I’m Morse, a 19-year-old in my second year studying English Literature and Philosophy. I’m a pretty quiet and reserved person, but I’m quite a personality once I get comfortable around others.
I live in a small city that I moved to for school when I was only seventeen. 17-year-old me would have never thought of sugar dating as a viable option for financial support or a relationship – I was a little too timid, too scared, and just overall inexperienced.
What I first thought was a trade-off of sex for money, turned out to be a much more complicated and at times, confusing, dance between two, but sometimes more people.
The idea of sugar dating was something that I was aware of and intrigued by around my late teens, and it came to fruition in my first year of uni. I had just gotten out of my first relationship which had held many firsts for me. First time having sex, first kiss, first time spending the night over at a guy’s.
I had lost some, but not all of my shyness. My financial issues had me contemplating sugar dating, but my relationship had stopped me. Some time after the breakup, I decided to plunge into the sugar world. Here are a few things I learnt…
It’s a perpetual learning process. It’s normal to have certain expectations, but they may not be completely realistic, you won’t know that until you test the waters first. At the same time, your safety and comfort are uncompromisable priorities.
Striking a balance between the learning curve and your comfort can be hard. It’s important to figure out what it is you’re looking for and what kind of sugar daddy (or mommy) can help you fulfill that. Are you okay with couples? Is traveling a possibility? What boundaries do you or should you have in place? Other sugar babies always have a nugget or two of wisdom to part with.
It’s not about the money. I mean it is, but that’s not all there is to it. One of my biggest worries and reservations going into sugar dating was that I would be little more than an escort, and there are people who do treat it as such, but that’s not what it’s meant to be.
It’s a relationship, and just like any other relationship, you need to engage, and cater to each other’s needs. Many daddies can be turned off when you start talking numbers right off the bat or have a price list.
Remember: it’s not a business, it’s a relationship. At the same time, some daddies may approach you with a number and expect something in exchange. It’s best to nip such interactions in the bud. They are rarely ever consistent, reliable, or fulfilling.
Say what you want! I can’t stress this enough, mostly because I wish I had been more vocal when I started out. I was too shy and have always disliked talking about money, especially asking for it.
This is why several conversations before any relationship is fostered is beyond important. Get to know what your potential daddy is looking for and be open about what you want and need too. Sugar daddies and sugar mommies are people too, not mind readers, you have to make your expectations known.
One of the things that surprised me was that I found sugar daddies who turned out to be people I could rely on. We could have conversations about each other’s day or week without necessarily meeting, and at times I would simply mention that I needed or wanted something whether it be a new coffee table for when mine gave out on me, or just craving some McDonalds and they would ask me when they could drop it off.
Those unexpected relationships and connections are the ones I cherish the most and will remember years down the road.
And that means getting yourself out in front of as many potential sugar daddies as possible. You’ve made one stunning profile on a sugar dating site. Great! Now make another, and another. I consistently have 3 or 4 different accounts and it’s important that each is tailored to the site.
SeekingArrangement is probably the largest and most responsive one in my opinion, and where I met my very first sugar daddies, but there are loads of other free and paying sites. Even with all your profiles up and active, finding your sugar daddy or daddies can be a waiting game.
At times, you may not even connect with one on a sugar dating platform. One of my most reliable sugar daddies lives a few hours away from me. We met a few times before he moved farther away, but not since. I’m occasionally surprised with a direct deposit into my account, and all he wants is my exhilaration.
Sugar dating isn’t always sexual. It can be a bit tough to find a daddy or mommy who enjoys a platonic sugar baby but they’re out there.
This is something I didn’t get to learn until recently, but it is cool, once you get the hang of it. I love having these intimate relationships with men who I genuinely connect with. People I can often rely on and who help me out not just financially.
My biggest advice is to form a connection and build a relationship on that. It’s still dating, just with slightly different expectations. Keeping things interesting is easy from there. Once you know your daddy it’s easier to treat them to a nice gift, hold interesting conversations, and it makes it more fun to be sexually spontaneous because there’s a connection.
All in all, sugar dating is a journey, and like you, I’m still learning, but these are just a few tips of the huge iceberg that is the sugar dating world. You learn from experience and from the network of sugar babies, daddies and mommies who share their experiences as well.
Like any other experience, you need to be able to commit yourself to it properly, but most importantly, have fun while you’re at it.