Is a sugar daddy ghosting you? Looks like you’ve got a poof daddy on your hands. So what do you do when your sugar daddy just disappears out of nowhere? You were both still texting each other last night and everything seemed great, he told you he can’t wait to see you on the next date and suddenly, poof.
Just like that. You never even got a reply.
Was it something you said? Maybe he’s just busy. Did he find another sugar baby who’s “better” than you and this is how he leaves you? Was he a first time daddy and he doesn’t want to do this anymore?
All of these are valid answers but there’s no way of knowing. Trust me, I’ve been there. Here’s what I learned from the experience.
My Poof Daddy Experience
Me and my sugar daddy, let’s call him David. David and I got along really well. We would text each other every few days just to check up to see how our day was going. He would even give me surprise phone calls just because he “missed my voice.”
We had future dates planned out and everything was going great.
From time to time, he’d cancel on dates but we would always re-schedule the date and he would always apologize for being so busy. He owned his own business and it was growing like crazy. I absolutely believed him and understood his commitment.
Until suddenly, he just poof – disappeared. Weeks passed without a response from him. I shot him a couple text messages asking how he has been doing and hoping he was having a good day.
Then low and behold a month later my phone messages light up with a bunch of texts from David! He explained that he had to go to Arizona for his company. His phone broke while he was there and he was extremely sorry for not seeing my texts until now.
Hmm, so you’re saying you went phone-less for a month when you could’ve bought a new one? A little fishy, but I believed him because I was just happy to get a response back and see him soon.
We went on our next date around Halloween. We went to one of those “haunted house” attractions. Once again, everything was fantastic. We had a good time, shared stories and jokes. He protected me from all the scary things that jump out at you.
We said our goodbyes at the end of the night and looked forward to the next date.
Is a Sugar Daddy Ghosting You or Just Busy?
Once again, the same cycle happened. We’re texting and talking for a good few weeks and suddenly there’s no response from him again. I know David has a good heart and would never hurt anyone, so what is it this time again? I wish he would just tell me.
This time, I moved on and was on the hunt for a new sugar daddy because it was 3 months now and it didn’t seem plausible that anyone would bother returning a text after that long.
But here comes that familiar storyline again! I receive a bunch of texts mid afternoon from David saying how I’ve been on his mind a lot and him apologizing for how “sh***y” he’s been with replying.
I had two choices here, ignore him and move on or give him another chance and risk this happening again. Just from being 24 years old and learning from so much of my mistakes already, I’m not one to keep giving chances to people who won’t change. I’m not dumb in that way.
But something in me knew David wasn’t a bad person and he was trying so hard to make this arrangement work with his schedule but didn’t know how. So I gave him one last chance.
Can You Reform a Poof Daddy?
We arranged to see each other the weekend he was back in town and when we saw each other we hugged each other like nothing changed. We were both as excited to see each other but I had to get the big pink elephant out of the room because I know it was on both of our minds.
So we both sat down and I confronted him on his schedule and why he didn’t reply for months on end. He said his business really took off and there was so much to do everyday that he was putting in 18 hour work shifts and started to get really stressed.
When he had time off he wanted to see his family because they were getting mad at David for not making time for them. This was also his first sugar arrangement as well so he wasn’t sure on how to approach things and the idea of it all scared him. And that’s all I wanted to hear, the truth. He didn’t know how to tell me all of that and thought I would disappear on him if he ever told me but him telling me all that made our arrangement stronger.
We finally identified the problem and said “Okay, so how do we work on it?”. Since then we’ve had amazing communication when it comes to texting and he’s not afraid to tell me now “Work is really busy, I can’t talk for a few days because I need to focus on x, y and z but I’ll text you right when it’s over and let’s go for dinner on the weekend!”
He knows that I understand his schedule and our communication is wide open.
Tips on How to Deal with a Poof Daddy
My poof daddy actually came through and transformed himself into a bona fide sugar daddy…but unfortunately, that’s not always the case with poof daddies.
Here’s the unpleasant truth: sugar daddy ghosting is just one of the ugly realities of the sugar world. Every sugar baby experiences it at some point. And there could be a million reasons why a potential sugar daddy suddenly decided to ghost you.
Maybe he met a sugar baby he likes more. Perhaps his wife found out. It could’ve been something you said or did. Maybe he died.
The point is: you don’t know. And you know what? It doesn’t matter.
What actually matters when it comes to a sugar daddy ghosting you is whether to keep trying or to cut your losses.
So instead of driving yourself crazy wondering what went wrong, here’s what you need to do instead.
The last thing you want to do is blow up on a potential sugar daddy. Remember that in a sugar relationship, you don’t have the same demands on your sugar daddy as you would on a boyfriend or a husband.
Also, many of these men are genuinely busy trying to juggle a billion projects and obligations so it won’t bode well for a new relationship if you bring on the drama too quickly, too intensely. So cool it.
…But Keep Searching
The easiest way to keep your cool? Keep your options wide open. In fact, we always suggest this because there’s not just one POT out there. There are a lot of potential sugar daddies to meet, flirt with, connect with and potentially end up in arrangements with.
So always be reaching out to new potentials. That way, if a poof daddy decides to do his vanishing act, it’ll be easier to wish him well when you’re slurping oysters with a new, promising POT.
Is He Worth It?
The most important determination is what sort of relationship you have with the poof daddy. Basically: Is he a sugar daddy or just a potential?
Did you go on fantastic and fun dates and have genuine chemistry? Has he given you an allowance or PPM? If he has and then starts ghosting you, it’s reasonable to keep your doors open.
But if the poof daddy in question is just a potential who you’ve never met, gone on one sugar date with, or had a relationship with – if he starts to ghost, it’s time to just cut your losses and completely close the door on that one.
Reciprocate the Effort
One of the smartest ways to deal with poof daddies and sugar daddies in general is to mirror their energy. If a sugar daddy if highly interested, pursuing you, and taking care of you – be the best sugar baby you can be.
If a sugar daddy pops up once in a blue moon to wine and dine you and spoil you a little, match his energy by being perfect company when you see him.
But if a sugar daddy is ghosting you, not replying to your texts, and not making new plans to see you? Just stop there. There’s no point in putting too much effort and looking too desperate if he wants to end the arrangement.
If and when he decides to come around, you can get to the bottom of it.
Have an Adult Conversation
Understanding and communication are the biggest keys in sugar arrangements. Staying silent and passive will not benefit anything and getting angry at the other person definitely will not get you anywhere.
If you’re dealing with a poof daddy or a daddy who’s “ghosting” you, the best way to get to the bottom of it is to sit them down in person. Calmly ask what is going on.
Go in with a very understanding open mind that as confused as you are, they have their side of the story. You honestly won’t know until you ask him to be honest and upfront with you.
If the answer is something you can work around, then great! If not then maybe it’s time to part ways, there’s no point of trying to move an arrangement forward when both parties aren’t working towards that common goal.
Know Your Limits
The question with poof daddies really comes down to one thing: is it worth the frustration? This, obviously, depends on you and your preferences but if we could weigh in on how to make the decision, it’d be these tips:
- Three strike policy. I had a 3-strikes-and-you’re-out policy, which is a good way to give potential sugar daddies a chance while still maintaining your standards.
- What are you getting from it? If he’s still sending your allowance on time while he disappears, that’s fairly acceptable but if his disappearing acts threaten your sense of security – when will I see him again? is this arrangement still on?!” – it may be time to give him the slip yourself.
Happy sugar dating to you babies and I would love to hear in the comments below if you’ve had a similar situation. Let us know how you dealt with these frustratingly elusive creatures.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Noelle, aka The Different One. You can check out her sugar baby story here!
Updated May 18, 2023