Is a POT Ghosting You? Tips on Dealing with a Poof Daddy

By Caitlin


What do you do when your sugar daddy just disappears out of nowhere? You were both still texting each other last night and everything seemed great, he told you he can’t wait to see you on the next date and suddenly, poof.

Just like that you never get a reply.

Was it something you said? Maybe he’s just busy. Did he find another sugar baby who’s “better” than you and this is how he leaves you? Was he a first time daddy and he doesn’t want to do this anymore?

All of these are valid answers and you honestly won’t know until you ask him to be honest and upfront with you.

Me and my sugar daddy, let’s call him David. David and I went on fantastic and fun dates and had genuine chemistry. We would text each other every few days just to check up to see how our day was going and he would even give me surprise phone calls just because he “missed my voice.”

We had future dates planned out and everything was going great.

From time to time he’d cancel on dates but we would always re-schedule the date and he would always apologize for being so busy. He owned his own business and it was growing like crazy and I absolutely believed him and understood his commitment.

Understanding and communication in the biggest key in these arrangements. Staying silent and passive will not benefit anything and getting angry at the other person definitely will not get you anywhere.

Weeks passed without a response from him and I only shot him a couple text messages asking how he has been doing and hoping he was having a good day.

No response. So I stopped there, there’s no point of putting too much effort in and looking too desperate if he wanted to end the arrangement.

Then low and behold a month later my phone messages light up with a bunch of texts from David! He explains that he had to go to Arizona for his company and his phone broke while he was there and he was extremely sorry for not seeing my texts until now.

Hmm, so you’re saying you went phone-less for a month when you could’ve bought a new one? A little fishy, but I believed him because I was just happy to get a response back and see him soon.

We went on our next date and this was around Halloween so we went to those “haunted house” attractions and once again everything was fantastic. We had a good time, shared stories and jokes and he protected me from all the scary things that jump out at you. We said our goodbyes at the end of the night and looked forward to the next date.

Once again this same cycle happens….we’re texting and talking for a good few weeks and suddenly there’s no response from him again. I know David has a good heart and would never hurt anyone, so what is it this time again? I wish he would just tell me.

This time, I moved on and was on the search for a new sugar daddy because it was 3 months now and it didn’t seem plausible that anyone would bother returning a text after that long…

But here comes that familiar storyline again! I receive a bunch of texts mid afternoon from David saying how I’ve been on his mind a lot and him apologizing for how “sh***y” he’s been with replying.

I had two choices here, ignore him and move on or give him another chance and risk this happening again. Just from being 24 years old and learning from so much of my mistakes already, I’m not one to keep giving chances to people who won’t change. I’m not dumb in that way.

But something in me knew David wasn’t a bad person and he was trying so hard to make this arrangement work with his schedule but didn’t know how. So I gave him one last chance.

We arranged to see each other the weekend he was back in town and when we saw each other we hugged each other like nothing changed. We were both as excited to see each other but I had to get the big pink elephant out of the room because I know it was on both of our minds.

So we both sat down and I confronted him on his schedule and why he didn’t reply for months on end. He said his business really lifted off and there was so much to do everyday that he was putting in 18 hour work shifts and started to get really stressed.

When he had time off he wanted to see his family because they were getting mad at David for not making time for them. This was also his first sugar arrangement as well so he wasn’t sure on how to approach things and the idea of it all scared him. 
And that’s all I wanted to hear, the truth. He didn’t know how to tell me all of that and thought I would disappear on him if he ever told me but him telling me all that made our arrangement stronger.

We finally identified the problem and said “Okay, so how do we work on it?”.  Since then we’ve had amazing communication when it comes to texting and he’s not afraid to tell me now “Work is really busy, I can’t talk for a few days because I need to focus on x, y and z but I’ll text you right when it’s over and let’s go for dinner on the weekend!” He knows that I understand his schedule and our communication is wide open.

If you’re dealing with a poof daddy or a daddy who’s “ghosting” you, the best way is to sit them down in person and calmly ask what is going on. Go in with a very understanding open mind that as confused as you are, they have their side of the story.

If the answer is something you can work around, then great! If not then maybe it’s time to part ways, there’s no point of trying to move an arrangement forward when both parties aren’t working towards that common goal.

Happy sugar dating to you babies and I would love to hear in the comments below if you’ve had a similar situation!

Editor’s Note: Noelle’s poof daddy actually came through and transformed himself into a bona fide sugar daddy…but unfortunately, that’s not always the case with poof daddies.

So here’s a few parting tips on dealing with these frustratingly elusive creatures:

  • Stay cool. The last thing you want to do is blow up on a POT. Remember that in a sugar relationship, you don’t have the same demands on your sugar daddy as you would on a boyfriend or a husband. Also, many of these men are genuinely busy trying to juggle a billion projects and obligations so it won’t bode well for a new relationship if you bring on the drama too quickly, too intensely. So cool it.
  • …But keep searching. The easiest way to keep your cool? Keep your options wide open. In fact, we always suggest this because there’s not just one POT out there – there are a lot of potential sugar daddies to meet, flirt with, connect with and potentially end up in arrangements with. So always be reaching out to new POTs. That way, if a poof daddy decides to do his vanishing act, it’ll be easier to wish him well when you’re slurping oysters with a new POT.
  • Know your limits. The question with poof daddies really comes down to one thing: is it worth the frustration? This, obviously, depends on you and your preferences but if we could weigh in on how to make the decision, it’d be these tips: Noelle had a 3-strikes-and-you’re-out policy, which is a good way to give POTs a chance while still maintaining your standards. Another consideration is what are you getting from it? If he’s still sending your allowance on time while he disappears, that’s fairly acceptable but if his disappearing acts threaten your sense of security – when will I see him again? is this arrangement still on?!” – it may be time to give him the slip yourself.

This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Noelle, aka The Different One. You can check out her sugar baby story here!

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