One of the hardest things for new sugar babies is learning how to tell a sugar daddy what you want. And yet, it’s an absolutely crucial skill.
Because one of the biggest perks of being a sugar baby is the fact that is comes with benefits – namely, monetary benefits.
But in order to get what you’re after, you’re going to have to ask for it. And this is the part new sugar babies have the most difficulty with.
Luckily, we’re here to guide you through it. Here’s what you’ll learn:
- Tips on how to tell a sugar daddy what you want – and get it
- Our tried-and-tested method on how to ask a sugar daddy for money
- How to get a sugar daddy to give you money online
- How to talk money with a sugar daddy you met offline
Let’s dive in.
Tips on How to Tell a Sugar Daddy What You Want
Let’s face it – most of us aren’t used to being direct about what we want.
Maybe it’s our super-polite, overly politically-correct culture. Perhaps it’s our good manners. Or maybe it’s the way we were socialized to be modest, humble, inoffensive people.
Whatever it is, most of us have a tendency to politely wait – hoping we’ll be offered what we want.
When directly asked, many of us have a tendency to approach the matter in roundabout ways….”Well, if it’s not too much trouble, could I possibly, maybe, if it’s okay with you, have insert-a-lower-than-what-you-really-want-number.”
If this is you, you’re not doing yourself any favors in the sugar game. After all, how is anyone supposed to give you what you want if they don’t know what it is?
You need to know how to tell a sugar daddy what you want. And you need to have the skills to do it in the smartest, most persuasive way possible.
Here are our most important tips on how to tell a sugar daddy what you want – and get it.
Build rapport first
Who are you more likely to give $5 to? A random man who approaches you on the street or a friendly neighbor you chat with whenever you run into them?
Most likely the neighbor.
Even if you’re not close with them, you’re more familiar. You know about their lives. And you feel like you know them and they know you.
This feeling is important. And it’s crucial to develop it before you blurt out what you want. So instead of asking a potential sugar daddy for what you want right away, take the time to build rapport first.
The best way to do this is to engage in a bit of feel-good small talk. Not just mindless prattle about the weather. But ask about their interests, passions, and try to best to relate and connect with the potential sugar daddy.
That bit of conversation serves an important function – it’s the social lubricant that will grease the wheels to a productive conversation.
Impress Him on the First Date
Some sugar babies prefer to get the sugar details established and out of the way before the first date. But there is a big argument to be made for waiting until after the first date.
You see, if you have an amazing first date before you have “the allowance talk,” you have a big advantage going for you.
Which is simply: He’ll want to see you again.
If you do the first date right, he’ll desperately want to see you again. He’ll be eager for an arrangement. And that sets the ground for you to tell him what you want – and get it.
Set the Mood
Before you have the arrangement talk with a potential sugar daddy, make sure you’re perfectly calm, playful and confident. A fun tip we have is to calm your nerves and set the mood for yourself by listening to some sugar baby songs.
Read: Sugar Baby Songs to Rock Out to While Finding the Perfect Sugar Daddy
This may not seem particularly important but it’s so crucial that you’re channeling the right energy. You need to portray fun, carefree, good times, without making it serious and business like – all while talking business.
Weed Out the Fake Sugar Daddies
Two major red flags that we recommend looking out for are:
- You Want Money?! Potential sugar daddies who try to negotiate whether you need a PPM or allowance at all are not worth the time or effort. Remember that what’s up for negotiation is the nitty gritty of how much and how often. NOT whether you’ll be receiving sugar. If a potential sugar daddy tries to suggest you’re greedy, entitled, selfish, or thirsty for asking for financial benefits – cut him loose.
- What Do I Get Out of It?! Beware of potential sugar daddies who talk as if it’s a business deal and they want to bargain with you over nickels and dimes. These aren’t the men that you want to be seeing anyway and there is no point having the talk with them. They’ll only see you as property they’re paying for as opposed to seeing your allowance as an investment into a developing relationship.
Remember that a sugar relationship is still a relationship at the end of the day. Although there is obviously a financial aspect to it, you’re not a piece of property and the relationship needs to benefit both of you equally. A man who treats it like a business deal is probably more of a ‘John’ than a sugar daddy.
But say you find a potential sugar daddy who seems to be the real deal. How do you go about negotiating the best allowance for yourself?
There’s just 5 simple steps to negotiating your best allowance…
How to Ask a Sugar Daddy for Money in 5 Steps
We get it. It can be really scary to ask someone for money. But keep in mind that it’s not like you’re meeting someone on Tinder for a first date and then blurting out, “I want $x,xxx every month.” That would be awkward.
But when you’re meeting a potential sugar daddy that you met on a sugar daddy website – you know and he knows what the deal is. There is little point in beating around the bush.
Plus, there are always those few fake sugar daddies on every sugar website who are there to see how much they can get without having to give. Setting financial expectations early on lets you know for certain whether the potential sugar daddy you’re talking to is for real or if he’s just a Salt daddy.
Either way, knowing how to ask a sugar daddy for money is an essential skill for a sugar baby to have. And it’s actually a simple process to learn.
Here is our tried-and-tested way lesson plan on how to ask a sugar daddy for money.
#1. Be Realistic
One of the smartest tips on how to ask a sugar daddy for money – and get it – is to make sure that what you’re asking for is possible in the first place.
To do this, a little research is necessary. But you probably don’t want to ask him straight out so it’s best to do a little reconnaissance of your own before you even bother having the “talk.”
Here’s how to do a little due diligence on how much a potential sugar daddy can offer…
Start with the location
If you’re living around the wealthiest, biggest cities – near NYC, SF, Houston, Chicago, London – it’s more realistic for you to ask for more money. There is a higher chance of the sugar daddies in your area being wealthier than average. Plus, they’ll understand that your living expenses are higher too.
On the other hand, if you’re in a small town, there may not be as many sugar daddies who can afford big city allowance amounts. So be realistic about what your location offers.
Do a little digging
If you’ve chatted or met the potential sugar daddy in question, you probably have his email address and phone number. Maybe a real name. Perhaps a business card.
Try to search for him and his background online and see what you can find out. You’d be amazed at how much you can find out with a name, a phone number and where he works.
Look into details like his position at his company and search around online to see what the average position for that salary is.
If he’s a business owner, in the investor class, or has inherited wealth, finding out details about how much cash flow he has in a month or year will be more challenging. In these cases, it’s important that you focus on the conversation you have. Actively listen to what he says about what he does and his overall lifestyle.
Determine his range
Once you get a good idea of his salary, do a quick calculation of the taxes he’d pay so you can get a better idea of what he’s bringing in every month. On top of that, factor in some of the usual expenses people have, i.e. a mortgage, car payments, etc.
Also, consider if he has kids. This is useful to know from the get go since if a potential sugar daddy has a family and is the sole breadwinner, he may not have much money left over for a sugar baby (kids are expensive!).
Here are some examples:
Five figure salary. It’s fair to assume that if he’s on a five figure salary (let’s say, like $80,000/year), he’s really not going to have a lot to share with you to begin with.
He might just be looking to pay for a plane ticket or two to have you with him on business trips since his company will pay for things like transportation and hotels, making this entire endeavor a low cost pleasure for him.
In which case, you’ll most likely want to dismiss him or keep him around as a Splenda Daddy. Your choice.
Low six figure salary. If he’s making a low six figures (let’s say, like $120,000/year), he might have a little left over to provide a modest allowance for you.
High six figure salary. Now, if he’s in a better position, say $180,000 and up, he could be in a position to provide a higher allowance.
Now that you have a pretty good idea of how much the potential sugar daddy might be able to afford, you just have to know how to have the “talk” – but don’t do it before you know what you are negotiating for…
#2. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU ASK FOR IT
It’s definitely always best to know exactly what you want before you even start.
- Are you in it to get all your living expenses taken care of?
- Do you simply want some couture pieces to add to your wardrobe?
- Are you interested in avenues of investing and want mentoring?
- Are you looking for connections to help you further your career?
- Do you want to travel and see more places?
- Are you good on living expenses but want luxury experiences?
It helps to write down a list of all the things you want from sugaring – seriously, ALL of them. And then ask yourself: If I could only choose three of these, what would they be?
For example, let’s say you want your living expenses covered and that’s numero uno. In this case, start by calculating your monthly expenses.
Here’s how one sugar baby, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe, did it:
When I lived in New York, my rent and bills came to approximately $3,000 per month so that’s what I wanted. Whenever I was speaking to a new man, I would tell him this right off the bat and most men who wanted to move forward were happy to cover this.
I was also working at the time but it freed up my wages on dinners or trips with my friends. While obviously not every man was willing to cover those costs for me straight away, it was always better to go in with a figure in mind (even a rough one).
When I first started out, it was a little different. I had just turned twenty and was still living at home with my parents in Southern Cali. I had no rent and minimal bills to pay. It was for this reason that I tended to prefer a lower allowance of approximately $1,000 per month, accompanied by gifts.
One sugar daddy I was seeing at the time was a head buyer for a major department store in New York and would visit California twice a month for business. We met every time he did and he’d bring me a gift all the way from NYC. Gucci quickly became a favorite brand of mine!
Another man I was seeing was quite serious about education and on our third date, he bought me a MacBook for college! Instead of giving me an allowance, he also preferred me to put money towards my student loans (which I was glad to do).
It all depends on your needs and wants at the time so know this before you start asking a sugar daddy for what you want.
FAQ: Should I Ask the Sugar Daddy How Much He Can Provide?
Instead of asking for what you want, should you ask the sugar daddy how much he’s willing to give you? No, not a good idea.
If a man hears you ask him the most he is willing to give you as an allowance, he will automatically start with a low figure as he knows you don’t have a number in mind. They didn’t get as successful as they are by making bad business decisions so be smart!
#3. KNOW WHAT YOU’RE ABLE TO OFFER
It’s great to know what you want but you also have to be realistic. The potential sugar daddies you speak to will have expectations as well. If you’re asking for a huge allowance but only willing to meet once a month, is that fair?
It’s just as important for you to ask the potential sugar daddy what his expectations are.
- Does he want to meet just once a month or will he want to meet you twice a week?
- Will you have to fly to meet him?
- Does he expect you to be on call whenever he wants to see you?
The truth is that sugar relationships vary widely, depending on the needs of both parties. What a sugar daddy is willing to offer naturally depends on what you’re able to offer him.
For example, if you’re looking for a platonic online sugar daddy to video call with twice a month, it’s not reasonable to expect the same allowance as a sugar baby who’s willing to be in a monogamous and intimate sugar relationship with a sugar daddy she sees several times a week.
So try to get a baseline idea on what you’re both looking for. If you’re so far away on expectations that you can’t even see each other, he’s not not the sugar daddy for you! Most men will appreciate you being direct and honest and it really does get easier the more experienced you are.
#4. Practice Makes Perfect
Before you can start receiving what you want from your sugar daddy, you need to practice asking for it. This is especially true if the thought of asking a sugar daddy for money makes you feel squeamish. Or you can’t approach the topic without clamming up.
You need to practice.
We highly recommend this exercise. It’s easy to do, completely free, and it’ll give you a chance to practice both asking for what you want and your phone manner. Plus, you’ll probably get a few laughs out of it, too.
Here’s how it goes…
STEP 1. SIGN UP FOR A SUGAR DADDY SITE
Our favorite sugar daddy website for this exercise is Sugar Daddy for Me since they have an active chat function which allows you to communicate instantaneously and a lot of sugar daddies who use this method. Plus, the site is completely free for sugar babies.
STEP 2. GET A GOOGLE VOICE ACCOUNT
A Google Voice account is free and an absolute must-have for sugar babies. We love this thing since it provides you with a free phone number that you can connect with your real phone to receive phone calls from potential sugar daddies without ever giving any of them your real phone number.
It also has a few useful functions like having the caller state their name (so you can keep track of who you’re talking to:)) when calling and a phone log where you can view all your voicemails, texts, and the whole call log.
Absolutely brilliant. And free.
STEP 3. SCOUR FOR THE WORST
This is very different from what you’d do when you’re actually looking for a sugar daddy. Instead of searching on the sugar daddy website for profiles that appeal to you, you want to seek out the profiles of men you’d never, ever consider for your sugar daddy.
Pick out a handful of these no-go-sugar-daddies and message the ones who are online. Chat with one for a little while and then ask him to call you on your Google voice number.
STEP 4. PRACTICE ASKING
During the first few minutes of talking to this man who you wouldn’t consider for your sugar daddy, practice bringing up the topic of allowance casually, but firmly, and then practice asking for the amount you want.
At first this may be a bit unnerving but practice makes perfect. Remember to rinse and repeat ’til you’re comfortable asking for exactly what you want and you’re able to do it in a graceful, natural style of your own.
Once you’re a natural, you’re ready to start talking to the potential sugar daddies you actually want.
#5. Ask the Sugar Daddy for Money
Once you know the range that a potential sugar daddy can provide and you know what you want and are able to offer, it’s time to have “the talk.”
Here are a couple tips on going about it:
Be confident. Remember that you guys met on a sugar daddy website. Talking about the financial compensation is part of the deal. He knows that. You know that. So don’t hesitate. When the topic comes up, be ready to say your piece confidently.
No entitlement. The last thing you want to say when you ask a sugar daddy for money is anything that comes off rude, demanding or entitled – i.e. “I know what I’m worth – it’s $xxx per date or don’t waste my time.” “I want $xxxx and I won’t settle for anything less.”
Let him be your hero. A lot of sugar daddies like the feeling of investing into their sugar babies and helping them be better, more successful people. So mention your personal goals and dreams. Be excited about it, let him see how much his financial contributions will help. Whether it’s a laptop for school or an allowance to see you through a career change, let him know.
Ease into it. Start off the conversation as any other and gently guide it toward what he wants out of this. An easy way to start out is by asking how their previous arrangements worked and in turn, telling them how my past arrangements worked. This gives both of you ballpark expectations and is always an easy way to start the conversation.
Make sure to emphasize the aspects that will most appeal to him, i.e. pleasure and fun. You can begin by saying something like, “I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about how you’d love to_____, it got me thinking…what else would you like?“
The point is to let him talk about the expectations he has for this arrangement. That will help him convince himself of the benefits he’ll be getting. It also establishes that when you talk about what you want, it’s clear that you’re not asking for favors or handouts.
Because he’ll have a clear picture of what’s in it for him. And then, ask him confidently for what you want.
How to Ask a Sugar Daddy You Met Offline for Money
There’s a reason why sugar daddy websites exist – they are absolutely the best places to meet potential sugar daddies. Unlike the general population, the men who join sugar daddy sites know what a sugar relationship is and are actively seeking it. Which means you don’t have the extra hurdle of convincing a potential sugar daddy to give you sugar.
But occasionally, you might meet a potential sugar daddy offline. So how do you go about asking him for money? It’s a question we receive often, so we decided to post one here.
A Sugar Baby Asks…
“I have a question. Approximately 2 weeks ago I met a businessmen at an exhibition. He has plans on taking me with him on business trips abroad etc. We have talked about our relationship being solely for pleasure and fun as he has a family back home.
However, we never talked about money or the status of our relationship. Now, I do not want him to assume that I will go on trips and spend weekends with him without getting anything in return. As we have not met on an actual site I am not sure how to make this clear. Could you please help me with this??? I hope to hear from you ASAP.”
Hello, thanks for writing in, it’s a really good question. Honestly, it can be a little trickier with potential sugar daddies that you meet in real life although that’s not always the case. That’s why we recommend going through the best sugar daddy websites since the expectations are clear from the get go.
But as any sugar babe will attest to, some potential sugar daddies can be a little…dense when it comes to ironing out the monetary details, whether you met them on a specific sugar dating site or not.
So the first thing you need to do is figure out if that’s the case for this particular sugar daddy before you waste your time.
For this particular potential sugar daddy, this is a man who actually has very little to offer you in terms of a real relationship. The gentlemanly thing to do would be to compensate you for your time and energy.
To see if he’s willing to do so, you just need to have one conversation. Be agreeable, express that you’d like to accompany him too and that you’re just as excited…and then then see if he’s sugar daddy material by taking a soft approach.
The soft, easy approach is to show your excitement and willingness and then say that it probably won’t be easy for you. After all, you have a full-time job (if you already said you didn’t, say that you got one or just interviewed for one that you think you’ll get) and a weekend gig as well.
As much as you’d love to go away with him, it would mean sacrificing these financial opportunities. At this point, if he’s sugar daddy material, he’ll offer to compensate you. Smart men understand opportunity cost. And from that point on, you can just hash out the details, keeping in mind your sugar goals.
If this soft approach doesn’t get an offer from him, the chances of him being sugar daddy material are slim. Our advice is to let it go at this point and move on. After all, there are a lot of fish in the sea.
13 thoughts on “How to Tell a Sugar Daddy What You Want in 5 Steps”
I can tell you have taken your own advice and used your extra time and investments into writing a How To on Suger Dating. May I say you are very talented as a writer and I would encourage you to write more books. You are a natural.
In fact, you have inspired me. I too am a writer, although I have no book to call my own, YET.
I have been looking for a topic to write on and I believe I have find it. My plan is to chronicle my journey in the Suger World. And then write a How To of sorts, like you. My mind is still formulating a game plan, but I just want to say thank you for being an inspiration.
Mya, I agree with you and I am in the same boat. I’ve always wanted to write and this whole experience is so wild that it’s perfect fodder for an article/book.
Hope to read your book one day 🙂
And this article is BRILLIANT!
How to answer a sugar if he ask you if you are dating
Hi Jackie, well…are you dating? It really depends on what you want. Do you want to be dating him or would you like to keep him from thinking you are not too serious?
Thank you so much for your great advice, this really helped me a lot! I will meet him soon and will definitely keep you posted.
“Hashing out the details” is a very important part and no one talks about it. I have an offer to pay my bills from a very wealthy guy. I have a number in mind but actually translating it to him in words is where I find an issue. I am so not used to asking for anything this is foreign. What exactly do I say?
Hi! I agree that people online tend to gloss over what they mean by “hash out the details”. I am relatively new to sugar dating but have years of experience as a stripper. What I did with my last POT was say “I would much prefer to go on a date with you than to go into work/ the club. As you know, I have to meet my financial goals though. If you want to take care of me, I could play hooky and hang out with you… I typically make between $xxx and $xxxx on an average night (give him a range you can work with). So how is $xxx (an average of the range I gave him)?
This does a couple of things: a- By making my top range HIGH, I show that my time is valuable to keep that as an option to up-charge for future occasions.
b- I give him some wiggle-room and make sure he feels like I want to find something that works for both of us.
This is just one example of “working out the details” that worked for me and was comfortable as I got started. I never set my low range below what I would be happy walking away with; I have also never had someone pick the lowest range I give them. Also just want to add that I ALWAYS specify what that is going to get them and what it doesn’t.
Hope that helps!
How much should I charge for 3-4 hour dates not rushed and some adult fun?
I have been a SD for 5 years, and I had 4 successful SB situations. What you describe overall on your site for SB are very rich men seeking to give large amount of money to a girl. Most men are not that rich. In addition giving thousands to a girl is equivalent of hiring her, or having her on a retainer. It cannot nurture a relationship, it is more of an escort arrangement.
My SB liked me for me, what they get was independent from duration and frequency of our encounters. I never gave to anyone more than I was making myself. Some of the girls actually refused money because it make them feel low. they preferred a tank of gas, share groceries, or pay their phone bill. This is more realistic and fit many more peole than expecting $3000 per month.
how do you know how much to ask for? whats my “with”?
Hello am new here I need sugar daddy to take care of me
Hey come over excited to meet I want to be your all