Sugar Baby Basics: The Art of Saying a Firm But Classy “No”

By Caitlin

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A lot of the men on sugar daddy sites like Seeking Arrangement get a bad rep for being creeps or pervs, when in actual fact, most are sweet guys just looking for a connection that’s missing in their lives.

Many of my arrangements developed into genuine friendships and I’ve received a lot of help over the years from several truly great men I’ve met.

Having said that, while there are a ton of great guys out there, there’s always going to be a few that aren’t so great.

The majority of sugar daddies will simply send you a message hoping that you are interested. If you tell them you are not, either right away or after exchanging a few messages, most of them will accept this and move on to the next beautiful sugar baby they see.

However, sometimes a sugar daddy can be pushy or persistent and either continue messaging you in the hopes that you’ll change your mind or even question why you are not interested.

So how do you deal with these pesky sugar daddies without months of drama and headaches? Here’s what you need to know about saying a firm yet classy “NO”…

You owe him nothing

My first piece of advice is never to feel obligated to meet up with someone you don’t want to meet up with or even to continue talking to them online.

Keep it simple: “I’m sorry, I don’t want to pursue a relationship but best of luck to you.” It’s an effective conversation ender but it’s still polite so there’s no need for him to feel embarrassed or hard done by.

If they want an explanation, remember you don’t need to give him one – you don’t owe him anything and you have every right to decide you don’t want to speak to him anymore.

If he continues messaging you, you can either choose not to respond or you can reply with a simple “Please don’t message me anymore”. Some men like girls who play hard to get but there’s no mistaking that message!

Be nice about it

Some men can seem great when you speak to them online or on the phone but there’s just no spark when you actually meet! So if you’re already out on a date and decide that this SD isn’t for you, I would definitely let him down gently.

Calmly thank him for lunch/dinner/meeting you but tell him that you don’t feel a strong enough connection to pursue anything romantically. This exact scenario is also the reason I’d always recommend meeting in a public place the first time (or first couple of times) you meet.

But don’t mince words

While it can be tempting to avoid any awkwardness or tension by promising to keep in touch as friends, I would recommend not saying this. It leaves the door wide open for future text messages or calls just for a chat “as friends” and you have to have an even more awkward conversation down the line.

I once met a guy for two dates before I decided I wasn’t feeling it. I was just starting out and I didn’t know how to handle it so I went with the typical excuses of being too busy studying or getting called in for extra shifts that week.

A couple of weeks went by before he realized I was avoiding him and it didn’t end well (think blowing up my phone really late at night for a month). Even after I blocked his number, he would call me from other numbers. It went on for a couple months and made me wish I had just been honest with him from the start!

Plus, I learned another important lesson…

Keep your number to yourself

A big thing I’ve also learnt is to not give out my phone number right away, at least in the beginning stages. You can always chat with each other through the messaging functions on sugar dating sites or you can even give him a Google Voice number or chat on Kik until you’re sure you feel comfortable enough with him to pass on your digits.

On Kik, you just need to set up a username, accept/add people and chat from there – no phone number required! Most men won’t have an issue with this – if they question it, politely tell them you’ve had a bad experience and will be happy to pass on your number once you feel comfortable.

If all else fails…

If you’ve already said no multiple times and he becomes hostile or indignant, block, block, block! It’s not pleasant but you don’t deserve to be bombarded with messages stemming from his bruised ego! On most sugar dating sites, there are also facilities where you can report them. I’ve never needed to do so but it’s a comfort knowing it’s there.

This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!

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