Hey, everyone! I’m Emma, a recent college grad, an aspiring social worker, and pretty much an undercover sugar baby. I’ve been sugaring since my junior year in college when a grant ran out on me. I was forced to either drop out of school or quickly find other options.
When I’m not operating as an undercover sugar baby, I’m your average semi-employed 20-something. I hang out with my mostly broke friends and complain about my current job (I’m waitressing part-time).
None of my friends from school or work have any idea of my sugar adventures.
Living this sort of double life is challenging but it also has its benefits. Like, all my friends are all still quite poor and I adjust my spending to match theirs so I’ve been able to tuck away a lot of cash for grad school (woohoo!) and still have my secret indulgences every once in awhile (hello, weekly massage).
What were your Sugar Baby goals?
Ummm…cash. I laugh when I think about how money hungry I was in the beginning but that’s the truth. I needed cold hard cash to keep myself in school.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some other fantasies (louboutins come to mind) but covering my tuition was an emergency.
I never had any intention of letting it take over my life, though. Nobody knows about my adventures as an undercover sugar baby. Any luxuries I acquire are kept well away from curious eyes.
What do you wish you’d known when starting out?
That it’s not about the sex. Everything I’d heard of or read about the whole sugar scene made it look like men just paid young women for sex. It looked so transactional and that really scared me.
I was a mess in the first few weeks of sugar dating, all paranoid and trying to not to get too close to any of the POTS so they wouldn’t expect sex from me.
This makes me crack up now. Sure, there are men who are all about “getting” sex, just like there are some sugar babies who are all about “getting” cash. And sex and money are important in the sugar relationship (as they are in ALL relationships), but they are definitely not the core.
I was lucky to meet a sugar daddy who I genuinely liked as a person and I realized that that is the key: find someone you actually like and who has the funds to be your sugar daddy.
My mistake was thinking that the two were mutually exclusive. They’re not. Keep looking until you find the dude that meets both criteria.
Where and how did you meet your sugar daddy? If online, which site?
OMG, where do I start. I think I signed up for every single sugar dating website and then some. Desperation, man. It’s a real motivator.
I eventually lucked out on SugarDaddyforMe and it happened when I wasn’t even expecting it. I was home, completely tuckered out from a series of crappy first sugar dates. I hopped online to check if I got any new messages and he IM-ed me. A quick profile check showed a young(er) guy so I mentally dismissed him. No offense to the youngins – I’d just been offered like $200 to be a sugar baby by like 2 young guys that week so young guys were on my sh*tlist.
Maybe it’s because I couldn’t care less about trying to get this guy as my sugar daddy. But I chatted with the guy like he was a friend, totally being my goofy self and we ended up chatting for over an hour. We met up that week and the rest is sugar history.
Do you have online dating tips for sugar babies?
Yes. Use the IM feature. It’s free and it frees you up to just talk in real time, which is easier for quickly establishing a connection. Use it and use it a lot.
What’s your favorite thing about being a sugar baby?
This sounds weird but I think being a sugar baby has shown me that I can expect more from a man. The guys my age I’ve dated are barely holding it together and being with my sugar daddy has sort of flipped my whole idea of what a relationship can offer.
It’s not just the allowance. But he’s considerate, level-headed and willing and able to help me out in almost all aspects of my life. I mean, he had a heated cat bed delivered to my apartment last week when my cat was sick, which is not something I can imagine most 20-something guys doing.
How do you keep a sugar relationship interesting?
Find out what turns him on about you and do it. I don’t mean this sexually, I mean this in life. Like, I noticed my sugar daddy lit up when I busted out my Southern accent to tease him about liking grits. He didn’t know I can do accents 🙂
Now I put on unexpected little shows for him from time to time. It’s a small thing but these small things turn into inside jokes and build intimacy and that’s how you really keep a sugar relationship thriving.
What advice would you give aspiring sugar babies?
Don’t be desperate. Sugar dating is like regular dating: you don’t want the creepy, desperate person. I am positive that I clicked with my sugar daddy that night precisely because I was tired and didn’t give a crap about impressing him or getting him to be my sugar daddy.
Confidence always wins.