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How to Tell a Sugar Daddy What You Want: 11 Must Know Tips

One of the hardest things for new sugar babies is learning how to tell a sugar daddy what you want. And yet, it’s an absolutely crucial skill.

Because one of the biggest perks of being a sugar baby is the fact that is comes with benefits – namely, monetary benefits. But in order to get what you’re after, you’re going to have to ask for it. And this is the part new sugar babies have the most difficulty with.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of – most of us aren’t used to being direct about what we want.

Maybe it’s our super-polite, overly politically-correct culture. Perhaps it’s our good manners. Or maybe it’s the way we were socialized to be modest, humble, inoffensive people.

Whatever it is, most of us have a tendency to politely wait – hoping we’ll be offered what we want.

When directly asked, many of us have a tendency to approach the matter in roundabout ways….”Well, if it’s not too much trouble, could I possibly, maybe, if it’s okay with you, have insert-a-lower-than-what-you-really-want-number.”

If this is you, you’re not doing yourself any favors in the sugar game. After all, how is anyone supposed to give you what you want if they don’t know what it is?

You need to know how to tell a sugar daddy what you want. And you need to have the skills to do it in the smartest, most persuasive way possible.

As always, practice – and a few tips – makes perfect. Here are our most important tips on how to tell a sugar daddy what you want gracefully and effortlessly – and get it.

#1. Know What a Sugar Baby Allowance Is and Isn’t

First and foremost, get this one thing straight: a sugar baby allowance isn’t about your worth. And it’s crucial to understand this before we delve into how to ask a sugar daddy for money.

So many sugar babies fall into the trap of trying to determine how much allowance they’re worth. They assess their looks, compare it with the competition, and start nit-picking their every quality for its monetary equivalent.

We say: Don’t even go there.

This allowance thing is NOT about how much you are worth. YOU are priceless. There is no way to set a monetary value on yourself and your qualities so don’t even try.

The allowance thing IS about asking for what you need and want, in proportion to the time and attention you can give to your sugar daddy. Most likely, a monthly allowance will depend on several factors, such as how much you need to live comfortably, what extra material comforts you’d like, how much you’d like to save, how much time you plan on spending with your sugar daddy, other expenses that will come up in your sugar relationship, etc.

Spend your time figuring out the monetary range of what your needs and wants amount to rather than trying to assess how much you’re worth.

#2. Know Your Number Range

Knowing how to ask a sugar daddy for money begins with knowing what you want.

There is no right or wrong amount of allowance as every sugar relationship depends on the needs and wants of the two individuals involved. So the allowance will vary depending on each sugar relationship. That being said, we have a pretty good sugar baby allowance calculator you can use to get an idea of a reasonable range.

Read: The Ultimate Sugar Baby Allowance Guide 2023

A good place to start is to calculate your normal living costs like rent, bills, food, and tuition and then double it. Or go over all your monthly expenses and then add to it what you’ll need for extra luxuries and pleasures. Therein lies your range.

For example, say that your bare bones living expenses in Atlanta are $2,100 per month. Double that is $4,200. So your range for a sugar baby allowance is $2,100 is $4,200. And, of course, you’d happily accept anything above that.

Determine this number range independent of any potential sugar daddy. And remember – be honest with yourself as to how much it would take to make yourself feel happy and fulfilled as a sugar baby.

#3. Get Comfortable Asking for What You Want

The most important step to getting what you want is asking for it. We all know this, but hey, it can be so uncomfortable to ask for money.

You have a set allowance range. Now the key is to get comfortable with it.

If the thought of asking for what you want makes you a little queasy, take the time to make yourself comfortable with it before you begin talking allowance with potential sugar daddies.

You see, the reason why discussing allowance is such an uncomfortable topic is that most people haven’t had much practice in asking for money. And at first, asking a potential sugar daddy for several thousands of dollars per month is going to feel kind of awkward.

Try it right now – speak your amount out loud to yourself. Do you feel a tinge of discomfort? Any inner resistance cropping up? Any little voices in your head that say, “That’s too much.

If you do – you’re going to need this exercise where you can practice asking without any repercussions. Practice makes perfect, so rinse and repeat ’til you can state what you want without so much as an eyelid bat.

#4. Wait Until After the First Date

This is such a simple, yet effective, means of negotiating allowance: Don’t discuss it on your first date with a potential sugar daddy. Concentrate all your first date efforts solely on impressing him wildly.

A genuine, interested sugar daddy will bring up the allowance on his own. If he mentions it during the date, take it as a sign that he’s definitely interested, smile and tell him that you’d like the first date to be focused on simply getting to know each other.

Suggest that if he’s interested in an arrangement with you, he could call you to talk about the allowance after the date.

This simple move immediately does a few things for you:

  • Sends the potential sugar daddy the message that you’re more interested in a suitable arrangement than money. And that little message also sends another message: that he cannot control you or gain your interest with his money alone. This makes it easier for you to discuss the terms of the relationship, set boundaries, and negotiate your allowance.
  • Makes it clear that you are nowhere near desperate and while you are interested in him, not overly so. This lack of overt interest gives you more control of the sugar relationship from the get-go.

Plus, utilizing this tip lets you take advantage of the next allowance tip…

#5. Take Advantage of the Phone

Unless you’re really, really comfortable asking for what you want – you might prefer the distance of the telephone over a face-to-face discussion.

As they say, 93% of communication is non-verbal. If you’re not completely confident in what you’re asking for, the potential sugar daddy might be able to glean that through your expression, your hand gestures, your body language.

On the phone, however, all you need to control is your voice. Inject it with confidence and prepare to discuss allowance.

#6. Forget Ladies First

You might be more accustomed to asking for money now, but if you still feel nervous when discussing allowance with a potential sugar daddy, ask him for his range first.

The easiest way to do this is to ask if he’s had previous arrangements. Ask how the relationships were and then casually ask what their allowance(s) had been. That’ll give you an idea of his range without directly asking.

If he hasn’t had previous arrangements and he asks you for your number first, say something like, “It depends. Let’s determine the arrangement details first.”

People tend to be more inclined to answer an uncomfortable question after being asked a range of more comfortable questions first, so start out by asking him, “How often do you want to meet?” and other details of the arrangement.

After a series of these questions, slip in a question of what allowance range he would be comfortable with considering the details.

#7. Do Your Research and Know His Range

Sugar daddies hail from various professions and income brackets. Before discussing allowance with your sugar daddy, do your part by researching what his range might be.

  • What’s the average income for someone in his profession in the city you’re living in?
  • Is he an employee or does he own his own company?
  • Does he have a family to support or is he single?
  • Does he own his home or does he rent?

You can often find all this out by actively listening to the things he says as well as putting Google to good use.

Based on what you estimate to be his earning potential, you will know the reasonable range he can afford. Plus, you can weed out the men who are promising certain allowance amounts but clearly cannot afford it.

According to Seeking, the average sugar daddy in 2018 earned a little over $250,000 and the average sugar baby allowance in 2013 was a little over $33,000.  That comes to sugar daddies paying a little under 15% of their income toward their sugar babies (hey, we’re actually cheaper than US taxes). That’s a reasonable estimate of what your sugar daddy should be able to provide you and what you can expect from a sugar daddy.

Calculating his reasonable range in advance will help you negotiate.

#8. Confidence Matters

Here’s something that many sugar babies forget about wealthy, genuine sugar daddies: They don’t usually bargain hunt.

So when discussing allowance, go in with the expectation that he will give you what you ask for. This way, when he asks you for your ideal allowance, you can respond simply and matter-of-factly that you’re “thinking $x,xxx.” Keep a smile on your face and say what you want as naturally as you would tell him what you plan on ordering for dinner.

Be honest with what you want and don’t be afraid to ask for it.

That being said, you need to be realistic about average sugar baby allowances. They have a wide range but typically are between $1,000 to $10,000 with factors like location, frequency, intimacy, and a whole load of other factors playing into it.

In general, it’s not a good idea to ask the average sugar daddy for an extravagant allowance. But that doesn’t mean you should be shy about asking for what you want. Remember that YOU set your allowance range. And keep in mind that most sugar daddies are shrewd businessmen – they will pay you less, if they think they can get away with it.

Editor’s Note: One of my sugar daddies actually commented a month or two into our arrangement how he’s never agreed to a set allowance with any of his previous sugar babies. And when he’d asked me what I wanted, he was sort of testing me. When I looked him point blank in the eye and stated, “$x,xxx.” He found himself agreeing simply because he liked my moxy.

So figure out how much you want (within a reasonable range) and don’t be shy about it.

#9. It’s an Allowance, Not a Handout

This is a key point that all sugar babies must remember at all times: Asking for a sugar baby allowance is NOT asking for a handout.

You’re negotiating an allowance for a number of services being rendered to your sugar daddy.

And sugar daddies may be a lot of things, but they are not financially stupid. Your potential sugar daddy is not giving you an allowance out of the kindness of his heart. He is getting something valuable out of it. He knows it. You should too.

  • You listen to him talk about work.
  • He gets the pleasure of making you laugh.
  • You remind him of his youth.
  • He gets all the girlfriend benefits without any of the obligations.
  • You are there for him physically, emotionally, mentally.
  • He receives the benefits of an attractive, intelligent, interesting woman paying him undivided attention.

He’s not doing you a favor by giving you allowance – he’s reciprocating for how you make him feel. This is no small service – people spend the majority of their money to be made to feel a certain way. It’s a considerable service so don’t ever spend any of your energy feeling bad about asking for what you want.

A mutually beneficial arrangement is just that – it goes both ways.

#10. Prepare to Say “Next”

Some sugar babies may disagree with us on this one, but we have this rule: If a potential sugar daddy does not agree to the allowance asked for (which is reasonable and within what we know is possible with his income range) – politely end the conversation and cross him off the potentials list.


In our experience, men who understand your value as a sugar baby are willing to pay for it. They know you’re worth it. They want what you have to offer. And like companies who want to recruit the best talent, these sugar daddies are prepared to give you what you’re asking for.

These men make better investments in the long run because they already know you’re worthwhile.

We don’t recommend ever begging or trying to convince any sugar daddy to give you what you want. If he doesn’t already see you as a worthwhile investment, he’s not going to be a great sugar daddy anyway.

And by settling for less than what you want – you’re not going to be happy enough to keep him happy. It’s a two-way street. Your needs must be met. The good sugar daddies know this. They show it by giving you what you want.

Bonus Tip: 11. There are Exceptions

At the same time, sometimes you’ll run into a potential sugar daddy who you have a great dynamic with…but he does not make enough to give you the ideal allowance.

In those cases, we’d say: go with the sugar daddy you like even if his allowance is a little bit lower than ideal. An enjoyable arrangement comes from more than just allowance.

Remember that all the tips in the world won’t do much good if you don’t put them to use. So get out there and get used to asking for – and getting – what you want. If you’re ready to put these allowance tips to good use, get yourself on the best sugar daddy websites and start mingling now.

14 thoughts on “How to Tell a Sugar Daddy What You Want: 11 Must Know Tips”

  1. I can tell you have taken your own advice and used your extra time and investments into writing a How To on Suger Dating. May I say you are very talented as a writer and I would encourage you to write more books. You are a natural.
    In fact, you have inspired me. I too am a writer, although I have no book to call my own, YET.
    I have been looking for a topic to write on and I believe I have find it. My plan is to chronicle my journey in the Suger World. And then write a How To of sorts, like you. My mind is still formulating a game plan, but I just want to say thank you for being an inspiration.

    • Mya, I agree with you and I am in the same boat. I’ve always wanted to write and this whole experience is so wild that it’s perfect fodder for an article/book.

      Hope to read your book one day 🙂

    • Hi Jackie, well…are you dating? It really depends on what you want. Do you want to be dating him or would you like to keep him from thinking you are not too serious?

  2. Thank you so much for your great advice, this really helped me a lot! I will meet him soon and will definitely keep you posted.

  3. “Hashing out the details” is a very important part and no one talks about it. I have an offer to pay my bills from a very wealthy guy. I have a number in mind but actually translating it to him in words is where I find an issue. I am so not used to asking for anything this is foreign. What exactly do I say?

    • Hi! I agree that people online tend to gloss over what they mean by “hash out the details”. I am relatively new to sugar dating but have years of experience as a stripper. What I did with my last POT was say “I would much prefer to go on a date with you than to go into work/ the club. As you know, I have to meet my financial goals though. If you want to take care of me, I could play hooky and hang out with you… I typically make between $xxx and $xxxx on an average night (give him a range you can work with). So how is $xxx (an average of the range I gave him)?
      This does a couple of things: a- By making my top range HIGH, I show that my time is valuable to keep that as an option to up-charge for future occasions.
      b- I give him some wiggle-room and make sure he feels like I want to find something that works for both of us.
      This is just one example of “working out the details” that worked for me and was comfortable as I got started. I never set my low range below what I would be happy walking away with; I have also never had someone pick the lowest range I give them. Also just want to add that I ALWAYS specify what that is going to get them and what it doesn’t.
      Hope that helps!

  4. I have been a SD for 5 years, and I had 4 successful SB situations. What you describe overall on your site for SB are very rich men seeking to give large amount of money to a girl. Most men are not that rich. In addition giving thousands to a girl is equivalent of hiring her, or having her on a retainer. It cannot nurture a relationship, it is more of an escort arrangement.

    My SB liked me for me, what they get was independent from duration and frequency of our encounters. I never gave to anyone more than I was making myself. Some of the girls actually refused money because it make them feel low. they preferred a tank of gas, share groceries, or pay their phone bill. This is more realistic and fit many more peole than expecting $3000 per month.

  5. I guess I still cant get it right Ive been scammed and it doesnt seem to be working finding a sugar daddy who is legit and real what do I do ?


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