Setting sugar baby boundaries aren’t the sort of thing most new sugar babies are thinking about. After all, it’s not a very sexy topic – especially compared to much more intriguing things like allowance and trips.
But setting – and enforcing – boundaries are one of the most important things you can do as a sugar baby to make sure that you enjoy the hell out of the sugar experience without emotionally draining yourself and compromising your sense of self-respect. And as any smart sugar baby knows – those things are priceless.
So here’s a short and simple guide to setting sugar baby boundaries – with grace and style, of course 😉
Do it Early
The best advice I can give you when it comes to setting boundaries is basically pre-emptive. Both you and your sugar daddy should know before the relationship ever starts exactly what you want from it. If he is looking for a girlfriend possibly leading to a wife but all you’re looking for is a temporary sugar daddy while you’re in school, then it’s never going to work.
It’s exactly the same if he’s married and has no intention of leaving his wife but you’re falling in love hard and fast. The best relationships are built when you set clear boundaries before they can even begin to cause a problem.
Here’s an easy boundary that will save you lots of time and heartbreak: know your deal breakers and abide by them. This one seems so obvious, right? Yet, so many sugar babies are willing to overlook qualities in a POT that would be clear-cut, absolutely-hell-no deal breakers when it comes to regular dating.
But you know what? Sugar dating is a lot like regular dating. You get to know each other, you spend a lot of time together, you become intimate lovers and friends. So make sure the sugar daddy you choose doesn’t make your heart-brain-loins scream HELL NO! every time you have to go see him.
Of course, there’s obviously things you can’t set boundaries for as you won’t even now it irritates you until it actually does. Usually, when you decide to set a boundary, it’s when a minor irritation or annoyance has gotten bigger and bigger and now you can’t ignore it any longer.
But remember, you need to be careful with how you approach your sugar daddy about it as something that might be no big deal to him may be really important to you and vice versa. Every relationship is different but there’s a few things I’d definitely recommend setting boundaries over once you have an arrangement with someone!
Exclusive or Not?
It’s always important to decide whether or not you and your sugar daddy are going to be exclusive to one another as clearly this is something that may cause conflict down the line. The only time I ever saw more than one man is if I wanted more than a particular sugar daddy could give me.
If your sugar daddy is unhappy with you seeing another man, kindly let him know what your needs are and tell him you’re happy to break things off with anybody else should he be happy to meet those needs.
Similarly, you need to have an open conversation with your sugar daddy about whether or not he is going to stay on sites such as Seeking Arrangement and continue talking to other sugar babies or whether he is happy to see you and you alone. Once you’ve set this boundary, it’ll be easy moving forward and you’ll both know where you stand.
Devil’s in the Details
Boundaries also need to be set in terms of how often you’ll be meeting up. Obviously it’s not set in stone and life can get in the way sometimes but I’d advise you to try and set some sort of boundary with regards to when he wants to schedule dates.
Will it be every Friday? Will it be once a month? Will you be coming on business trips with him? Discussing this at the start of your relationship will avoid any uncertainty later on and both of you will know what to expect as well as what’s expected of you.
What Irks You?
It’s also always wise to be honest with your sugar daddy about your expectations of the relationship in general. One thing I always make clear at the beginning is that I do not like my time being wasted. Sometimes it isn’t possible to avoid canceling dates, even at the last minute, but something that I just can’t put up with is an sugar daddy doing this over and over again.
Normally it’s not particularly necessary to say it right away but the first time it happens (if it happens at all), I let them know it’s not something I’ll put up with again. If you’re dedicating time and effort to someone, I think this is the least you can ask of them! Be consistent though- if you’re going to ask him not to cancel, you need to extend the same courtesy.
Behind Closed Doors
Having said all of that, the most important thing to set boundaries for is sex. Personally, sex isn’t something I ever promise a man I am seeing. I’ve had many relationships (even some long term ones) where we never even actually had sex at all.
A lot of the time, it’s a natural progression and sometimes the chemistry is pretty hard to ignore, particularly if you’ve been seeing each other a while.
However, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, you don’t need to come out and say it but I would recommend letting him know certain boundaries right off the bat (for example, telling him you’re not comfortable staying over at his place right away or meeting him in a hotel).
Again, sometimes it’s easier to set these boundaries from the get go – trust me, it will avoid any conflict or confusion later down the line!
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!