Setting sugar baby boundaries isn’t the sort of thing most new sugar babies are thinking about. After all, it’s not a very sexy topic – especially compared to much more intriguing things like allowance and trips.
But setting – and enforcing – boundaries is one of the most important things you can do as a sugar baby. Because it’s these boundaries that make sure you enjoy the sugar experience without emotionally draining yourself and compromising your sense of self-respect. And as any smart sugar baby knows – those things are priceless.
So here’s a short and simple guide to setting sugar baby boundaries – with grace and style, of course 😉
How to Set Sugar Baby Boundaries
As important as which boundaries a sugar baby should have is the topic of how to set sugar baby boundaries. Here are our tips on how to go about it.
Do it Early
The best advice I can give you when it comes to setting boundaries is basically preemptive.
Both you and your sugar daddy should know before the relationship ever starts exactly what you want from it. If he is looking for a girlfriend possibly leading to a wife but all you’re looking for is a temporary sugar daddy while you’re in school, then it’s never going to work.
It’s exactly the same if he’s a married sugar daddy and has no intention of leaving his wife but you’re falling in love hard and fast. The best relationships are built when you set clear boundaries before they can even begin to cause a problem.
Be Comfortable Saying No
The path to finding the perfect sugar daddy for you is one that is lined with frogs. That’s just the simple truth. There will be several potential sugar daddies that you meet and don’t see a future with.
You need to know how to reject a sugar daddy – and do it with grace and firmness. Because the more time you don’t waste with the ones you don’t see a future with, the faster you can find a sugar daddy that you do.
Know Yourself
Here’s an easy boundary that will save you lots of time and heartbreak: know your deal breakers and abide by them. This one seems so obvious, right? Yet, so many sugar babies are willing to overlook qualities in a sugar daddy that would be clear-cut, absolutely-hell-no deal breakers when it comes to regular dating.
But you know what? Sugar dating is a lot like regular dating. You get to know each other, you spend a lot of time together, you become intimate lovers and friends. So make sure the sugar daddy you choose doesn’t make your heart-brain-loins scream HELL NO! every time you have to go see him.
Of course, there’s obviously things you can’t set boundaries for as you won’t even know it irritates you until it actually does. Usually, when you decide to set a boundary, it’s when a minor irritation or annoyance has gotten bigger and bigger and now you can’t ignore it any longer.
But remember, you need to be careful with how you approach your sugar daddy about it as something that might be no big deal to him may be really important to you and vice versa.
Every relationship is different but there’s a few things I’d definitely recommend setting boundaries over once you have an arrangement with someone!
7 Important Sugar Babies Boundaries
Everyone has boundaries. It’s one of the things that inevitably comes with being a human being, and keeping strict to your boundaries can be a very hard skill to master.
However difficult, boundaries become imperative when you’re a sugar baby.
It can be easy to find yourself in situations that may be hard to read, especially if you’re a person that has trouble laying out your boundaries in personal life.
I decided to list a few key boundaries that I’ve learned to stick to whenever involving myself with a sugar daddy or mommy. These boundaries were formed from my own experience, research and mistakes so they may be different from yours.
But the idea remains the same – set your boundaries and stick to them. They’ll keep you safe as you traverse through the sugar world.
#1. Use an Alias at First
The issue of how much personal information to give a sugar daddy is the topic of ongoing debate but I prefer to err on the side of caution.
Read: Sugar Daddy Asking for Bank Info: What Info Should You Share?
Which is why I’d strongly advise: Never give out more than your first name to a potential sugar daddy or mommy. If you have an online sugar baby profile, you’re in even better shape! Use the username for that account instead of your first name; an extra layer of protection!
Don’t get me wrong, when you and your sugar parent establish a legitimate relationship, you can go further than this. Note that I said ‘potential’ sugar daddy.
But it is important that before that point you keep in mind that not everyone’s intentions are true, and also, not every arrangement will be a direct fit. Before you find out either of those things, keep your personal info in your back pocket.
Past that point, what you disclose is 100% to your discretion, but it’s easiest to avoid any exchange of personal information until you know the relationship is legitimate. Unfortunately, there is a myriad of sugar parents who have no intentions of paying, just getting “paid.” Which leads me to my next boundary…
#2. If It’s Fishy, Always Do Your Research
They seem to be everywhere: the random posts stating that there are no jokes – just need someone with a nice smile that would like an extra $500 for their Friday plans. That’s all good and fine if that were really the case. Which it never is.
When the sugar parent requests a username and password to be able to deposit money into the account, this is not legitimate. In fact, it’s a straight up sugar daddy scam.
Read: 7 Sugar Daddy Scams You Need to Know Before It’s Too Late
There is a myriad of cover stories for this, a common one being that the information is “needed to add you to their payroll so you can be automatically paid weekly through their business.” I’ve come across this at least 4 times.
Through a good 45 minutes of research, I found (from all different angles) that no matter the circumstances, money can be deposited into your account with only your account and routing number.
In no circumstances should a sugar parent need more than this!
The language on which types of opportunities to be wary of will start to be more familiar. Another simple scam to be wary of is sugar parents that ask for gift cards of any type. I’m still not 100% sure the inner workings of this scam, but I do know the important part – it’s a scam!
Overall, if a sugar daddy asks you to do something that strikes you as fishy…Google it. That one minute of research can save you money and heartache.
#3. Decide If You’re Exclusive
It’s always important to decide whether or not you and your sugar daddy are going to be exclusive to one another. It’s crucial because this is something that may cause conflict down the line. The only time I ever saw more than one man is if I wanted more than a particular sugar daddy could give me.
If your sugar daddy is unhappy with you seeing another man, kindly let him know what your needs are and tell him you’re happy to break things off with anybody else should he be happy to meet those needs.
Similarly, you need to have an open conversation with your sugar daddy about whether or not he is going to stay on sites such as Secret Benefits and continue talking to other sugar babies or whether he is happy to see you and you alone.
Once you’ve set this boundary, it’ll be easy moving forward and you’ll both know where you stand.
#4. Be Straightforward About the Money
If that sounds a bit blunt, it’s because waffling on this issue can often lead to you wasting your time and energy for nothing. This boundary is simply about making sure you’re receiving your allowance on time or that full payment is visible somewhere upon arrival if you’re doing Pay Per Meet.
Note: This does not apply to the first sugar date, as some sugar parents compensate for those while others do not.
Personally, I am most comfortable when transactional items are present at the time of our meeting, whatever the medium of said items may be. This has become one of my biggest tools in keeping myself safe, but I have also had to reiterate this many times.
Read: How Do Sugar Babies Get Paid? 7 Safe Ways to Receive Money
If you are going to adopt this boundary, no matter the medium of your transaction, especially in the beginning, it’s important that the set up is fair and everyone is comfortable. This boundary, if respected, only helps secure the comfortability of both parties involved.
A sugar daddy or mommy that has true intentions of gifting you should not be put off by this. It can be uncomfortable. Some sugar daddies and mommies are not too keen on transactional talk. But it becomes necessary when talking about something so serious: your time!
#5. Agree on a Schedule
Boundaries also need to be set in terms of how often you’ll be meeting up. Obviously it’s not set in stone. Life can get in the way sometimes. But still, try and set some sort of boundary with regards to when he wants to schedule dates.
Will it be every Friday? Or will you meet once a month? Will you be coming on business trips with him? Discussing this at the start of your relationship will avoid any uncertainty later on and both of you will know what to expect as well as what’s expected of you.
#6. Discuss Your Deal Breakers
This doesn’t mean you need to sit down with a list of all your deal breakers. “I don’t like it when you chew with your mouth open. The way you pair white socks with black shoes is a turnoff.”
I simply mean that’s it’s always wise to be honest with your sugar daddy about your expectations of the relationship in general. For example, one thing I always make clear at the beginning is that I do not like my time being wasted.
Read: Sugar Daddy Ghosting You? Here’s How to Deal with a Poof Daddy
Sometimes it isn’t possible to avoid canceling dates, even at the last minute. But something that I just can’t put up with is a sugar daddy doing this over and over again.
Normally it’s not particularly necessary to say it right away. But the first time it happens – if it happens at all – I let them know it’s not something I’ll put up with again. If you’re dedicating time and effort to someone, I think this is the least you can ask of them.
Be consistent though and remember that it goes both ways. If you’re going to ask him not to cancel, you need to extend the same courtesy.
#7. Talk About Sex
Having said all of that, the most important thing to set boundaries for is sex. Personally, sex isn’t something I ever promise a man I am seeing. I’ve had many relationships, even long term ones, where we never actually had sex at all.
A lot of the time, it’s a natural progression. Sometimes the chemistry is pretty hard to ignore, particularly if you’ve been seeing each other a while.
Read: Sugar Daddies and STDs: 5 Rules for Safe Sex as a Sugar Baby
However, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, you don’t need to come out and say it but I would recommend letting him know certain boundaries right off the bat. For example, telling him you’re not comfortable staying over at his place right away or meeting him in a hotel.
Also, have a discussion of what sort of protection you’ll be using.
The Final Word
When first sugaring, it can be difficult to know what works for you. There are comfort levels that have to be explored, and every relationship moves at a different pace.
But as you get more familiar with what you like and what works for you, it’s crucial that you do the often uncomfortable work of setting your boundaries.
The earlier you do so, the easier it will be to have the arrangement you want. So decide on your boundaries and set them from the get go. Trust me, it will avoid any conflict or confusion later down the line!
Most genuine sugar daddies will appreciate that you’ve thought this through. So set yours with a smile and be proud that you have boundaries you can stick to no matter who pushes them.
This post is brought to you by two of our contributing SB writers, Alexxa, aka The Smart Sugar Baby and Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe.
