Once you’re in a sugar relationship, things can get confusing. How much is he allowed to control in your life? The answer should be little to none, you’re a sugar baby, not a girlfriend. If you suspect he’s overstepping his boundaries, keep reading to confirm and figure out what to do.
He adds you on social media
First of all, make sure you’re comfortable with him knowing your social media. Many sugar babies and sugar daddies alike prefer to keep things discreet, meaning that you don’t share your personal lives with each other.
However, if you both decide on sharing social media with each other, be careful how much you share. He might want to be friends with you, but he also might be using it to keep tabs on what you’re doing.
For example, if you’re the type to Snapchat a lot and add tons to your story, maybe adding him isn’t the best idea.
He wants to meet your friends
If you were his girlfriend, nobody would think twice about this. However, he’s not your boyfriend and this comes down to you. Do you really want your friends knowing about your relationship with him?
Would they judge you? If you’re not cool with it, let him know. But if he keeps pressuring you, that’s a red flag of a controlling sugar daddy.
He wants to know what you’re doing at all times
If he asks you how your day is going, that’s just a nice gesture to show that he’s thinking about you. Return the favor!
But if he’s constantly texting and calling to check up on you, asking you what you’re doing and where you are, that might be a sign that he’s obsessed.
Most normal sugar daddies are too busy and don’t have the free time to be always contacting you like that. If he’s always trying to know what you’re up to, politely ask him to leave you alone. There’s no reason he needs to know that kind of information, and if it persists, cut the relationship off because it could develop into something much more serious, like stalking.
Editor’s note: I once had a sugar daddy who called me around a dozen times a day when he first started seeing each other. I didn’t get a possessive vibe from him, he just wanted to tell me little things about his day and find out what was going on with me. Still, it wasn’t ideal but given that everything else about him was great and I enjoyed our arrangement, I decided not to cut it off.
Instead, I resorted to playful teasing, i.e. picking up with a jokey “hey stalker, how’s it going?” As well as gently letting him know that I had stuff I needed to get done, i.e. Him: “how’s it going?” Me: “not well, I’ve got this guy that keeps calling every hour and distracting me, could you talk to him?”
He took the hint and it ended up as something we laughed about later. Point is, if he’s not being creepy about it, just let him know that he’ll have your total attention when you guys are together but when you’re not – you need your space. Reasonable sugar daddies will understand.
He questions the other men you hang out with
If you have other sugar daddies, be upfront about it. It’s a bad idea to lie now and have it come back up later. Some sugar daddies will be okay with the idea of you having multiple daddies, others, not so much. Just be honest and explain why you like having more than one if you do.
When it comes to your male friends, however, he shouldn’t be inquiring about them at all. If he’s asking about your relationship with them and implying that you shouldn’t be friends with them, or that you should stop hanging out with them in general, take this as a sign that your sugar daddy wants to be more than just a sugar daddy and is moving towards a relationship.
If this is what you want, have a talk with him about it! If not, he’s not someone who should be allowed to dictate who you’re friends with. Let him know that it’s your life and while he can say what he wants, he won’t be controlling your time when you’re not with him.
He wants a lot of time with you
If you two don’t see each other often, and he wants to see you more, it’s okay. That’s normal, and can be read as a sign of a healthy relationship!
He wants to see you more and really likes your presence, so make sure to adjust your allowance accordingly.
If he’s already seeing you twice a week and wants even more, that can be a sign that he’s a little too interested. You have a life too, and if he keeps insisting on spending more time with you, he’s being controlling. He wants all of your precious time to himself, and that’s not okay unless you’re a girlfriend.
He encourages dependency
This is a big red flag, although sometimes the offer can be so tempting it’s hard to see it for what it is.
A few years ago, I went on a few dates with a very successful, freshly divorced POT who was in town for business. He was interested and so was I until I learned more about what he was willing to offer.
Long story short, it turned out that he was looking for his sugar baby to move to his hometown, get a job at his company, and live in the apartment that he provided. Oh, and he was already trying to schedule a good time for me to meet his kids!
A little too many strings attached for a sugar relationship, especially since having an arrangement of this capacity would leave you seriously dependent on that one sugar daddy.
Be careful with who you spend your time with, but in the end, it’s really up to you on how much personal information you’re revealing to them. If your sugar daddy is showing signs of being controlling, back away slowly and let him know that you won’t let the prospect of money sway you.
Are there any red flags that haven’t been mentioned? What would you do to get out of a controlling sugar relationship? Let us know in the comments below!
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Candice, aka The Bay Area Sugar Baby. You can check out her sugar baby story here!