Feel like your sugar daddy has grown sweeter and more attentive? Is he offering to do things for you that are way outside the terms of your arrangement? Does he get that look in his eyes whenever he gazes at you? Or maybe he’s just gone ahead and said those 3 not-so-little words.
There’s no denying it: he’s in love.
Unless you entered the sugar game with dreams of picket fences and happily-ever-after, having a sugar daddy fall in love with you is usually a pretty awkward situation to find yourself in.
And it’s a delicate situation that you need to be very careful in handling. After all, it’s not just feelings on the line – your arrangement, your allowance and your friendship are all riding on how you navigate this unchartered territory.
Although, this situation is not as uncommon as you think.
For starters, when you are spending a lot of time with your sugar daddy, it is natural for a bond to develop. And although people outside the sugar world seem to always think it is the sugar baby who falls in love with the unobtainable sugar daddy who won’t leave his wife – I have yet to see this happen. It’s usually the reverse.
Which is pretty understandable when you think about it. Whether your sugar daddy is married or not, you become his fun escape and that can be intoxicating to any man. Having attention lavished on you by a young, beautiful girl has to be a bit of an ego boost and any smart sugar baby will have identified her sugar daddy’s needs and will be doing her best to fill those needs.
Which brings us to the first option of how to deal with a sugar daddy who’s in love…
If you’re a sugar baby who’s worth her salt, you’ve mastered the art of bringing all the best elements of a dream girlfriend to the table – i.e. fun companionship, emotional support, rapport, humor, flirtation – while leaving all the undesirable aspects out of the picture – i.e. crazy jealousy, nagging, pressure, and you-never-do-this-for-me type of whining.
So it’s no wonder he’s fallen in love with you!
Most sugar daddies understand that even when sugar relationships grow close, intimate and seemingly perfect – the terms make it so that it’s not a “real” relationship. But sometimes, sugar daddies do get confused.
The best thing to do in this case is to give him a reality check. One way I’ve done this is to gently remind him of what he originally wanted from an arrangement. Your sugar daddy probably told you in the beginning what he was and wasn’t looking for in an arrangement and now is the time to remind him of that – that he preferred the convenience, comfort, no-strings-attached nature of an arrangement for a reason.
If nothing else, it brings subtle attention to the fact that the two of you are in a SD/SB arrangement – not a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship and it may be enough to shake him out of his love trance.
On top of this, unless you are also looking for a legit relationship, I would recommend trying to establish some distance if you feel like your sugar daddy is beginning to develop real feelings for you.
But if that doesn’t work, you may need to have a talk…
If you find yourself in a situation where your sugar daddy has fallen head over heels but the feelings aren’t reciprocated on your end, either you need to end it (gently!) or let him down and then try to continue the relationship anyway.
If you are happy to end it and walk away, I would advise you to obviously let him down easily. Unrequited love isn’t easy at any age so tell him you’re sorry but that you just don’t feel the same way. This is almost the easy way out; the real trick is how to continue the relationship even after letting him down.
I found myself in that exact situation when I was in London. A man I had been seeing for only about four months confessed he was in love with me and claimed he’d “never felt this way before” (he had been married twice so I’m not sure how much we can really trust him on this!).
In fact, I’d almost bet my favorite Gucci purse on the fact that he wasn’t in love with me at all. He was in the middle of a nasty divorce at the time and really needed someone to talk to. He would get emotional and I basically became his therapist.
He had also gained a good deal of weight throughout the breakdown of his marriage and was feeling very low. I simply knew what he needed and became exactly that. I think he fell in love with the idea that a young girl half his age would want to spend time with him or find the time to listen to his problems or worries.
I did enjoy the time we spent together and we did forge a friendship but I certainly wasn’t in love.
I started by telling him that I simply wasn’t ready for a commitment like that and that my degree had to be my main focus. Men on sites like Seeking Arrangement tend to be more mature and will appreciate your honesty.
But I knew his ego may be slightly bruised so when we left each other that day, I followed up with a text letting him know that I was still interested in seeing him but that maybe we should have a bit of distance for a week or two.
We gave each other this time and then I phoned him asking if he wanted to meet for lunch. When we met, I didn’t avoid the subject (although I was tempted) and I told him that while I wasn’t in love with him, I did miss his company and that I didn’t want to throw away the relationship we had built up until this point.
From this point, it has to be his choice. He might not want to continue in a relationship where you do not feel the same way he does so if this is the case, wish him the best and find your next sugar daddy! Luckily, the sugar daddy I was seeing at the time was happy to continue the relationship we had and we saw each other almost the rest of the time I was in London!
Of course, there’s always a third scenario – you’re also madly in love with your sugar daddy too, in which case you can ride off into the sunset together!
And in some cases, that just may work.
But in most sugar relationships, it’s good to remember (for both sugar daddies and babies) that part of the reason the relationship works so beautifully is because it’s an arrangement that’s been devised to meet each other’s needs – without the traditional “messiness” of a traditional relationship.
One pre-emptive measure you may consider taking is to make sure your sugar daddy understands from the start that it is an arrangement you have as opposed to a typical relationship. You’re not his girlfriend, but you are his sugar baby!
This is usually what most men are looking for anyway – the connection without all the markers of a regular relationship. All the fun parts without any of the stress. Some men you will meet may be looking for a girlfriend or a wife but these aren’t the guys for you if all you’re in the market for is a sugar daddy. You’re best waiting for a man who’s on the same page as you.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!