This post is brought to you by one of our contributing SB writers, Noelle, aka The Different One. You can check out her sugar baby story here!
It’s absolutely okay to feel all these things because I’ve been there, we were all first time sugar babies once!
There’s a whole lot of things running through your mind, right? So let’s lay some basic things down since this is your first time sugaring. Here are some things I wish I’d known when I first started sugar dating!
It’s your personal life. I was scared about what my friends would think if this ever got out because they would never think I was a girl to enter an arrangement like this, but I really needed financial help and wanted to give this a try and hey guess what?
It’s my life!
You don’t owe it to anyone to tell them anything, it’s your life, how you want to live it and if you want to keep an aspect of your life private then you keep it private. There’s no need to share what you’re doing with your friends if you don’t feel comfortable to. As long as the arrangement makes you happy, that’s what matters.
This may be your first time meeting a stranger online and you’re intimidated or you’re thinking about all the horror stories from the news that you’ve heard about all the things gone wrong from people meeting up online.
Pick a very public place to meet up for the first date during daylight. Choose a coffee shop or a restaurant where there will always be others there and an easy environment to get up and leave if you’re starting to feel sketched out.
And this one is super important: If he asks to pick you up for the date and you’re feeling anxious about that, politely decline and say you can meet up with him there, that way your first encounter isn’t in his car and once again you have a safe way back if things get sketchy.
Communicate as clear as you can on the first date of what you need. The first date isn’t for small talk and how great the weather is. It’s to get to know each other and to see if both your personalities and interests mesh.
Sugar daddies know they can always find another baby so they need to know they are investing their time and money into a baby that’s worth it.Ask him what he wants out of the arrangement, how many times does he want to meet up, every week? Twice a month? Does he want phone calls and texts? Does he only want to pay for dates and gifts and no allowance? Does he want to stay in or always go out?
Let him know exactly what you want, I know it’s scary to ask someone for money because I’ve beat around the bush trying to not mention it because it’s an odd subject to bring up but this is one of the reasons the arrangement exists!
They want to help you financially – at least, they will if they’re a real sugar daddy. So tell them the amount you’re looking for each month, are you saving up? How much will go to bills and rent? How much will go towards school tuition?
Editor’s Note: It can be really scary to ask someone for money but keep in mind that it’s not like you’re meeting someone off Tinder for a first date and then blurting out, “I want $x,xxx every month.” That would be awkward. But when you’re meeting a POT that you met on a sugar dating website – you know and he knows what the deal is. There is little point in beating around the bush.
Plus, there are always those few fake sugar daddies on every sugar website who are there to see how much they can get without having to give. Setting financial expectations early on lets you know for certain whether the POT you’re talking to is for real or if he’s just a Splenda daddy.
Oh, last note: if you find it really, really awkward to ask for money – try this tip. It helps.
Also tell them what your schedule is like so the SD knows if it’ll work with theirs. Are you both free on weekends? Do days or nights work better with you? A daddy is willing to work with your schedule if he really is interested in you but if the schedules don’t match, it’s easy for a SD to dismiss you and find another baby.
Don’t say yes to something you don’t feel comfortable with. Here comes the “S” word: sex. A lot of articles I read online tend to sweep this topic under the rug. Yes, it seems a little taboo to talk about but I’m going to address it because it’s most likely going to end up in the conversation sometime.
I’ve been on a few sugar dates trying to find the right SD that will work for me and every time the sex card has been brought up. I was terrified the first time it was ever brought up. Because how do you talk about something so intimate with someone you just met?!
It’s very understandable for you to get very shy and almost shut down when this topic comes along. Once again, it’s okay. Just breathe and gather your thoughts. Don’t push the topic away because it will come back.
Answer honestly. If you feel like that is something you don’t want to do, you DO NOT have to say yes. If you feel like you’re not ready yet, say exactly that. I told my SD that I was not ready yet because it was too soon and he appreciated my honesty and said that he understands and will wait till the arrangement gets closer.
You guarantee your company and time when you’re with your SD but you do not have to guarantee being intimate if you feel you do not want to be, it is still your body and your choice and you have 100% control to say no to something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
If the SD does not understand this then you are more than welcome to end the arrangement and I promise you will find another SD to create a genuine connection with and will understand you.
Editor’s Note: One common mistake new sugar babies make is forgetting that a sugar relationship is still a “relationship.” It goes both ways. Both parties matter. What you want is as important as what he wants. Just like in a regular, “vanilla” relationship.
Just because it’s a sugar arrangement does not mean you are relegated to having to say “yes” to everything. Especially if it’s something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
This can include anything from an SD who tries to pry too deep into your personal life or an SD who tries to get kiss-y and grope-y with you on the first date. If it’s not something that you would accept from a date, why would you put up with it from a POT?