politely end the dinner and cross him off the potentials list.
Why?
In our experience, men who understand your value as a sugar baby are willing to pay for it. They know you’re worth it. They want what you have to offer. And like companies who want to recruit the best talent, these sugar daddies are prepared to give you what you’re asking for.
These men make better investments in the long run because they already know you’re worthwhile.
We don’t recommend ever begging or trying to convince any sugar daddy to give you what you want. If he doesn’t already see you as a worthwhile investment, he’s not going to be a great sugar daddy anyway.
And by settling for less than what you want – you’re not going to be happy enough to keep him happy. It’s a two-way street. Your needs must be met. The good sugar daddies know this. They show it by giving you what you want.
Bonus Tip: 11. There are Exceptions
At the same time, sometimes you’ll run into a potential sugar daddy who you have a great dynamic with…but he does not make enough to give you the ideal allowance.
In those cases, we’d say: go with the sugar daddy you like even if his allowance is a little bit lower than ideal. An enjoyable arrangement comes from more than just allowance.
Ready to put these allowance tips to good use? If you haven’t already, get yourself on the best sugar daddy websites and start mingling now!
thank you!! we SBs just need extra confidence when asking for what we want… I’ve written about all my good and bad scenarios with sugar daddies >> thesugardaddydiary dot wordpress dot com
xoxo thanks again these helped so much! : )
http://thesugarbabydiary.wordpress.com
Elle, sweetie your blog needs to be renewed. I was curious so I clicked the link. I can’t retrieve it. You needed to update as of Oct. Please do so I can check you out. Thanks?
Hi there,
Just curious…I’m a new SB without a SD just yet. I find this article helpful but how do I come up with a value for myself? I have no idea how much I would ask for even if I knew my SD’s income. How do I figure out what I am worth…
You are worth more than anything.
Easy way to figure out is to leave it up to him and if he offers you less tell him thats not going to be enough for u
This way u ll always end up getting more than u want to ask for. And great thing about it is ur SD will always think u r not a burden because he gives u whatever he decided so u will be a sweet SB for him this way
Hey Ash, honestly I would say check up on his annual income then take 15-25% of it and that’s what your sb annual income should be, of course you can divide it however you’d like (weekly, bi weekly, etc)
Just a little rule of thumb I used starting out!
You are worth whatever you think an hour of your time is worth. You are considering this gentleman and the more time you spend with him, the more you are worth. It really all comes down to how much time you are willing to spend with him. If you do that, you can start with, say, $25 per hour?
20% of the SD income us expected huh? Lol!
Seeking Arrangement lists the average allowances on its site annually. Used to be $2800/mon, now up to $3300/mon. This article says it’s $5000/mon! Where do they get this stuff?! Just feeds incorrect info into young girls’ heads and then they start calling all men “sand” when they find out they can’t get $5000/mon for sitting at a dinner table using their iPhone.
Interesting article. A couple of observations.
How does Seeking Arrangement have data the average SB payment? I’m doubtful that SBs report back their earnings to Seeking Arrangement.
The author’s math is fuzzy. $60K of $270K isn’t just 22% of the SD’s income, it represents 40% of his income after taxes. After taxes, all things equal, $270K is around $150K (take my word on this). Also, people who make that kind of money have expensive houses and toys (again, trust me on this). Only the most generous of SD (the 1% of the 1%) would sink that much money into a SB. And she will likely look like Angelina Jolie, but smarter, more articulate and charming.
Exactly my thoughts. This author is setting unrealistic expectations. Some areas of midwest a sugarbaby will be luck to land 10k as allowance. Now if someone from california flies her over than its a different stories. Most SBs dont mind occasional travel, but most are unwilling to locate. They can go to big cities for dates, but than its nothing more than escort.
I can afford a Mercedes, but I choose to drive a VW — and I did not pay the Mercedes price for it. Not every girl is worth 20% of my income, and no girl will get 20% of my income. Admittedly, that means I won’t have a Kim Kardashian on my arm (of course, she probably could command more than my entire income….).
A girl’s worth is based on more than the man’s income. It’s based in large part on HER, and also on how much he wants it. For every girl who smiles and says “20% of your income” there are many who will giggle and swoon for 10%. The SD gets to decide if the one who wants 20% is worth double the price.
Hello Harry!
Total self delusion@ 60K right off the bat ,assuming a long term arrangement is desired.The role of a SB is to ask for and receive a realistic “starting salary ” -not some pie in the sky number that will turn most of the real and decent SD’s OFF.
I am looking for someone to talk to. I am 40 so a little older than that. I do however have children so that might be a problem.
Hello :-),
I desperately need advice; please HELP 😉
JSB contacted me end of december by email saying he wanted a SD/SB relationship with me. I agreed to meet him.
1st meeting – we had tea at my appartment – he said about giving me an allowance; such an amount at first and it would go up after 3 months, 6 months, etc… I did NOT had sex with him although he wanted to.
2nd meeting, I invite FSB for brunch. We had sex and everything went perfectly – yet, no flowers, no wine and no discussion about $$$$
3rd date, again at my place, I prepare little food. Again, we had sex and everything went fine – yet, no flowers, no wine and no discussion about $$$$
On Valentyne day he send me a e-card. He is really nice looking, I dont have the feeling he’s a bad man!?
He wants to visit me tonight! I would love it… but I want the $$$ discussion… actually, the $$$.
What do I do, what do I say? How to I bring up the topic?
Thank you in advance for you help,
Bisous xoxoxo
Hi Lola, we always, always advise SBs to not have sex – or do anything that’s too relationship-y – before starting an arrangement. That means already having talked about the allowance (at least by the second date), worked out an allowance/situation you’re both comfortable with, allowance receiving options, etc. Right now, you’re already acting like his SB although he’s done nothing to warrant being your SD. It’s not about whether he’s a good man or a bad man – it’s about whether he’s able to fulfill what you want and it sounds like he’s not doing that. At this point, you’ll have to broach the allowance topic with him and be ready to move on to other POTs if it doesn’t pan out. Good luck!
That was brilliantly stated!
Mazel Tov!! And I mean the “very nice job!” kind of Mazel Tov, not the “good luck!” kind. Ha!
Seriously though, I really enjoyed reading your comment!
You played yourself. You just gave this man sex and lunch for free. Wow.I’d never.
Hey! My SD and I have been seein each other for almost a year now and I have been saving majority of the allowance money I have earned. I am now wanting to put a down payment on a condo but wondering how I would go about trying to get a mortgage. My sd is giving me the allowance through PayPal each week.
Where did you find your sd and how did you get him to pay you thru paypal??
Thanks for this post.
Hey question…. about the profile… I read all the articles and (can’t remember which one but) one mentioned to always keep looking/hunting for the right one. So my question is about the profile. I am a SB and my profile is straight up but light hearted. I read another SB profile just to see what they are writing and she wrote all kinds of emotional qualities she has and is looking for her pic was provocative and her words made her seem sweet and loving etc…. I know a lot of these profiles are fake (on both sides), but what exactly is the “right thing” to say in short that conveys the right message? I mean are there “magic words” that will articulate the fact that I need the allowance w/o the BS??
As an aspiring sugar baby in Texas, figuring out what I want for a monthly allowance is a little difficult and time consuming. Something I’ve found that really helps is taking two separate tests on the Texas Reality Check: one with a slightly ideal/slightly more luxurious lifestyle than what you need and one with a lifestyle that fits your needs perfectly with a tiny bit of wiggle room. The Texas Reality Check will tell you monthly expenses and then factor in annual taxes and tell you the salary you need. I find that this is a big help in not only saving and budgeting money but also how big your allowance needs to be if you expect to live off a sugar daddy alone for at least a year. It’s not perfect but it gives a general idea of how expensive it is just to live in your area.
I’ve had 3 sugar relationships in the past. In my first one, I chose someone who I had mediocre chemistry with who was struggling financially. It was a mistake, but one I quickly got out of. The allowance there was $400 per meet….though since the chemistry wasn’t strong I wasn’t exactly clamoring to meet her and it eventually faded.
With the 2nd I had very strong chemistry with. I’m 40 and she was 30 so the age difference wasn’t huge and she also had a job and a stable income. Ultimately with her, there wasn’t even an allowance and it was really more like a regular relationship…though I essentially just paid for all our fun activities like concerts, dinners, vacations, and also for her to get her hair and nails done and for her yoga classes. We talked about it being a more serious relationship even, but it ended when I had to move.
The last one was with someone who was 20 years younger. The chemistry was good and the allowance was $3500 a month.
I’m still friends with the 2nd SB, and she still will say she misses me and that even though she’s had SD’s give her more money…she enjoyed our SD-SB relationship the most. Ultimately the range a SB can most likely expect is from a 1000 to 5000. Very few will go higher, even if they can afford to. I make over 400K a year with a net worth in the millions, but I have my own investment and financial goals too and wouldn’t give out more than 4000. But it’s not just about the money for both parties. Both SD and SB should focus on selecting someone they truly enjoy and like and let the financial element work itself out.
Hi! Loved this article. I am actually a sugar baby and my sugar daddy is the founder of Pornhub… yeah pretty crazy right.. So knowing my SD is financially okay to take care of me he still makes it so awkward to talk about money and he’s so emotional (believe it or not lol). But reading this made me remember I AM PRICELESS. Always, always speak up for what you think is right and so far it’s gotten me really far along with my SD. You have to also remember it’s not all about the money that’s handed to you…. I’ve met so many great connections being with my sugar daddy and you also can’t put a price on that!! I wish every little pretty sugar baby the best in their journey for life!
OMG. What a sugar-coated article. I wish someone would get real and call SBs what they are – they are a different genre of prostitutes. It’s true. Saying otherwise is avoiding the truth.
My POT just ask me what my expectation from the arrangement and i reply i want SD who can help me build better life for myself & my kids, give me allowance $2500 per month and loves spoils me..then he tell me that the arrangement seems to be very lopsided to my advantage only btw he didn’t tell me what his expectation at all..so what can i must tell him?
I am new to this too, hopped on seekingarrangements.com. If they are just going to sit there and say it is one sided, politely say goodbye and move on. Too may fish in the sea. I have asked each one what they were expecting and even told one this morning that we may be looking for different things. I have kids myself am and not going to travel around to strangers when I have things to do. Now if I knew my soon to be SD for a while and trusted him I may start taking trips, but you know.
If he is coming at you like that, he is more than likely suffering from some financial strain. In other words, he can’t really afford the arrangement and wants to guilt you into taking less. Don’t. Cut him off.
Un-realistic –
If there is a genuine connection, care and concern (both one for another) in the SD/SB relationship then yes, the SB would be considered ‘priceless’ to the SD. With that same token, the SD would be considered invaluable to the SB as well. In other words, the SD will not just be viewed as an ATM and the SB will not be viewed as little more than a deposit box of various sorts. Time passed to demonstrate life’s stresses and how one helps the other in those situations can be the proving points which first show the other POT their value to one another. In this what is born is what I refer to as a genuine affection. With certain details of one another’s lives, resources, hopes and dreams having been exposed, the working with one another through time to achieve those things is what will reap the highest rewards for both the SB and SD. Money is no longer an object, but a tool to make things happen. Taking time and giving attention and affection is no longer an obligation, but an eager giving to help make those same things happen. – Men and women both aren’t all stupid. If you happen to stumble across a guy wanting to be a true SD, any games quickly become realized and all that is achieved is a cutting of oneself short. A never ending search for the next, basically only changing the title of the oldest profession in the world to that of being a SB. I shouldn’t have to be here teaching you SB’s how to ‘play’ your SD. But if you’re playing a game then you get what you get. Take the player out of it and think about what you can do to make him feel special. What can you do to make it so that he is truly better with you in his life? How can you be so helpful that all of a sudden one day he is of the thought that your givings in his life are so valuable that there is no limit to what he would do for you? If you think it’s just in the bedroom… maybe an escort service is more suitable for what you really are. – Again though, unless the connection, admiration and respect for one another is truly there, it’s not so easy to do I understand that as well. If you fake it he will know. If you’re not so eager to hunt for a paycheck in this fashion like an escort, then you can be patient and hopefully find a true SD/SB relationship that makes you both happy in all aspects.
This. The goal is to get a sucker to fall for your charm. You don’t go around begging. Setting a price makes you a prostitute. Period.
When setting an allowance, should I start low and try to increase it as the arrangement continues? Or is it okay to ask for a higher or lower allowance each month? I need help paying for school and buying a car but my tuition changes every semester and I have no idea how much my car payments and insurance will be.
Hey I’m ambree I really need a one on one talk person text with a real successful experience sugar baby . I keep & keep getting scammed & i need to know what to do diffrently .
I would like fo find a genuine and generous SD,that would like to start an a special arrangement. . . More than arrangement.
Hello! I’m a new sugar baby and I need help with this situation. He asked me for an account number and routing number, red flag. But he keeps talking about how he want me to just be his sugar baby. So I was like why do you need my account number and all that stuff when in reality all you need to send me money is an email. And he was like oh it’s cause I have a fixed deposit payroll account idk what that is. But anyways I was like here’s my cash app code send me money on their and he wants me to get a cash app card so I get a account number and routing number from their and it’s in no way connected to my actual bank account but they send a card but is that a good idea?