I want to start this article by saying that it’s perfectly normal to want sex from a relationship. Many of the men you’ll meet on websites like Seeking Arrangement are looking for a young, attractive woman to have a relationship with and yes, many of them will want to have sex with you.
Sex is a natural part of any relationship and while you won’t want to sleep with everyone you meet, there will be men you see where a physical connection will progress. The trick is to separate the ones who only want sex from those who want a genuine connection.
Here’s five red flags I’ve found over the years of sugar dating and tips on how to quickly separate genuine sugar daddies from a ‘john.’
A simple ‘What are you looking for?’ can tell you a lot. A man who’s answer has anything to do with sex – i.e. “kinky fun with a beautiful young woman” wants sex, sex and more sex.
These men don’t even warrant a reply – trust me. Someone who is really interested in pursuing a relationship with you will actually want to have a conversation with you to see if you’re going to be compatible with each other.
They’ll tell you about the type of relationship they are looking for and ask you what you are looking for in return. Of course there’s always a possibility that sex will be a part of your relationship but how will you even know if you want to have sex before you meet and spend some time together?
Editor’s note: This is so true and relates to a common mistake new sugar babies make, which is to automatically think that the regular rules of dating don’t apply to sugar dating. They do.
You wouldn’t go on a date with some guy from OkCupid who mentions his favorite sexual positions in the first message, so why would you go on a sugar date with a potential sugar daddy who does the same thing? Don’t make exceptions for bad behavior just because it’s sugar dating.
Another sign that a man is more of a John than an SD is if they want to give you money every time you meet as opposed to giving you a allowance. A guy who prefers a ‘per meet’ allowance usually just wants sex (although it shouldn’t automatically rule them out). Sometimes they just want to do it at the very beginning but when trust is established, this should change.
Being handed an envelope of cash at the end of a date isn’t going to make you feel special and an SD should understand this. A real SD sees it as a relationship and wants to help with rent/tuition/bills just because they want to make your life a little bit easier.
A John will also have no interest in buying you gifts; it’s far easier for them to give you some money. An SD worth your time will want to take the time to buy you a thoughtful gift, just to make you smile!
Another major red flag is a man who only wants to meet you in hotel rooms. They will see buying you dinner or gifts as a waste of money when all they really want to give you money for is sex.
A real SD will want to take you for dinner and spend time with you building a connection as opposed to meeting in hotels for a quick romp.
So if all a sugar daddy wants to do with you is hang out in his hotel room – these are not the kinds of men you want to get involved in; they will see you as nothing but a plaything and your wants or needs won’t even be considered.
Flag number four would have to be if he is all about himself. A man who is interested in having an ongoing relationship with you will show an interest in your life. He’ll want to know if you’re studying in college or if you’re working. He’ll want to learn about places you’ve been or places you want to go, hobbies you have or what kind of food you like.
Just because you’re embarking on an SD/SB relationship as opposed to the traditional kind doesn’t make it any different in this aspect. You’re still going to have to get to know each other to develop a connection or bond. Any man who’s not interested in doing so is usually just looking for sex.
The last major red flag that a guy is more of a John than an SD is if he doesn’t want to meet you again. Despite our best intentions, sometimes you can be fooled by this kind of man.
Perhaps you went for a drink, had a nice conversation and ended up back at his hotel/home (not something I recommend doing by the way). If this man has no interest in meeting you again, he’s definitely not in the market for a SB.
Don’t worry about it; everyone makes mistakes so dust yourself off and get back out there. Your perfect sugar daddy could be right around the corner! And now that you know what to look out for, you can waste less time on the johns.
This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Aly, aka The Travelholic Sugar Babe. You can check out her sugar baby story here!