For many sugar babies, the very thought of telling friends and family about your sugar baby double life will make your skin crawl. After all, why on earth would you want your friends and family to know you have a sugar daddy?! And to deal with the questions, criticism and the condemnation that follows…no, thank you.
But questions will inevitably start to pile up when they see your lifestyle changing. How come you were broke and crying about your school tuition and suddenly everything is fine now? Mom and dad were helping you with rent but now you tell them they don’t have to.
You’re going on vacations and posting pictures to your social media and your friends are wondering how you can afford this. You have to cancel your plans with friends or you start to have less time to see your friends and they will ask you why you’re busy, you forget your excuses and suddenly things don’t add up.
Slips will happen when you bring up one time you went to this nice restaurant or you did something fun with “Ted” and your friends will ask you “who’s Ted?” Oops.
Little things will slowly start to add up and when there’s no face in the picture, people around you will start to get curious. So what can you do? Well, you have two choices: either be a very good liar or tell the truth.
Let’s talk about both options since I’m sure there are sugar babies out there who don’t mind sharing this part of their life as well sugar babies who want to keep it a secret forever.
Keep it a Secret: Pros and Cons
Despite our culture’s emphasis on telling the truth and not lying and all that jazz, keeping your sugar lifestyle to yourself is not shameful. Sugar dating is a relationship much like anything else but much of the general public still regards it suspiciously.
So keeping your sugar baby lifestyle under wraps is actually a smart way to protect yourself from unwanted and tiring criticism.
The downside, of course, is that it requires a little more behind the scenes work since you’ll have to come up with explanations as to how you’re suddenly awash with cash, jet setting off on exotic adventures and have all the latest Apple gear.
But hey, you’re definitely smart enough to come up with ways to keep it all under wraps – here’s a few suggestions how!
Keep it a Secret: How to Do It
Personally, I’m keeping it a secret. Not even my best, best, best, BEST friend knows. I feel like they’ll slightly judge me but they’ll understand and support what I’m doing as long as I’m safe but still I choose to keep it a secret from them.
My friends have brought up the idea of sugar dating and how they know friends that do it, followed by a harsh remark, or I see them make jokes about wanting a sugar daddy and it just turns me off telling them. I believe that this is my personal life and what I do is what I do, so I chose not to share it and there is nothing wrong with that.
If you, like me, decide to keep mum about your double life as a sugar baby, it’s not so much lying as it is simply never mentioning it. And of course, that requires quite a bit of creativity.
When my friends ask to hang out or they ask what I did, where I was this weekend, I can either choose to say “I didn’t do much, just stayed at home” or I can say I went on a date with someone and we went to a coffee shop and a nice walk. I don’t have to disclose who it is and I can just play it off that I just met this boy from school or on some dating app and that it’s nothing serious right now, “we’re just seeing each other.”
Maybe giving a pseudonym to your sugar daddy will be fun for you! Just don’t let it get to a serious point where your friends want to meet this so-called boy you’re seeing. I started traveling with my sugar daddy as well, if your situation is something like this, you can either choose to show it on social media or don’t show it.
This might be suspicious to your friends and family because you were just talking about how you can’t afford to go out a while ago and now you’re getting on a plane to go somewhere? The story that I stuck with was saying that I have a friend that worked higher up in a travel business. She could bring along one friend for a cheap price, so how could I say no.
I’m sure this excuse gets a little transparent after a while but it sure did work for me. I can thankfully say I live alone and in another city from my parents so I don’t have to try as hard to hide my “double life” from them but I can see how tough this would be if your situation was that you lived at home.
Most likely parents will not want their daughter depending on this lifestyle so you’ll have to be extra cautious on hiding any fancy things he buys for you, why you’ve been going out so dressed up lately or why you sporadically have to leave the house. It’s a very risky thing to hide from your parents, especially if they’re the helicopter parent type.
In that case, using the friend, school and/or work card may be the easiest. You’re usually out with friends, maybe name the friend you parents love the most. School could be very busy this semester and you have a study group along with many group projects. Work could get busy too, a co-worker could be on a medical or pregnancy leave and you’re covering her shifts.
Editor’s note: I’m also a big fan of secrecy when it comes to my sugar baby lifestyle and the easiest way I’ve found to pull it off is by:
- Get your own place. This just makes everything so much easier since you don’t have to explain all your comings and goings to friends or family. Plus, it’s a place to stash a lot of the stuff your sugar daddy gives you.
- Get it in cash. If you were working at Pizza Hut one week and then strutting around in Louboutins the next, you’re going to raise suspicions. The best way to handle your sugar wealth is to hold it in cash in your bank account. And then – don’t talk about it.
- Live your normal life (but better). Instead of flaunting your new sugar allowance, keep living the life you used to – minus the stress of having to pay your bills and plus the joy of getting to splurge on little extras. No one has to be any wiser about the extras.
- Devise a cover story. This one is the best way to cover your butt and make everything easier. One of the easiest cover stories I use is freelancing. It’s pretty standard now and everyone knows someone who’s doing it – just craft a story around certain client(s) you’re working with and use that to explain away the time you’re unavailable and the extra funds you’re acquiring.
Tell the Truth: The Pros and Cons
If you decide to be open and tell the truth, then more power to you! But at the same time, you should be aware of the pros and cons – and even the motivations – about going “public.”
The pros, of course, are obvious. You don’t have to lie anymore, which can be painful and exhausting especially when you’re constantly doing it to those closest to you. You don’t have to go through the rigamarole of living a double life and you can even openly be happy about the benefits you’re gaining from your sugar lifestyle.
But there’s always significant drawbacks to sharing. The first and most obvious is the stigma that still exists around sugar dating and the common misconception that being a sugar baby is basically prostitution. This means opening up about being a sugar baby can result in a lot of negative attention.
With friends, that can just mean jokes and criticism that you may grow tired of. But it can also have real consequences – for example, if you have a job or public position that would be threatened by people’s knowledge of your sugar lifestyle, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth the risk.
Even beyond the pros and cons, you’ll also want to ask yourself: why? As in, why do you want to tell someone? Is it for safety reasons while your sugar date? Are you simply looking for a confidante? Do you just want an outlet to share your new experiences with the world?
If your desire to reveal your sugar lifestyle is simply to share your new, varied and interesting sugar experiences – keep in mind that you don’t need to tell your friends, you can reach out to other sugar babies to form new friendships. You can even write for us about your experiences, which will let you share your sugar journey without revealing your actual identity.
But ultimately, if you decide that you do want to let the people closest to you in on the secret, here’s the best way to do it…
Tell the Truth: How to Do It
If you want to make the first steps in telling someone, I recommend starting with someone who you trust the most. Is it your best friend? Sibling? Cousin? Maybe even your parents?
Telling the person you love and trust the most will make this talk a lot easier and less nerve wracking for yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a serious “let’s sit them down and have a ‘talk’”, the more you escalate the situation the more extreme you’re making it out to be.
Let this reveal be something light, fun and not a big deal. Go out for ice cream, a walk, something you normally do with this person and when you feel the time is right bring it up. “I have a sugar daddy!!” Wait, I didn’t mean blurt it out like you’re in a movie, now you just made things really awkward.
Bring it up as if you’re having a conversation about anything else, no need to put a serious tone to it. It could start off like, “so you know I’ve been struggling with finances lately”, you could talk about everything you’ve tried like getting another job or racking up your credit card, “it’s not working for me and I thoroughly researched it and thought having a sugar daddy help me the best right now.”
This person you’re talking to is going to be shocked either way but let them know that you chose to tell them because you trust them the most. Assure them that you are safe, he’s very respectful and loving and treats you well (and all of these things shouldn’t be a lie, find a daddy that treats you right!), it’s a caring relationship and it’s helping you more than ever.
Ask them not to spread this to anyone else (if that’s what you’d like) but you thought they deserve to know why you’re more busy now or why your excuses don’t add up.
Another way to tell the people you love that you have a sugar daddy or if you’re not sure if you should tell them, is by making a subtle, lighthearted question out of it. You could ask what they think of sugar dating, make up a fake friend and say you heard they had a sugar daddy followed by “what do you think?”
If they react positively and say “it’s not a big deal” or “I would give it a try!” (which I did have a friend say to me once), then heck yes you can feel a little more confident telling these people or even use it as a bridge to tell them. Of course, if they react negatively, start making crass jokes, and/or cringe at the concept, then it’s in your best interest to protect yourself by not revealing this information.
How you choose to handle your lifestyle is your choice, there is no right or wrong. Just make sure you consider the upsides and downsides of each and do what’s best for you, your life and your future.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Noelle, aka The Different One. You can check out her sugar baby story here!