Here’s something every first time sugar baby wonders at some point: How do you avoid the sugar daddies who just want sex?
Don’t get us wrong. Sex is fun. And it’s perfectly normal to want sex from a relationship. But how do you avoid having your inbox fill up with sugar daddies who are just looking for sex?
If you’ve been online for any amount of time, you know exactly what we’re talking about. You’ve probably received your fair share of messages from ‘Johns‘ posing as sugar daddies.
Read: 7 Types of Fake Sugar Daddies and How to Spot Them
The ones who basically want to meet you once or twice for a meeting that involves just one thing. The ones who have no desire to enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement with you. Their only goal? To hit it and quit it…for less than they would’ve paid an escort.
Sugar Daddy vs John
Let’s be real for a moment. Many of the men you’ll meet on sugar daddy websites are looking for a young, attractive woman to have a relationship with and yes, many of them will want to have sex with you.
Sex is a natural part of most relationships and while you won’t want to sleep with everyone you meet, there will be men you see where a physical connection will progress.
The trick is to separate the ones who only want sex from those who want a genuine connection.
Because the guys who are perusing sugar daddy sites looking for young, pretty things to have quick, casual sex with are not quality sugar daddies.
In fact, these men are not sugar daddies at all. They are johns who are too cheap to hire a high-class escort. So they are trying to trick girls who are as desirable as high-class escorts into having sex with them for less money.
These johns have no desire to take care of you or develop a mutually fulfilling beneficial relationship. They are proposing a situation that is very high risk for you – i.e. threat of meeting a total stranger in a private location, STDs, etc. – for a very low reward, i.e. a few Benjis.
You want to avoid these men. Here’s how.
How to Avoid Sugar Daddies Who Just Want Sex
Here are our best tips to quickly separate genuine sugar daddies from a ‘john’ so you can keep these pesky men out of your inbox and focus your attentions on the real sugar daddies that matter.
Don’t Reveal Too Much
If you really want to snag a genuine sugar daddy, leave your sexy bits out of the profile photos. He can see your bountiful cleavage and your plumber’s crack later – preferably in the bedroom. There’s no reason to stretch yourself into Maxim-style poses for the benefit of strange, random men.
Read: How to Take Sugar Baby Profile Pictures that Attract Sugar Daddies
Eye-catching, provocative profile photos that show too much will only attract men who are cruising sugar daddy websites in hopes of finding a prostitute. The real sugar daddies will skip your profile and move on to pictures that display wit, charm, and class.
Feel free to show pictures that highlight your feminine graces – i.e. your elegant neckline, that gorgeous waist curve – but leave everything else to the imagination.
Have a Killer Sugar Baby Bio
Your sugar baby profile pictures are what entice sugar daddies to click on your profile. But it’s your bio that’s going to get them to message you.
And you want to make sure the right kind of sugar daddy is going to contact you.
Read: 9 Sugar Baby Bio Examples and a Foolproof Formula
So focus on describing your substance, not your bra size. Emphasize your personality, your intelligence. Make sure everything is properly spelled and of course, don’t wRyte lyK dIs.
Keep the profile short, simple, classy, substantive and above all else – memorable.
Screen for Early Sex Talk
One of the biggest signs that the potential sugar daddy you’re chatting with has only one thing on his mind? He brings it up during the first conversation.
If a potential sugar daddy leads with sex in the first message…
- “Hey, I like your pictures. I’m looking for an attractive, open-minded woman for intimacy.”
- “Hi, I’m looking for kinky fun with a young woman.”
…it’s likely that he’s a John looking for sex on call, rather than a sugar daddy looking for a sugar baby.
So if a potential sugar daddy brings up sex in an initial message, approach with caution. Or feel free to delete and move on. The point of corresponding with a potential sugar daddy is to get to know each other so you can see if you’re compatible for a sugar relationship.
Private vs Public
One of the dead giveaways that you’re talking to a sugar daddy who just wants sex is that he’s going to want to meet you somewhere private. A real sugar daddy will want to take you for dinner and spend time with you building a connection as opposed to meeting in hotels for a quick romp.
So if all a sugar daddy wants to do with you is hang out in his hotel room – these are not the kinds of men you want to get involved with. They will see you as nothing but a plaything and your wants or needs won’t even be considered.
Read: My Salt Daddy Experience: How to Spot the Signs of a Salt Daddy
Never agree to meet a potential sugar daddy in private for your first date. You have no incentive to do so. Not only is it a huge safety risk, it also means that the sugar daddy has only one activity planned. And no, it’s not getting to know what you want in an arrangement.
Pay Per Meet vs Pay to Play
Another sign that a man is more of a John than a sugar daddy is if they want to give you money every time you meet as opposed to giving you an allowance.
But this is not always the case. There is a difference between ‘Pay Per Meet’ and ‘Pay for Play.’
Here’s what we mean.
Pay Per Meet (PPM). Many sugar daddies prefer PPM in the beginning to protect themselves from sugar baby rinsers and scammers. But they will usually agree on a couple things, such as:
- PPM is cool in the beginning, but when trust is established, it can change
- Sex is not expected straight away and it’s not the only thing that happens when you meet
In these cases, PPM is perfectly fine.
Pay for Play. This comes off as very similar since you’re receiving money each time you meet. But it has a distinctly more transactional feeling to it.
Here’s how a potential sugar daddy might ask for a ‘Pay for Play’:
- “Hi, I’m looking to meet for drinks and NSA casual sex. Allowance PPM. What are your expectations?”
- “Hey, $xx to come over?
- “What is your PPM to meet once a week for fun and intimacy?”
Any time a potential sugar daddy proposes something like the above, take it for what it is: overly direct solicitation. He is a John looking for a cheap, quick lay.
Bring it Up
Another way to weed out the sugar daddies who just want sex is to bring up the topic yourself.
Once you have been e-mailing or chatting with a potential sugar daddy for a little while, make it clear that you’re not interested in a pay-for-play relationship at all and that it would feel immensely strange for you to simply sleep with someone you hardly know.
Let him know that you’re interested in letting the relationship progress naturally. Most men sincerely interested in a sugar relationship will not only be okay with this, but will be for it.
No Sex on the First Date
One of the most effective way to avoid sugar daddies who just want sex is to always do one thing: never have sex on the first sugar date. At the end of a first sugar date, say that you had a lovely time, give him a quick kiss on the cheek, and say good bye. And observe how he reacts after this.
That’s because it automatically weeds out most of these men. A John or Salt Daddy who didn’t get sex on the first date will either be irate and angry or they simply won’t want to meet you again.
A genuine sugar daddy, on the other hand, won’t be expecting sex on the first date anyway. So just doing this one thing allows you to weed out the Johns without affecting your dynamic with real, potential sugar daddies.
Offer Much More Than Your Body
One of the best ways to avoid sugar daddies who just want sex demands a little bit of self improvement.
Assess the characteristics and traits you possess and see where you can improve. Be a better conversationalist, a better listener, more interesting, more well-rounded.
Men will recognize these traits and once they do, they’ll want you for much more than sex.
You Live and You Learn
Of course you can utilize all these tips and there might still be men contacting you for a one-night stand or a variation of. Herein lies the beauty of online sugar dating: just delete the dude out of your inbox.
There will always be others.
As for those of us who fell for a John or a Salt Daddy and had a one night stand you didn’t sign up for? You’re not alone. It happens.
Despite our best intentions, sometimes you can be fooled by this kind of man.
Perhaps you went for a drink, had a nice conversation and ended up back at his hotel or home. If this man has no interest in meeting you again, at least you know he’s definitely not in the market for a sugar baby.
Don’t worry about it. Everyone makes mistakes so dust yourself off and get back out there. Your perfect sugar daddy could be right around the corner! And now that you know what to look out for, you can waste less time on the Johns.
6 thoughts on “How to Avoid Sugar Daddies Who Just Want Sex”
Yeah I could definitely reassess my profile using a few of these tips. I am tired of being looked at as a budget call girl to some. I already made 1 mistake with a splenda daddy who was nothing but a John as you said. Fuck, there are some real idiots out there. Talk is cheap, they’re even cheaper.
Hi Sandy, thanks for stopping by 🙂 And don’t let it get to you – for every awful “sugar” daddy out there, there are really good ones. Just remember – most times, we have to train guys how we’re to be treated. If he doesn’t seem like he can learn, drop him like a hot potato. And stay positive ’cause I can honestly say that attracts the best sugar daddies. Good luck to you – keep your head up 🙂
Thank you so much for these tips! Haven’t been a sb in two years and I stopped because of this! I felt like every guy thought I was a prostitute. I remember a specific guy I laughed at because he said that I could stay all night with him for $150 I laughed but then was insulted because I know I’m worth way more than that. People on Backpage gets that for an hour. I got so discouraged because when I met someone who was a real sd I ruined it because I was so nervous the whole time thinking that I was going to get into an argument with him about not wanting to have sex. I was weird the whole time. I hate the whole prostitution thing I really do. It’s not okay with me. So thank you for these great tips!
Caitlin , I understand your articles are to be encouraging for the ladies of wanting to become a sb. Let’s be real for a moment instead of these dream scenarios you are giving.
Being a SB is the same as being a prostiitute. Sure there are guys that pay a sb and don’t want sex but I’m sure that is the minority’. Just like there are plenty of men who hire prostitutes just to talk for a couple hours.
Dinners are gifts with cash allowances are the norm for high end prostitutes all the time. So please explain the difference between the 2.
I only say this because I’m hoping the ladies who read your post can read this comment and at least understand what they are getting into.
I really don’t see a difference in sugar babies and a pro. I feel like sugar baby is only sugar coating the actual concept of what it is.
Steve, while I have personally not yet partook in any of those scenarios, I can tell you one thing. There is a fine line between high-end escorting and being a sugar baby, but there is a line indeed. As an escort, you will not be expected to interact with your client too much (mostly at all, except for scheduling) outside appointments, even if otherwise you only engage in high-end activities. As a sugar baby, you actually develop a relationship with your daddy, and the “compensation” is more of a helping hand from your daddy, whose partial aim would (hopefully) be to help raise/maintain your standard of life and make you happy. I feel like this is a subtle yet important distinction, wouldn’t you agree?
I feel so stupid because my “sugardaddy” actually gave me money first before meeting me and more to get my nails done, but he ghosted me after sex. We had an agreement that he was to give me an allowance of $1500 a month for a friends with benefits type of sugar relationship. Smh.