I’ll start this off by saying that ever since I’ve been involved in the sugar world, I’ve had (almost) nothing but good experiences. I’ve managed to meet the most wonderful people and gone to some truly amazing places, even traveling abroad with some of the men I’ve met.
I’ve also been lucky enough to have a few long-term arrangements, meaning that I probably spent less time actually on the site than I might have otherwise.
But on the other side of the spectrum, there have been less savory experiences. Of course you get the standard sleazy messages from some men and it’s easy to just ignore or delete these but what happens when you actually try to date these men?
Never tried? Lucky you – but they are out there. And well, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of going down that road. I’d heard and read about salt daddies but had not actually met one until about two years into my involvement in the sugar world.
For those of you who are lucky enough to be unaware of what this means, they are a group of men in the sugar world who wants a relationship with a sugar baby but doesn’t actually have anything to offer her.
Many of them have fake profiles, exaggerating their wealth or status and have the sole aim of sleeping with sugar babies.
They are not interested in a relationship as this would reveal the truth about them and some of them even take pleasure in fooling sugar babies they date.
If you’re reading any of this and thinking there’s no way there’s men like this in the sugar world, then head on over to a blog post written by a self-confessed salt daddy; you can read his approach to
sugar salt dating on his blog.
Even after reading this, it can be hard to believe that men like this are actually out there (or at least it was for me). It wasn’t until I actually met one that I noticed the subtle differences. So here’s my story, in short, and what you can learn from my experiences with a salt daddy.
I had just turned twenty two and was living in California at the time, when I was received a message from a guy, let’s call him Liam. It can be tricky to tell salt and sugar apart through the messages but once you actually meet, it will be plain as day.
A man who genuinely wants a long lasting arrangement will be happy to discuss both what they expect from you and what they can offer. A salt daddy will keep it vague and avoid discussing any future with you, at least specifically.
In Liam’s case, he seemed interested in discussing an arrangement until we met for dinner.
That was when all specificity went out the window and he began to avoid my questions. He repeatedly reminded me how many messages he receives on a daily basis but that he thought I had the ‘potential’ to be his next sugar baby.
It essentially felt like a chance for him to stroke his ego more than anything else. At the end of that first date, it became clear that he expected me to come home with him. As this was a first date, I explained that this just wasn’t something I was comfortable with and he apologized.
We went out again a few days later and again, it became very clear he expected sex early on. At this point, it just felt awkward and forced and in that situation, sex is never going to be on the table!
But against my better judgment, I decided to give it one last chance and we went for drinks at a hotel bar (massive mistake- I should have listened to my gut!).
Early on in the date, I once again brought up the subject of an arrangement but he told me I was focusing on the ‘boring stuff’ too much and said that he wouldn’t even be willing to discuss an allowance until he knew the sex would be worth it for him. He used a far more explicit term to say this; trust me, it was gross.
It was at that point I excused myself and then proceeded to get bombarded with message after message about how I was nothing but a prostitute and about how I must not know how to please a man, blah blah blah!
He called me so many times I had to block his number and I didn’t give him another thought until about four months later, when his name came up among me and a group of friends. Let’s just say his username on Seeking Arrangement was very memorable and so I knew it was him the second she brought it up!
She had been out on several dates with him and experienced the exact same thing- he refused to discuss any specifics with her and got hostile when it became clear she wasn’t just going to sleep with him, except he reacted ten times worse than he did with me.
He stood up in the garden they were in and proceeded to announce that she was a hooker and that he wasn’t paying her as she ‘wasn’t worth the money she was looking for’.
After that, he followed his pattern and bombarded her with messages until she blocked him. It was at that point that we both went onto Seeking Arrangement and reported his account for abusive behavior, which was swiftly removed.
My friend also shared what happened to her on Reddit and reading through the replies, there were stories from other girls also claiming to have gone out with him. Some of them had even slept with him and then received messages from him calling them cheap hookers and other awful things.
It was the first bad experience I’d had, even when things hadn’t worked out with men I had met in the past, we always parted ways on good terms, agreeing that we just weren’t compatible.
It made me more guarded and definitely taught me to listen to my gut – when something feels wrong, it probably is. So if you’ve met a guy like this, you have my sympathy but if you haven’t, I’d most definitely advise you to go online and have a little read of the articles these men post.
They’re proud of how they behave and it’ll teach you exactly what signs to look out for!
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!