Here’s one thing every new sugar baby needs to know: what to say when a sugar daddy asks what you’re looking for.
Because make no mistake about it. You will be asked this question. A lot.
And it starts way before you’re sitting face-to-face with a potential sugar daddy.
In fact, the first time you’ll be asked this question is when you go to sign up for a sugar daddy website. Most sites ask this as one of the mandatory questions you have to answer in order to simply sign up.
And that’s not a huge problem – we have the perfect formula as well as tons of examples to fill out the What I’m Looking For section.
What gets quite awkward is when a potential sugar daddy asks you this question to your face. Let’s dive into how to answer it – in the classiest way possible, while still asking for exactly what you want.
Why It’s a Green Flag Question
There are many questions a sugar daddy may ask you. One of the most common you’ll get asked by sugar daddies? Simply this: “What are you looking for?“
And it can be awkward when a sugar daddy asks what you’re looking for, especially if you aren’t prepared to confidently answer.
But here’s the thing – it’s a good sign that he’s asking. We’ve talked about sugar daddy red flags to watch out for. Well, consider this one a sugar daddy green flag.
The sugar daddies who bring up allowance, and want to know early on what you expect, have mostly turned out to be legitimate sugar daddies. They are genuinely trying to determine whether they could reasonably satisfy your expectations.
On the other hand, sugar daddies who were keen to make grand promises very early on – where they’ll take you, the cash they’d shower you with – usually turned out to be total duds.
Be wary of the ones who avoid discussing specifics and instead make blanket “I’ll take care of you” statements while leaving out details of expectations.
When a Sugar Daddy Asks What You’re Looking For
There are slight variations of this question. A sugar daddy may ask:
- What are you looking for?
- What kind of arrangement are you looking for?
- What’s your idea of an ideal arrangement?
- What sort of arrangement do you want?
In most cases, he is subtly asking you two very important questions.
The first is that he’s testing the waters to see if you are open to sexual intimacy. There are some sugar babies who only want to be arm candy or a platonic companion. But aren’t looking to ever become sexually intimate with their sugar daddy.
Most sugar daddies want to be on the same page about this from the get go. So this is something you’ll have to communicate whether you are or aren’t in a subtle but clear manner.
If you aren’t open to sexual intimacy, you can say:
- I’m looking for a friendship and meaningful connection that is platonic.
- I’m looking for a platonic arrangement in which we are friends that do fun activities and spend great times together.
- My ideal sugar daddy is a mentor, travel buddy, and companion rolled into one. Our relationship would be built on trust, connection, and fun – but non-sexual in nature.
The second thing that a sugar daddy is checking to see when he asks what you’re looking for is whether you may be an escort or prefer an arrangement that is more Pay-to-Play. This type of sugar baby isn’t looking to do any typical date or girlfriend activities. They usually just want to meet, do the deed, and bounce.
If that is indeed that sugar relationship you are looking for, it’s best to be clear about it early on. You can do so by saying:
- I’d like to meet a sugar daddy once a week/twice a month/thrice a month for romantic times in a hotel/your place.
But let’s say you are the classic type of sugar baby. How do you best answer a sugar daddy’s question without going too much into detail?
A great answer is something like:
“I personally feel that the perfect sugar relationship is pretty much the same as a vanilla relationship – but with all the benefits and none of the drama. And the allowance is just the cherry on top. Connection is key for me so it will take time for us to get to know each other before getting into bed. But I’m looking for fun in and out of the sheets, like spending time together and going on dates.”
A sugar daddy who asks what you’re looking for is simply trying to see whether your expectations align enough to move forward with the arrangement. Be subtle but be clear about your expectations and boundaries.
What to Say When a Sugar Daddy Asks What You’re Looking For
When a sugar daddy you just met asks what you’re looking for or how much you are expecting, it can be jarring. After all, most new sugar babies aren’t used to talking casually about money.
But most genuine, interested sugar daddies will usually bring up the topic of allowance by asking you what you want. So you need to be prepared to answer it.
Here’s how to do it.
Be Straight Up
The last thing you want to say when a sugar daddy asks you what you’re looking for is “I don’t know.” Nobody can give you what you want if you’re not willing to be upfront about it!
So be honest and upfront about what you want out of a sugar relationship.
Here are some ways to say what you want in a smooth, graceful way…
- “I’m looking for a sugar daddy that can help me with…”
- “I’m looking for a mutually beneficial relationship that includes financial help and mentoring.”
- “I’m here because my goal is to pay off my student loans/have extra money to save and invest/etc so I can secure my future.”
- I’m here because I love to travel but my budget doesn’t allow for it. I’d also love to share that experience with someone who also loves traveling.
- “I’m looking to connect with a smart, experienced man to expand my horizons.”
Use This Formula
A good rule of thumb is to use this 3-step formula:
- Jot down what you want from a sugar relationship (i.e. money, tuition paid for, travel, etc.)
- Think how it will benefit your life in a positive way
- Personalize it to the sugar daddy and how he’ll benefit
So, for example, let’s say you want straight up cash money. How would that improve your life? It would provide financial security so you could pursue a career transition or allow you to save and invest for the future.
Now, keep in mind that even if your goal is money – don’t make it just about the money. No sugar daddy wants to be viewed as an ATM. So hint at what he’d get out of it too.
Your answer could be:
“I’d love a mutually beneficial relationship with someone I can really talk to and love spending time with. I’m looking for an allowance that would let me quit my job so I could transition into my dream career. The free time that would provide me means we can have a lot of amazing experiences together.”
Or it could be:
“I just graduated university and have some debt I need to clear up. I also want to spoil a witty, educated gentleman with my full attention. I love dressing up and being arm candy as well as getting dolled up in lingerie. My ideal situation is finding someone who wants what I want.”
And here’s another example”
“I’m looking to get through law school without going into debt so the perfect arrangement would be with someone who could help me out while also joining me for red wine with live jazz, fun flirtatious foreplay over dessert, and mind blowing sex in some adventurous places.”
Tips on Talking About What You’re Looking For
By now, you know what to say when a sugar daddy asks what you’re looking for. But it can still feel like an awkward, uncomfortable topic.
So segue into it. Here are some tips to answer the question from less intimidating angles.
If you’re not totally comfortably with stating exact amounts, forget the whole “ladies first” thing and ask him for his range first.
The easiest way to do so is to approach the topic indirectly by asking if he’s had previous arrangements. Ask how they went, what the terms were, how the relationship was, and what the allowance arrangement had been.
Sugar Daddy: “What are you looking for?”
Sugar Baby: “I’m looking for a mutually beneficial relationship in which we both take care of each other. But I’ve never done this before. Could I ask you if you have? How did they go? Etc.
Start With Expectations
If you feel uncomfortable jumping straight into a conversation about the exact dollar amounts you’d like, start by discussing expectation and logistics.
People are more inclined to answer an uncomfortable question after being asked a range of more comfortable questions so start out the discussion by asking your potential sugar daddy questions like:
- “What does your ideal arrangement look like?”
- “How often do you want to meet me?”
- “Are you a frequent texter, prefer phone calls, or more of a meet in person type of man?”
- “Tell me some qualities that your ideal sugar baby would have.”
Continue asking questions about the arrangement and then pop in the question of what allowance range he’d be comfortable with.
Lead with the Fun Stuff
This is a great strategy if you’re feeling gun shy about discussing money right away. It not only shows that you’re looking for more than an ATM but it lets the sugar daddy imagine all the benefits you’d be bringing to his life.
So how do you do this? When a sugar daddy asks what you’re looking for, start with the fun stuff. Describe:
- Examples of fun sugar dates you could go on together
- Relationship qualities you are looking for
- Adventures that you’d love to have with a compatible sugar daddy
Keep in mind that there’s a reason people do things, like sign up for a sugar daddy website. A sugar baby might be motivated by money, career goals, or the desire to be loved and taken care of.
Sugar daddies are usually looking for something that’s a little less obvious. A no-strings-attached companion to have wild nights with. Someone to give him that extra TLC he craves. A non-judgmental partner to explore with. An ambitious go-getter whose success he could be instrumental in.
Sugar daddies want to know exactly who you are and what you are looking to get out of a relationship, so start by talking about your goals, passions and the fun dates you would like to go on. Lead with the fun stuff and then segue to the financial.
And there you have it – all the classy yet straightforward ways to say exactly what you’re looking for. Got any more tips? Let us know in the comments!