You’re just starting out as a sugar baby and on the hunt for potential sugar daddies. Or you’ve been in a successful sugar arrangement that’s reached its natural end.
Either way, you’re now on a frantic search for a shiny new sugar daddy and you’ve got your plate full of potential sugar daddies. We know the drill. All too well, in fact.
Here’s what one sugar baby went through after ending one of her arrangements – and the tips she has on how to deal when you’re juggling multiple potential sugar daddies who are just that: potential.
When one of my arrangements ended abruptly I went into full find-a-new-sugar-daddy mode. I wouldn’t call myself desperate (my financial situation is fine without sugar), I would call myself eager.
So I put my profiles on seeking.com, richmeetbeautiful.com and mysugardaddy.de to good use and strolled through candidates. It didn’t take long long and I was soon emailing with a couple of them.
My next step after messaging is to video chat, so my potential sugar daddies and I tried to find times that suited us both.
The first one said he’d be coming back to the hotel late and was that alright with me. It was actually the time when I’m in my PJs, no make up on anymore, hair braided for the night, ready to go to bed.
But since he was a nice guy, eloquent and great looking, I said yes and left my make up and my day clothes on. He called even later than he had said he would.
But we ended up chatting for two hours. Time flew by, it was a great conversation. When I finally went to bed I was excited at the prospect of landing him as a sugar daddy.
In the morning, I crawled out of bed one hour earlier than I routinely do because I had another video chat appointment, this time with POT Number 2.
He asked if it was fine with me to talk in the morning since he had to be on a plane quite early. I – eager, remember? – said yes and was made up and more or less ready to face the world at an (almost) ungodly hour.
He called on time but all I got was his voice and a black screen. “Oops, sorry, I’m on my company’s notebook, they blocked the camera. But I can see you.‟ I gave him the sweetest smile I could muster and switched off my cam as well.
Despite it being a non-visual experience, it was a nice one. We talked for about twenty minutes and set our first date. Hamburg in ten days.
When we hung up there was a message from POT Number 1, a really sweet one.
He gave me a nickname based on what he’d learned about me the night before and asked if I had slept well, what my day was going to be like etc.
While I was answering him, POT Number 2 started texting as well. How nice it was to talk to me and so on. I won’t bore you with the details but I got in contact with two more firsts and found myself bombarded with messages basically the whole day.
I have three messengers on my phone, all of them lit up constantly. Now, I really hate texting. Wholeheartedly.
I tried to keep things down, to send not more than three or four texts or spoken messages through the day to each of them. This went on for about a week.
See, it’s tricky. I was interested in meeting those potential sugar daddies, especially since the chance of actually landing an arrangement are pretty high, almost certain, when you have four first dates lined up.
At least that’s my experience. So I didn’t want to seem uninterested or – God forbid – difficult.
To be clear: When I speak about “entertaining” someone via phone or chat, I am not talking about sexting or phone sex. I don’t do that with someone I haven’t met and I definitely don’t do it for free. But every guy I ever chatted with at least tried once to get me there. Don’t go there. Just don’t.
When one of the potential sugar daddies got sick and wanted me to comfort him through his boredom, I finally had enough and switched off my phone. (The first thing you need when starting the whole sugar dating ride is a phone that you exclusively use for your sugar contacts!)
The next day I was sick with the flu as well. Some kind of weird infection transmitted via WhatsApp, I guess…
On the phone with my girlfriend, my confidante in all things sugaring, I complained about the situation with the POTs as well as the fact that one of my actual sugar daddies (the last remaining for the time being) had told me “I only have time to see you once this month, so I’m going to pay only a third of your allowance.“
Talking about all of this showed me how annoyed I really was with everything.
The POTs had started to push our first date further into the future, still expecting me to light up their days and rub their egos. A lot of potential, sure, but all very vague and uncertain.
I decided it was time for Butter bei die Fisch. That is a German phrase for “cut the crap and tell me what’s going on.”
Instead of small talk I asked for a date again, directly but of course in a warm, even charming way.
And you know what happened? Three of the four fellows gave me bullshit excuses and backed out. If I hadn’t put a stop to this the daily messaging would have gone on and on, I guess.
When a guy gives you a rubbish pretext like “you can’t come here, I’m at the same hotel as my colleagues are,” it’s time to say goodbye.
Because it basically means “I’m not interested in meeting you but don’t want to say it like that because, who knows, in a month or so I might get bored and think of you again.”
You are worth so much more! I said my farewells, blocked their profiles and their numbers.
While I was at it, I told my sugar daddy that it’s not okay to cut my allowance because he isn’t available. By doing that we are actually back to Pay-Per-Play, which degrades me (in my opinion) to a kind of cheaper version of an escort.
A sugar relationship, an arrangement is more than the amount of money divided by the time spent together. We ended things amicably. Maybe that arrangement is worth its own blog article. It crept in here because I swept out everything that wasn’t working. And I am so happy I did.
I am not in a position to deal out advice, definitely not. All I can say is that I learned a bunch of things through all of this about dealing with potential sugar daddies.
Here are my top lessons and the tips you can take away from my experience…
The first and most important is to not bend over backwards to accommodate the needs of a POT. In my case that means no calls, video chats and what have you outside of my “office hours.”
Remember – this is a potential sugar daddy. There is no arrangement and no benefits for you yet. Which means, he doesn’t get the benefit of having access to your time whenever he feels like.
That means absolutely no permanent line from your phone to his. If it is a while until the first date this is difficult, I know. But I’ll go with “Okay, ten days until we meet, let’s talk maybe two, three days before that to make sure we both are still free.”
He’s not your sugar daddy yet – and he may never be. So don’t get attached to a POT. I mean it.
Even if he is the most charming man ever, showering you with compliments and nicknames. My handsome, sweet guy was nothing more than another half empty page in my sugar journal.
In the end it comes down to a 4:1 chance that you are going to end up in an arrangement with a POT. (That’s my ratio. Yours might be completely different.)
Don’t wait it out until someone rejects you. If he loses interest, you will know (women always do, don’t we?). That’s your cue to leave.
There are plenty of men who will consider themselves lucky to have you as their sugar baby. Do not waste your precious time on a pen pal who is not interested in giving you something for your lovely company.
To end things on a happy note: POT Number 4 arranged a beautiful first date and we are meeting again soon. And this is why we recommend always, always casting a wide net and having many potential sugar daddies lined up.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Steffi, aka The German Sugar Baby. You can check out her sugar baby story here!