Here’s an underrated sugar baby skill: knowing how to say no to a sugar daddy in a firm yet graceful manner. Because one thing is for sure – you are going to be in a position where you need to reject a sugar daddy at some point in your journey.
Hopefully, it won’t happen too often. Most of the men on sugar daddy sites are sweet men just looking for a connection that’s missing in their lives.
Many of my arrangements developed into genuine friendships and I’ve received a lot of help over the years from several truly great sugar daddies I’ve met.
Having said that, while there are a ton of great guys out there, there’s always going to be a few that aren’t so great. There are the garden variety creeps and pervs. And there are also the potential sugar daddies who are absolute sweethearts but you just don’t feel an attraction to them.
So at some point, you’re going to find yourself saying “no.”
And you’ll want to do it in a way that’s classy and respectful. But firm and effective at the same time. So how do you do it? Here’s a little guide in firmly and gracefully rejecting a sugar daddy.
Why Learning to Say No is Crucial for Sugar Babies
Sugar is meant to be sweet. But if there’s one thing that every experienced sugar baby knows, it’s that oftentimes the sugar world can taste bitter.
Even more important, there are some things in the sugar journey that absolutely cannot be sugarcoated. As charming and articulate as sugar babies can be, we should never feel bad saying a simple and firm “no”, especially when it comes to matters of sugar relationships that can impact your health.
Nobody wants to be the difficult, got-too-many-boundaries sugar baby but the truth of the matter is that there are hard boundaries that need to be maintained in order to be a successful sugar baby.
It’s not about saying yes to everything that makes you a good sugar baby. It’s knowing where your boundaries are and enthusiastically saying yes to everything that’s within your comfortable limits that will set you apart as a successful sugar baby who’s not only pleasing her sugar daddy but also herself.
Because after all, isn’t that why you got into this sugar game to begin with?
How to Say No to a Sugar Daddy
The majority of sugar daddies will simply send you a message hoping that you are interested. If you tell them you are not, either right away or after exchanging a few messages, most of them will accept this and move on to the next beautiful sugar baby they see.
However, sometimes a sugar daddy can be pushy or persistent and either continue messaging you in the hopes that you’ll change your mind or even question why you are not interested.
So how do you deal with these pesky sugar daddies without months of drama and headaches? Here’s what you need to know about saying a firm yet classy “NO”…
You owe him nothing
My first piece of advice is never to feel obligated to meet up with someone you don’t want to meet up with or even to continue talking to them online.
Keep it simple:
- “I’m sorry, I don’t want to pursue a relationship but best of luck to you.”
- “I don’t think we’re a great match but hope you find the perfect sugar baby for you.”
- “Thanks for taking the time to message me but I’m not interested. Best of luck!”
It’s an effective conversation ender but it’s still polite. There’s no need for him to feel embarrassed or hard done by.
If they want an explanation, remember you don’t need to give him one. You don’t owe him anything and you have every right to decide you don’t want to speak to him anymore.
If he continues messaging you, you can either choose not to respond. Or you can reply with a simple “Please don’t message me anymore.” Some men like girls who play hard to get but there’s no mistaking that message!
Be nice about it
Some sugar daddies can seem great when you speak to them online or on the phone. But there’s just no spark when you actually meet! So if you’re already out on a date and decide that this sugar daddy isn’t for you, I would definitely let him down. But do it gently.
Calmly thank him for lunch/dinner/meeting you. Then tell him that you don’t feel a strong enough connection to pursue anything romantically.
This exact scenario is also the reason I’d always recommend meeting in a public place the first time (or first couple of times) you meet.
But don’t mince words
While it can be tempting to avoid any awkwardness or tension by promising to keep in touch as friends, I would recommend not saying this. It leaves the door wide open for future text messages or calls just for a chat “as friends.” Plus, you have to have an even more awkward conversation down the line.
I once met a potential sugar daddy for two dates before I decided I wasn’t feeling it. I was just starting out and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I went with the typical excuses of being too busy studying or getting called in for extra shifts that week.
A couple of weeks went by before he realized I was avoiding him and it didn’t end well. That’s an understatement – he actually blew up my phone really late at night for a month.
Even after I blocked his number, he would call me from other numbers. It went on for a couple months. It definitely made me wish I had just been honest with him from the start!
Plus, I learned another important lesson…
Keep your number to yourself
A big thing I’ve also learnt is to not give out my phone number right away, at least in the beginning stages. There’s a good reason this is one of the top safety tips for sugar babies. It’s essential, especially before you really know and trust your sugar daddy.
You can always chat with each other through the messaging functions on sugar dating sites. Or you can even give him a Google Voice number or chat on Kik until you’re sure you feel comfortable enough with him to pass on your digits.
On Kik, you just need to set up a username, accept/add people and chat from there – no phone number required! Most sugar daddies won’t have an issue with this. If they question it, politely tell them you’ve had a bad experience and will be happy to pass on your number once you feel comfortable.
Don’t Be Talked Back Into It
Maybe you are sure you need to feel physically attracted to a sugar daddy and you just don’t feel it with a particular POT. But he is really sweet and offering you everything else that you want.
Or you absolutely want a local sugar daddy. But you keep getting messages from a potential sugar daddy who lives in another city. And he wants to spoil you in the way you’ve been craving.
Perhaps you need a sugar daddy who will eventually be an allowance daddy but you keep getting offers from Experience Daddies. And whereas they can’t do a sugar baby allowance, the gifts they can offer are tempting.
The sugar world will always be full of distractions and temptations. But if the sugar daddy is 100% just not the right one for you, don’t be a flip-flopper. Even if he calls and texts you constantly, stick to your decision and don’t let him sweet talk you into an arrangement you don’t want. Or even worse, don’t let him guilt you.
It will just prolong the process and the next time you try to cut ties, it’ll be that much harder.
Don’t Be a Poof Baby
Nobody likes it when a sugar daddy ghosts them. There’s good reason why Poof Daddies are so despised – it doesn’t feel good to be left hanging. So don’t be that girl.
Not only is it genuinely rude – after all, if someone is putting effort into sending you a personally crafted message, you can take a minute to send back a nice, straightforward response that you’re not a good match.
It’s also ineffective. Avoiding and ignoring a sugar daddy – especially one with a big ego – can result in a lot of blowback. It’s better to just rip off the bandaid.
If all else fails…
If you’ve already said no multiple times and he becomes hostile or indignant, block, block, block! It’s not pleasant but you don’t deserve to be bombarded with messages stemming from his bruised ego!
On most sugar dating sites, there are also facilities where you can report them. I’ve never needed to do so but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!