An LGBT sugar baby is still a rarity in the sugar world. So I am usually the first LGBT sugar baby that most heterosexual sugar daddies meet.
So it goes without saying that it can lead to some uncomfortable questions.
I’ve been asked them all. And over the years, I’ve learned to steer these uncomfortable questions into comfortable discussions.
Hopefully, I can shed some light about being a sugar baby in the LGBT world and how to approach this topic with your sugar daddy, when asked. Because it will be asked.
What are You?
I identify as bisexual. If I really wanted to be specific and get under the umbrella of LGBT terms, I could be labeled as pansexual or fluid. I fall in love with someone’s personality and who they are as a whole. It doesn’t matter who or what gender they are.
A common misconception of being bisexual is that our minds are 50% liking men and 50% liking women. That may be true for some individuals but the way I see it is that sexuality is a spectrum that fluctuates. Someone could desire women more than men and feel opposite of that the next day or even years later.
This doesn’t mean they’re “confused” or “seeking attention”. Sexual orientation changes because that is what that person’s mind and heart desires.
The younger generation currently has grown to accept and be open to the fact that same sex relationships are just as human as opposite sex relationships.
However, the older generation grew up when it was a little more taboo to be with the same sex. Men seeing two women together was viewed more as pleasure than a plausible romantic relationship.
To Share or Not to Share with a Sugar Daddy?
So do you have to “come out” to your sugar daddy? Absolutely not. Just like with any coming out situation, you don’t owe anyone anything and you are not defined by your sexuality.
Whether you are confident in who you like or are still “in the closet”, it is your time and your story to share whenever. If you do not feel safe disclosing that personal information, then you do not have to. It can be for your own personal safety as well. Was there a time I was afraid to tell people I liked girls? Oh, hell yes.
Thankfully now I’m at an age where I’m not afraid to stand up for who I love and not feel insecure when someone says something very degrading.
The Questions Sugar daddies Ask
I’ve experienced every offensive way of sugar daddies trying to ask me about women. It may not be offensive to them as they grew up in a different generation but offensive in ours.
The most common blunt one I get is “So have you ever been with a girl?”
Without fail, it always comes up. In fact, I have been asked this ever popular question by every sugar daddy that I’ve had.
It’s not surprising since many men fantasize about how much of a turn on it is to watch two girls make out or potentially bring another woman in for a threesome.
I honestly tell them, “yes, but not sexually.” that’s when they get blown away and go “what do you mean??”
I mean, hey did you know I can be in a relationship with a girl and we don’t make it to intimacy? It can be frustrating that some men just don’t understand this.
Along with that, I’ve also been told or asked:
- “You just haven’t found the right man yet”
- “Do you have any girlfriends you can bring along for some fun?”
- “You’re gonna make your future boyfriend happy one day”
- “So you’re just curious?”
No, no, maybe and no.
How to Handle the Questions
What you can do in this situation is explain and educate someone on what your sexual identity is and how you think. Some of the time men say things like these because they think it’s a compliment when it really isn’t.
If politely explaining it only causes him to disrespect you more or make you feel uncomfortable, it could be a sign to not continue the arrangement.
You’re seeing his true colors show and if that is the maturity and respect he gives you, you are worth more. I’ve had plenty of experiences from sugar daddies reacting to the ways I said above and I’ve met a good handful who are respectful and don’t see it as anything different than an organic relationship.
The sugar daddy I have right now asked me if I’ve been with women. I remember thinking “oh no, here we go again”but I told him “yes, but not sexually.” And to my surprise, he said “okay” in the most natural way. As if I told him I like coffee but just without creamer.
Moments like these just make me realize how important it is that we continue to bring visibility to the LGBT community, to celebrate pride and how far we’ve all come as people and as a society and also to let it be a common thing so those who are less involved in this field are more educated.
I hope all my LGBT babies out there can stay proud for who they are and know they are not alone in this sugar bowl!
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing sugar baby writers, Noelle. You can check out her sugar baby story here!