There’s a lot of sugar baby advice out there on the Internet. But how much of it is written by real life sugar babies?
This article is.
These 9 pieces of must-read sugar baby advice are all gems of hard-earned wisdom from sugar babies who’ve played the game and got the t-shirt.
And as experienced sugar babies, they’ve hit that point in their journey where they look back on past sugar dates and arrangements and think, “If only I knew what I know now…“
Of course, there’s no going back but what we can do is impart the hard lessons we’ve learned along the way so that first time sugar babies don’t have to fall over the same stepping stones.
So without further ado, here’s the most important sugar baby advice that 9 experienced sugar babies wish they’d known when they were first starting out.
Sugar Daddies Don’t Hold All the Power
It’s easy to be intimidated when you’re first venturing into the sugar world. After all, the men you are suddenly meeting are unlike the young boys you’ve experienced thus far.
Sugar daddies are educated. They’re polished. They’re well-traveled. Not to mention cultured, wealthy, and experienced in a whole lot of things that you aren’t.
But as Chantelle, aka The West Coast Princess, realized – sugar babies hold a lot of power, too. Sure, the sugar daddy has a lot of things you want but guess what? You also have a whole lot of things that he wants!
So understand that you also carry a lot of leverage and don’t just agree to a sugar daddy’s high standards and requirements without asserting your own needs and desires. Be confident asking for what you want and firm in clarifying what you are and aren’t comfortable doing. It may be intimidating at first, but it’ll lead to a better arrangement.
Know What You Want
As a sugar baby, you need to know what you want in order to comfortably ask for it and get it. You can’t be vague about it either.
So many sugar babies meet sugar daddies without being able to clearly and confidently ask for what they want. When finally pressed, they mumble something about gifts or money.
This does not go well. Especially since there are fake sugar daddies who’ll gloss over the gifts and allowance part until you’re already in a full blown arrangement with him…without any benefits for you. And plenty of potential sugar daddies feel uncomfortable talking about the “money” topic so will wait for you to bring it up.
So be ready to bring it up. Hattie, aka The Mature Babe, realized this well after she was already in the sugar dating world. And wished that she would’ve prepped herself to deal with the financial before meeting.
Sure, it’s uncomfortable. But you know what’s worse? Wasting months and months of your time on arrangements that don’t come with actual benefits.
Be Ready to Talk About Money
On a similar note, you need to be comfortable talking about the terms of the arrangement. Specifically, money.
Noelle, aka The Different One found that this was a huge stumbling block for her when she first started sugar dating. She was so scared of talking finances because it felt like such a touchy subject. And she especially didn’t want the arrangement to feel like a transaction.
However, being straightforward in your messages or on the first date of how much you’re looking for and how you’ll get paid is the best thing you can do for each other.
Figure out how and when you get paid. Do you want to get paid monthly? Bi-weekly? Weekly? Pay per date? Noelle firmed up what she wanted after she’d been scammed a couple times from sugar daddies saying “don’t worry I’ll take care of things.” There’s nothing worse than waiting for the monthly bills to come in while expecting monthly allowance and then low and behold, never seeing a single penny after a month of companionship is wasted.
She turned to doing pay per dates/meet because it’s the easiest form. It seems like a lot of sugar daddies now lean towards that payment as well. This way, you know you’re getting money when you say goodbye at the end of the date. If for any reason, someone wants to disappear and not contact the other party again, there are no funds owed and no time lost.
Your eagerness to see them as much as you can doesn’t determine the fact that a sugar daddy is going to pay you. Just figure it out right away so you won’t waste each other’s time if there is a disagreement.
Two Sugar Daddies are Better Than One
This doesn’t mean that every sugar baby should juggle more than one sugar daddy at a time. Rather, it means that it’s important to not hyper-focus on one potential sugar daddy.
Because things happen.
Noelle has experienced that in the sugar world, things fall through more often than not. You snagged a sugar daddy, been on a few dates, that’s great! But that also doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever. Don’t get too caught up on the thought of “everything’s great now.”
Stuff happens. Chemistry fizzles out, you don’t get along as well as you did in the beginning, schedule conflicts, you’re bored with each other, you realize they’re not “the one” and vice versa.
Things will shift and you two will know and feel the arrangement coming to an end.
You’ll meet and go on more first dates than you will have a steady arrangement working out. BUT keep in mind that you will need to go on many first dates in order to find that steady arrangement.
Like all dating, it’s a numbers game. So be prepared for a lot of dates.
Brush Off Bad Daddies Quickly
The unfortunate truth about the sugar world is that it draws a lot of jerks. Georgina, aka Quirky Fashionista, quickly realized that ghosting is a common phenomenon with sugar daddies. She also quickly realized that it’s a waste of time to lament your loss or try to rope a ghoster back in.
But ghosting isn’t the worst of it. MJ, aka Sugar Baby Mrs., learned that you better be prepared to have thick skin when diving into the sugar world. There are rude and degrading men out there who can respond in mean, derogatory ways when they don’t get their way.
At the same time, though, she also learned that there are plenty of sweet and amazing men in the sugar world that balance things out.
And for the ones that truly suck? Ellie, aka Girl with the Red Hair, quickly learned not to get upset by disrespect and misogyny. Especially when you can just brush it off and hit the block button!
All Good Things Take Time
…And that includes finding a sugar daddy. There’s this assumption by newbie sugar daddies that they’ll simply set up a profile and then have a sugar daddy in a few days.
But when you’ve been sugar dating awhile, you know how laughably untrue this is.
The fact is – it can take months to find a real sugar daddy. Noelle found this out the hard way. She was thinking she’d by a sugar daddy by the end of the week. But it actually took 2 months to finally get and meet up with her first sugar daddy.
Connection Trumps Everything
The one thing you hear from experienced sugar babies time and time again is this: a real sugar arrangement is about a lot more than simply sex or money. As with all human relationships, it boils down to connection.
Lindsey, aka Miss Independent, says she wishes she had known that successful sugar relationships are built on a connection, not on sex. If your daddies don’t care about you as a person, the relationship and benefits won’t be as stable.
Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Baby, agrees. Basing it on sex might mean meeting up once or twice. But basing it on a connection leads to something long term and with much better benefits.
The media may paint sugar dating with a simplistic sex-and-money stroke. But take it from actual sugar babies: connection matters most. Which leads us to…
It’s Not All About the Money
One of the biggest truths that new sugar babies learn the hard way is that a bigger allowance does not equate to a better sugar daddy.
So many sugar babies make the sugar dating experience into a miserable one by choosing a sugar daddy based on the allowance he has to offer. Do yourself a huge favor and don’t make this mistake.
Sugar dating can be miserable or fun – and it all depends on the dynamic you have with your sugar daddy. Allowance is only one of the advantages of having a sugar relationship. The rest are a little less tangible.
Noelle can’t stress this enough. It’s really not all about the money. Sure, that may be the original motivator for sugar babies. But she’s noticed that the more time you spend with a sugar daddy, the more you connect with and understand each other. Eventually, you may find yourself in a friendship/relationship.
Choose a sugar daddy based on factors outside of money. Choose one based on your dynamic. Make sure you actually like the guy or it won’t last.
Have a Rainy Day Fund
This might be funny coming from a sugar dating blog. But we’re going to quote Kiyosaki here and say: “A man is not a financial plan.”
Sugar daddies come and sugar daddies go.
Make sure that you’re covered no matter what your sugar situation is.
That’s why Caitlin, aka Plain Jane‘s best sugar baby advice is to save and invest some of the money you get from sugar daddies. This rainy day sugar fund may very well be the very thing that allows you to walk away from a bad sugar relationship.
Or allows you to take care of yourself when you need some time away from your sugar baby lifestyle. Anita, aka The Musical Theatre Sugar Baby, found that sugar baby burnout is real. If you need to walk away from the sugar baby life for awhile, having savings will allow you that freedom.