Wondering how to tell friends and family that you’re a sugar baby? Or more likely – whether you even should? It’s a very common dilemma faced by the majority of sugar babies. One that causes most of us quite a bit of discomfort.
And yet, it must be addressed. Because questions will inevitably start to pile up when they see your lifestyle changing.
How come you were broke and crying about your school tuition and suddenly everything is fine now? Mom and dad were helping you with rent but now you tell them they don’t have to.
You’re going on vacations and posting pictures to your social media and your friends are wondering how you can afford this. You have to cancel your plans with friends or you start to have less time to see your friends and they will ask you why you’re busy, you forget your excuses and suddenly things don’t add up.
At which point, it’s time to decide whether to come clean or not.
Should I Tell My Friends and Family I’m a Sugar Baby?
Being a sugar baby changes your life. You suddenly have more money and time. Things that seemed like luxurious splurges are within easy reach. You have access to experiences and adventures you never dreamed of before.
As these changes occur, people tend to notice. Little things will slowly start to add up. And when there’s no face in the picture, people around you start to get curious. So what can you do? Well, you have two choices: either be a very good liar or tell the truth.
Let’s talk about both options since I’m sure there are sugar babies out there who don’t mind sharing this part of their life as well sugar babies who want to keep it a secret forever.
Tell the Truth
If you decide to be open and tell the truth, then more power to you! But at the same time, you should be aware of the pros and cons – and even the motivations – about going “public.”
The pros, of course, are obvious. You don’t have to lie anymore, which can be painful and exhausting especially when you’re constantly doing it to those closest to you. You also gain confidantes to share the joys and challenges of this lifestyle with.
And best of all, you don’t have to go through the rigamarole of living a double life. You can even openly be happy about the benefits of having a sugar daddy.
But there’s also significant drawbacks to sharing…
Keep It a Secret
There’s a good reason why many of us choose to be secret sugar babies – it’s a form of protection. From what?
The first and most obvious is the stigma that still exists around sugar dating and the common misconception that being a sugar baby is basically prostitution.
This means opening up about being a sugar baby can result in a lot of negative attention.
With friends, that can just mean jokes and criticism that you may grow tired of. But it can also have real consequences. For example, if you have a job or public position that would be threatened by people’s knowledge of you being a sugar baby, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth the risk.
If you decide that it’s not and you want to keep your sugar lifestyle a secret, you do need to know how to do that properly. Here’s how to hide being a sugar baby.
Be Honest With Yourself First
Even beyond the pros and cons of outing yourself as a sugar baby, you’ll also want to ask yourself: why? As in, why do you want to tell someone? Is it for safety reasons while your sugar date? Are you simply looking for a confidante? Do you just want an outlet to share your new experiences with the world?
If your desire to reveal your sugar lifestyle is simply to share your new, varied and interesting sugar experiences – keep in mind that you don’t need to tell your friends. You can reach out to other sugar babies to form new friendships. You can even write for us about your experiences, which will let you share your sugar journey without revealing your actual identity.
But ultimately, if you decide that you do want to let the people closest to you in on the secret, here’s the best way to do it…
How to Tell Friends and Family You’re a Sugar Baby
Imagining the scenario can be nerve-wrecking. How do you do it? Do you go the route of the serious “let’s sit them down and have a ‘talk’”?
Or maybe you can let the reveal be something more light, fun, and presented as not a big deal. Like go out for ice cream, a walk, something you normally do with this person and when you feel the time is right, just say “So…I have a sugar daddy!!”
Honestly – neither. The more you escalate the situation, the more extreme you make it out to be. Instead, go for a soft approach and ease into letting the people close to you know.
Here are our best tips on how to tell friends and friends you’re a sugar baby – without blowing up your life.
Be selective with who you tell
You don’t have to tell everyone flat out that you’re a sugar baby. Just because you decide to open up, it doesn’t mean it needs to become public information.
Does the whole world know when your cycle is? No, but I’m sure one or two friends do and maybe even your mom or grandma!
In the same way, you really only need to tell those who are closest to you and who may ask questions.
So if you want to make the first steps in telling someone, start with someone who you trust the most and who you know is not going to be severely judgmental. Is it your best friend? Sibling? Cousin? Maybe even your parents?
Telling a sympathetic person you trust the most will make this talk a lot easier. Preface the conversation by asking them to respect your decisions and privacy.
Ensure a Soft Landing
One way to easily suss out whether you can tell a friend or family member that you have a sugar daddy is to test it out by making a subtle, lighthearted question out of it.
You could ask what they think of sugar dating, make up a fake friend and say you heard they had a sugar daddy followed by “what do you think?”
If they react positively and say “it’s not a big deal” or “I would give it a try!” (which I did have a friend say to me once), then you can feel a little more confident telling these people or even use it as a bridge to tell them.
Of course, if they react negatively, start making crass jokes, and/or cringe at the concept, then it’s in your best interest to protect yourself by not revealing this information to them.
Tell a Half Truth
For some sugar babies, it might not be hard at all to tell their families about being a sugar baby. But if your loved ones are anything like mine, then telling your friends and family will be a serious challenge.
Which is when this middle approach works well.
Telling a half truth about your sugar baby lifestyle is to simply not tell them everything, while not exactly lying. In essence – don’t use the term “sugar baby” or “sugar daddy.” Because for most of society, these are loaded terms. At the same time, be honest about your new life.
This works very well because it allows you to explain away the sudden luxuries you have without resorting to ridiculously lies. For example, if you start saying things like “Oh, my friend just bought me this diamond necklace because we are really good friends” or “Yeah, I found these Christian Louboutins from Goodwill” then your friends and family are going to want to meet your friends AND start shopping with you.
So instead tell a half truth by saying you have a rich boyfriend. Which, depending on your sugar relationship, may not be a stretch anyway.
Or you can tell them that you accompany men to high-profile events and that everything is paid for. For example, if you’re going to a VIP dinner with a man, the outfit, shoes, accessories, and so on are paid for and that you get to keep them.
You can say that 50% of the stuff is from events and that the other 50% are gifts after the fact because we formed a friendship and continue to stay in touch.
Be Clear That you are doing this for you
The people who love you most will have one major concern about you having a sugar daddy – that you’re an escort or sex worker who is being exploited.
For the majority of people, this is just due to their own ignorance because they aren’t aware of what it is that you do yet. To set their mind at ease, emphasize how it benefits your life.
It’s important to explain to them that you have a long-term friendship and a bond. I like to make my sugar daddies seem like mentors and that seems to go over smoothly, as if they are trying to help me achieve my own goals, which is 100% true.
You don’t want to them to think you’re doing it for someone else or that you are being forced by someone. Let them know that this is your journey and you set your own limits. By letting them know that you are in control of what happens, they may be more at peace with your decision to live a sugar lifestyle.
Explain Your Reasons
On a similar note, when friends and family understand your motivations for being a sugar baby and what you’re getting out of it, it can make things easier.
Bring it up as a normal conversation, it could start off like, “so you know I’ve been struggling with finances lately.” You can talk about everything you’ve tried like getting another job or racking up your credit card. Then explain honestly that you’ve done your research and found a sugar relationship that is a win win for the both of you.
Assure them that you are safe, he’s very respectful and loving and treats you well (and all of these things shouldn’t be a lie, find a sugar daddy that treats you right!). Emphasize that it’s a caring relationship and it’s helping you more than ever.
Don’t beat yourself up over it
Sometimes people just aren’t going to understand no matter how innocent it sounds. They won’t be able to wrap their heads around it, and that’s perfectly okay.
I have a clear line between my “business” and my personal life and the less I intertwine the two, the less issues I seem to have.
Careful with the flaunting
As in, if your friends and family aren’t 100% for it, then be mindful when flaunting it.
For me, I’m a full-time student and I don’t have a job other than sugar dating. It’s not so much my parents that I’m worried about if I post a picture of my brand new Macbook and Hermes scarf, it’s the other people that I’m not thinking about.
To a few select people, I’m a sugar baby…but to the rest of the world I’m your average college student so I pride myself on looking like one. Occasionally there will be a snap of me riding around in a Lambo with shopping bags, but more often than not, it’s all about blending in.
If judgement is your fear, then let humbleness be your strong point. I leave just enough of a trail to keep people wondering, but nothing more than that.
Ensure them of your safety
One of my biggest problems was that my friends and family were worried about my safety. This is completely understandable so I put a couple of things in place: One, someone always knows my location in the event that something should happen.
Two, I have a code word or a certain emoji that I will send to a few different people if I’m in danger and they know to call the police and send them to my location immediately.
Three, I have a concealed carry permit and therefore, I carry a gun. Once my family realized that these measures were taken, they felt a lot better about my dates.
I enjoy thriving in silence, and you might too. It’s just easier to have your friends and family on board when you’re honest and when they aren’t being bombarded with questions about you. It helps to ease them into it.
Ultimately, how you choose to handle your lifestyle is your choice. There is no right or wrong. Just make sure you consider the upsides and downsides of each and do what’s best for you, your life and your future.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Stevie, aka The Sugar Daddy Whisperer. You can check out her sugar baby story here!