The gay sugar baby so often gets overlooked in the sugar world. Even amidst all the hullabaloo that’s been going on over the rise of sugar baby/sugar daddy relationships over the past decade. Bloggers, journalists, and the average citizen have all weighed in on the topic.
Some think it’s just prostitution under a different name, some think it’s no different from marriage – the opinions have ranged from the extreme condemnation to the simply judgmental.
And as the media has been busy beating this sugar dating horse, another form of sugar dating – the gay sugar lifestyle – has gone largely unnoticed.
But it’s flourishing.
It’s estimated that the average gay sugar baby is 23 years old and and earns approximately $4,066.58 in monthly allowance – not including gifts and travel. The average gay sugar daddy is 39 years old, with a net worth of over $6 million and an annual income of approximately $215,482.39.
All these stats are similar to that of straight sugar relationships. But stats don’t paint the whole picture. There are some unique aspects to being a gay sugar baby. Here are the main things you need to know.
You’ve Got an Advantage…
Heterosexual sugar daddies and sugar babies have been repeatedly demonized or victimized by the media, yet the gay sugar community has not only managed to escape the media backlash unscathed, but actually grow and flourish.
This may have to do with the fact that most of us in the gay community have fewer social taboos limiting our relationships than our heterosexual counterparts.
We’re already dating outside the “mainstream.” We’ve grown comfortable with it. We don’t demonize other forms of dating as readily as the heterosexual community does. And maybe it’s because of this, but I’ve found more general acceptance for sugar relationships in the gay community.
Whatever the reason, finding a gay sugar daddy is an idea that’s quickly become popular with young, ambitious gay men. This popularity in gay sugar dating could be attributed to a number of factors.
On the one hand, it could be seen to result out of the negative circumstances in society: the recent economic decline, the rise in tuition costs, the lack of available jobs, as well as the often undesirable situation many young gay men find themselves in after coming out to a family that is not welcoming of their sexuality.
On the other hand, there are just as many positive motivations for dating a gay sugar daddy. The main one being that it’s not something that just benefits you financially – it can help your career and even be a huge form of emotional support.
…Although It’s a Smaller Pool
Back in the day, when Seeking.com was SeekingArrangement, they used to release interesting statistics about their member base.
One of the more relevant stats was a survey on the gay member base in 2016. They found that their gay member base at the time was:
- 280,000 gay sugar babies
- 60,000 gay sugar daddies
- 8,400 lesbian sugar mamas
- 40,000 lesbian sugar babies
- 75 trans sugar babies
That adds up to around 388,475 of the site’s then 3.6 million members worldwide. Or roughly 11%. Since then, Seeking has grown – massively. Their member base is currently 46+ million and growing.
They haven’t released exact stats on their gay member base in awhile, so the best guesstimates we have is that the total gay members are around 4% (equivalent to the estimated national average) to 11% (based on Seeking.com’s past numbers).
That still comes to over 1.8 million members (4%) to over 5 million members who identify as LGBTQ. It’s admittedly a very small pool, especially compared to the number of heterosexual members. And there’s also the fact that the majority of the gay member base is likely to be in a handful of select cities.
But still, it’s a large enough number to work with. Especially if you keep one thing in mind…
It’s a Numbers Game
There are millions of gay sugar daddies out there. So with such a large population of gay members on sugar daddy sites, you’re bound to find one, right?
Not exactly.
You see, sugar daddy sites are rife with sugar daddies…and massive competition from sugar babies. It’s mostly intentional, which is why many of the sugar daddy sites are free for sugar babies while the daddies have to pay.
The result? There are many, many more sugar babies out there who all want the same thing as you – a gay sugar daddy. And they’re all competing for a limited selection.
So how do you beat the competition and get what you want: a gay sugar daddy you actually get on with?
Well, there’s no magic formula to attracting this perfect gay sugar daddy. It just comes down to one simple secret: The more sugar daddies you interact with, the higher your chance of sugar dating success.
It’s so simple that it’s usually overlooked. Sugar dating is hugely a game of odds. The more sugar daddies you send emails to, the more you initiate contact with, the more you flirt with, the more you chat with – the better your odds of finding yourself the perfect sugar arrangement.
The sugar babies that have the most luck in sugar dating are not “lucky” at all. They’re the ones who:
#1. Don’t Stick to One Site
The smart sugar babies sign up for several sugar daddy sites at a time. And why not? Most sugar daddy sites are completely FREE for sugar babies.
They are not free for sugar daddies. Thus, most sugar daddies stick to one site. You can leverage this opportunity by signing up for several free sugar dating sites.
It’s no more hassle for you, since you can use the same profile pictures, the same sugar baby bio, and so on. Just this small time investment gets you instant access to a wider pool of sugar daddies.
#2. Understand a POT is just a POT
The successful sugar babies are the ones who maintain contact with several promising sugar daddies instead of dropping everything for one potential sugar daddy who seems promising…before they even get a check in their hands.
The point is: Don’t give up your sugar daddy search until you are IN an actual arrangement. It’s not over until someone hands you an allowance check (or cash or PayPal deposit – learn about the various ways you can receive your allowance).
There is absolutely no reason for you to stop pursuing potential sugar daddies just because some random sugar daddy says he might be interested in an arrangement with you.
#3. Keep Going ‘Til You Get It
They’re the ones organized enough to know which sugar daddies to pursue and which ones to end communication (nicely) with. They’re the ones who know what they want and tirelessly and actively pursue it…until they get it.
The secret to success in sugar dating is simple. Cast a wide, wide net. Reel in as many fish as you possibly can. Then, narrow the pool until you have the best of the best potential sugar daddies caught in your net. Narrow it further. Get to know them better. Don’t stop until you’re in an arrangement.
The Usual Rules Apply
Any and all sugar relationships – including gay sugar relationships – are first and foremost, relationships. So the usual rules apply:
- Know the ins and outs of a SD/SB relationship
- Understand that it’s a two-way street
- Basic etiquette goes a long way
- Your sugar baby profile matters
In fact, pretty much all of the most popular sugar baby tips apply to gay sugar babies as well.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that sugar baby safety tips don’t apply to you. They absolutely do…they’re just a little different.
You may be less worried about physical harm, for example, but the risk of sugar daddy scammers is just as real for gay sugar babies. So is any threat to your personal information.
Safe sex is a must as well. You may not have to worry about pregnancy, but STDs don’t discriminate. Your safety cannot be bought. Confirm up-to-date HIV/STD tests and stay on top of condoms, PrEP, and so on. No money is worth your health and safety.
Know Your Brand
Here’s the thing: Dick is free. It’s crass but true. Simply put, it’s a lot easier for the average gay man to find hookups than it is for a straight man.
So when you’re a gay sugar baby, you need to be bringing a lot more to the table than just sex. It’s not as simple as being good-looking, either. The gay world is full of hot, young things.
What you need is to understand what’s most appealing about you and then lean into it. You’re selling a fantasy. The marketable product is you and the experience you provide. Make sure you know what makes you unique and then play that up to the maximum.
There Needs to Be Attraction
This isn’t specific to gay sugar babies – even straight sugar babies should feel some level of attraction and chemistry for a sugar daddy in order for a relationship to be actually feasible.
But it’s pretty crucial for gay sugar babies for one simple reason: you’re going to have a much harder time ‘faking’ it. If you’re not into the potential sugar daddy at all, your softness is going to give it away.
Get Comfortable with receiving
You’re looking for a gay sugar daddy on a sugar daddy website. You want a sugar relationship.
That means a wealthier, most likely older man will be taking care of you. Duh, you say. But gender socialization is real. And when it comes to the actual, real life experience of having another man pay your way, many gay sugar babies experience some degree of internal turmoil.
You may feel infantilized, threatened, vulnerable, and so on.
You need to be ready to deal with these emotions that pop up – and not let them get in the way of what you came here for in the first place: the financial perks!
Watch the Feelings
Sugar relationships are not a simple exchange of benefits. We’re not robots, after all. Feelings are inevitable. And it can be especially confusing in a gay sugar dynamic.
Many of us didn’t have a loving, supportive father figure. And now, here is this older, established man who takes care of us, spoils us, cares about our dreams and goals, is protective of us, even sees himself in us. It’s an intoxicating feeling to finally receive what you didn’t get at home.
We may logically know the terms of the arrangement but feelings don’t care about all that.
My advice? Fighting feelings is futile. Just be aware that they may crop up and why it’s happening. It’s nice to be taken care of. It’s nice to be cared for. Appreciate that for what it is and be mindful of crossing boundaries.
Be Respectful
The one skill you absolutely need as a gay sugar baby is the ability to navigate personal differences with grace and respect. This doesn’t mean compromising your own values and viewpoints. It’s just respecting that your sugar daddy has his own.
There’s a very good chance that the potential sugar daddies that you meet are going to be older than you. There may be generational differences. Things like worldviews, politics, and so on may not align. Be okay with agreeing to disagree.
Many gay sugar daddies you meet may be closeted, married men. Take some time to think about your own opinions and judgments on this. Be honest with yourself about whether you are okay with this, if you can be respectful with boundaries and shy away from conversations that touch too closely on topics like his marriage, kids, or his personal backstory.
It’s Worth It
If you’re a young, ambitious gay sugar baby, you have much more to gain from a sugar relationship than cold, hard cash alone. You’re gaining access to a successful older man who has already tread the path of success, wealth, and prosperity. You’re gaining access to his most intimate, inner circle.
The gay sugar daddy is also getting the opportunity to explore his sexuality in the context of a well-defined, pre-arranged, safe relationship. The gay sugar relationship has a surprising aspect of stability and even security to it. Both parties need each other. Both parties lay out the terms of the arrangement.
Both parties stick to the terms and get from the relationship exactly what they want and need. There’s a lastingness to this that a simple hookup doesn’t even compare to.
As for myself, I can positively say that dating to improve my financial, professional, and personal growth is much more appealing than any hot hookups I could otherwise engage in.
If I had to choose between dating a wealthy, successful man who can contribute to my life and career as opposed to having a one-night-stand with ‘hunghuge21’, there’s really no question of who I’d pick.
Thank you for this!!! I have scavenged the internet for gay sb advice and it’s so minimal or related to girl sb’s. I feel like a lot of the girl sb advice, which there is a ton, are extremely helpful. However I do feel that there are distinct ways that a gay sb’s experience is drastically different and needs to be approached differently than a girl sb’s experience. Thank you so much again!