There’s a lot of sugar baby advice out there on the Internet. But how much of it is written by real life sugar babies?
This article is.
These 9 pieces of must-read sugar baby advice are all gems of hard-earned wisdom from sugar babies who’ve played the game and got the t-shirt.
And as experienced sugar babies, they’ve hit that point in their journey where they look back on past sugar dates and arrangements and think, “If only I knew what I know now…“
Of course, there’s no going back but what we can do is impart the hard lessons we’ve learned along the way so that first time sugar babies don’t have to fall over the same stepping stones.
So without further ado, here’s the most important sugar baby advice that 9 experienced sugar babies wish they’d known when they were first starting out.
Sugar Daddies Don’t Hold All the Power
It’s easy to be intimidated when you’re first venturing into the sugar world. After all, the men you are suddenly meeting are unlike the young boys you’ve experienced thus far.
Sugar daddies are educated. They’re polished. They’re well-traveled. Not to mention cultured, wealthy, and experienced in a whole lot of things that you aren’t.
But sugar babies hold a lot of power, too. Sure, the sugar daddy has a lot of things you want but guess what? You also have a whole lot of things that he wants!
Here’s how Chantelle, aka The West Coast Princess, realized belatedly:
“When I began, I wish I had known about the power I had as a sugar baby. I think many women starting out may not realize that they carry leverage and are allowed to have their own set of demands in an arrangement, too.”
So understand that your wants and needs matter just as much. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship for a reason. Don’t just agree to a sugar daddy’s high standards and requirements without asserting your own needs and desires.
Know What You Want
As a sugar baby, you need to know what you want in order to comfortably ask for it and get it. You can’t be vague about it either.
So many sugar babies meet sugar daddies without being able to clearly and confidently ask for what they want. When finally pressed, they mumble something about gifts or money.
This does not go well. Especially since there are fake sugar daddies who’ll gloss over the gifts and allowance part until you’re already in a full blown arrangement with him…without any benefits for you. And plenty of potential sugar daddies feel uncomfortable talking about the “money” topic so will wait for you to bring it up.
So be ready to bring it up. Hattie, aka The Mature Babe, realized this well after she was already in the sugar dating world. And wished that she would’ve prepped herself to deal with the financial before meeting.
Sure, it’s uncomfortable. But you know what’s worse? Wasting months and months of your time on arrangements that don’t come with actual benefits.
Be Ready to Talk About Money
On a similar note, you need to be comfortable talking about the terms of the arrangement. Specifically, money.
We get it. It’s awkward at first. That’s why it’s a huge stumbling block for many first time sugar babies. Here’s Noelle, aka The Different One put it:
“I was so scared of talking finances because it felt like such a touchy subject. And I especially didn’t want the arrangement to feel like a transaction.”
But being straightforward about how much you need and how you’ll get paid is the best thing you can do for each other.
Figure out how and when you get paid. Do you want to get paid monthly? Bi-weekly? Weekly? Pay per date? Noelle finally firmed up what she wanted after she’d been scammed a couple times from sugar daddies saying “don’t worry I’ll take care of things.”
There’s nothing worse than waiting for the monthly bills to come in while expecting monthly allowance and then low and behold, never seeing a single penny after a month of companionship is wasted.
She switched to the Pay Per Meet option because it’s the easiest form. It seems like a lot of sugar daddies now lean towards that payment as well. This way, you know you’re getting money when you say goodbye at the end of the date. If for any reason, someone wants to disappear and not contact the other party again, there are no funds owed and no time lost.
Your eagerness to see them as much as you can doesn’t determine the fact that a sugar daddy is going to pay you. Just figure it out right away so you won’t waste each other’s time if there is a disagreement.
Two Sugar Daddies are Better Than One
This doesn’t mean that every sugar baby should juggle more than one sugar daddy at a time. Rather, it means that it’s important to not hyper-focus on one potential sugar daddy.
Because things happen.
Noelle has experienced that in the sugar world, things fall through more often than not. You snagged a sugar daddy, been on a few dates, that’s great! But that also doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever. Don’t get too caught up on the thought of “everything’s great now.”
Stuff happens. Chemistry fizzles out, you don’t get along as well as you did in the beginning, schedule conflicts, you’re bored with each other, you realize they’re not “the one” and vice versa.
Things will shift and you two will know and feel the arrangement coming to an end.
You’ll meet and go on more first dates than you will have a steady arrangement working out. BUT keep in mind that you will need to go on many first dates in order to find that steady arrangement.
Like all dating, it’s a numbers game. So be prepared for a lot of dates.
Brush Off Bad Daddies Quickly
The unfortunate truth about the sugar world is that it draws a lot of jerks.
Here’s what Georgina, aka Quirky Fashionista, has to say about it:
“Be prepared to be ghosted at every stage of the process, even by the ones who say they’re “reliable”! When it happens, don’t waste time lamenting your loss or trying to rope him back in, no matter how genuinely interested he seemed.
Normally this happens when someone would rather not say what’s on their mind, and relationships tend to work best when people attempt to communicate. You should be with someone who wants to maintain a presence in your life.”
But ghosting isn’t the worst of it. MJ, aka Sugar Baby Mrs. quickly learned to have thick skin when diving into the sugar world:
“I wish I would’ve known just how rude and degrading these men can be. Obviously I didn’t expect roses and sunshine from everyone I came across, but I definitely didn’t expect some man I didn’t know to tell me I worthless without him and that I was a useless whore (all because I didn’t send nudes by the way).
I also didn’t know just how many sweet and amazing men I would meet along the way.”
The sugar world is like the normal world at large – it’s mostly good apples with a couple rotten ones thrown in. The good ones balance things out in the end.
And for the ones that truly suck? Don’t bother getting upset. Especially when you can just brush it off and hit the block button!
All Good Things Take Time
…And that includes finding a sugar daddy. There’s this assumption by newbie sugar babies that they’ll simply set up a profile and then have a sugar daddy in a few days.
But when you’ve been sugar dating awhile, you know how laughably untrue this is.
Here’s what Noelle experienced:
“I wish I knew that it’s going to take time to find a sugar daddy. I thought “Oh, I can just make a profile this week and get a SD as soon as this week or next week.”
I was so beyond wrong! It took me 2 months to finally get and meet up with my first SD because when I think about it now, these men probably get dozens if not hundreds of messages from SBs and these SDs want their perfect match and know they are spending their hard earned money on someone they think deserves it.”
The fact is – it can take months to find a real sugar daddy, especially if you’re willing to wait for the right match.
Connection Trumps Everything
The one thing you hear from experienced sugar babies time and time again is this: a real sugar arrangement is about a lot more than simply sex or money. As with all human relationships, it boils down to connection.
Lindsey, aka Miss Independent put it best:
“I wish I had known that successful sugar relationships are built on a connection, not on sex. If your Daddies don’t care about you as a person, the relationship and benefits won’t be as stable.”
Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Baby, agrees:
“Basing it on sex might mean meeting up once or twice but basing it on a connection leads to something long term and much better benefits.”
The media may paint sugar dating with a simplistic sex-and-money stroke. But take it from actual sugar babies: connection matters most. Which leads us to…
It’s Not All About the Money
One of the biggest truths that new sugar babies learn the hard way is that a bigger allowance does not equate to a better sugar daddy.
So many sugar babies make the sugar dating experience into a miserable one by choosing a sugar daddy based on the allowance he has to offer.
Moira, aka Innocent Missionary Sugar Baby advises strongly against making this mistake:
“Don’t have an arrangement with a man that you can’t stand. It will never work out. Be in an arrangement where you are excited to see his reaction when you step out of the bathroom in that sexy lingerie.”
Sugar dating can be miserable or fun – and it all depends on the dynamic you have with your sugar daddy. Allowance is only one of the perks of being a sugar baby. The rest are a little less tangible.
Here’s how Noelle puts it:
“It’s not just about the money! I described above that money was my main goal (and I guess my only goal) but as I spent time with my SDs more, you really connect with this person and start to understand each other and a friendship and a relationship (romantic or non romantic) blooms.”
We can’t stress this enough. It’s really not all about the money. Sure, that may be the original motivator for sugar babies. But the more time you spend with a sugar daddy, the more you connect with and understand each other. Eventually, you may find yourself in a friendship/relationship.
Choose a sugar daddy based on factors outside of money. Choose one based on your dynamic. Make sure you actually like the guy or it won’t last.
Have a Rainy Day Fund
This might be funny coming from a sugar dating blog. But we’re going to quote Kiyosaki here and say: “A man is not a financial plan.”
Sugar daddies come and sugar daddies go.
Make sure that you’re covered no matter what your sugar situation is.
Here’s how Caitlin, aka Plain Jane puts it:
“Save and invest the money you make while sugar baby-ing. Instead of spending it on shopping sprees and bigger, better living, continue to live simply and save and invest your funds so you can be your own “sugar daddy” one day.
This is not just good for you, but your sugar daddy will respect that and be willing to help you out even more. So don’t just “get yours” – save and invest your sugar!
Having a backup fund also gives you the leverage to walk away from crappy arrangements.”
Your sugar stash can also just allow you to take care of yourself when you need some time away from your sugar baby lifestyle.
Anita, aka The Musical Theatre Sugar Baby found that sugar baby burnout is real:
“You will burn out. You will burn out. You will burn out. There will come a point in your sugaring life where you will hate what you are doing.”
If you need to walk away from the sugar baby life for awhile, having savings will allow you that freedom.